Be the bigger person and forgive! Course my opinion
Posted By: might change if I new the whole story. (NM) on 2007-07-24
In Reply to: I need a view from the outside - TLR
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I think you can forgive
but that doesn't mean you have to live with it. I have forgiven my EX-husband. lol
Should I forgive? and if so how??? (sm)
My husband hit me about 4 years ago...he slammed my head into a pole on our carport and pulled my hair, bruised my arms, cursed in my face. It was a shock to me because he had never acted that way before, although he had been somewhat aggressive in the past. It wasn't even a big argument, and I was stunned. I left for a week and made him go to anger management counselling. He went to two sessions, I came back home and he quit going. He has never hit me again. It has been four years. But he was never terribly sorry.... I have never felt the same way about him since. I have never wanted to be intimate with him since. I don't even like him touching me. I have prayed, been to marriage counsellors, tried to change my feelings toward him and I just can't.
It seems ridiculous to me to think of divorcing a man for something he did four years ago but I can't seem to feel anything for him anymore. What do I do?
I think you should forgive them both...
maybe not forget, but try not to hold a grudge. Keep in mind that your mother raised you and loves you the way you love your own children and it probably hurts her terribly that she hears nothing from you. It's Christmas time. If ever there was a time to try our best to be Christ-like, I suppose this is it.
I would definitely forgive them sm
and move forward as you normally would but would be cautious in the future. Should they gossip about you in the future I would definitely curtail your time around them - they could be toxic
Please forgive the typos . . .
Trying to help feed Baby Alive while typing. LOL Apparently Santa did a good thing this year.
How many times could you forgive...
Your spouse for having an affair? I just found out that a friend of mine's husband has left her twice for another woman and both times she has forgiven him (this happened before we met). I just don't know if I could do that twice, once MAYBE, but certainly not twice...how bout you?
I say forgive, of course, but forget, NO WAY......sm
To be a true friend and truly care for someone, you first have to respect them and honor their dignity....how can care for anyone, friend, lover, or whatever, if you cannot be TRUTHFUL? How can you say you respect someone whiile blatantly lying to them? As a Christian and hopefully good person, I belive we always have to forgive, but to forget as if nothing had happened, that is impossible, I would think. She betrayed you by lying, not by seeing your ex, that is HER problem if she wants a second-hand loser, but friendship is a sacred bond, I am sure you can forge some newer, better friendships, can you ever feel any confidence in this woman again? Just my firm opinion, I had this done to me many years ago when very young, and although we tried, the friendship was never the same, for obvious reasons. God bless in your decision!
I can forgive, but how to forget?
a few weeks back my youngest son was injured. My mother came by to bring him some ice cream. For some reason something i said or did made my mother angry. I did not know this at the time. My husband and I went to lunch with said child, my mother and grandmother the next day. I noticed they were acting rather stiff and one time hubby, child and I went to the bathroom. When I walked back to the table M and G promptly stopped talking. Confused, the next day I called and asked the grandmother if I had done something wrong. Out of the blue she stated that she didn't think i should not let one child do something without the other (speaking about a birthday party they were BOTH invited to) I laughed and told her they had both been invited, that the child invited all of his friends and their brothers and I would never dream of self inviting my child to a party!!! Anyway I called my mother and told her the same thing. They both still sounded rather stiff. Well along came Thanksgiving. My MIL came over to our house so we didn't go to my grandma's house. My sister in law then told me all the things that were said about me...that I treat my oldest like crap, my youngest is a spoiled brat, etc. and that my grandma was actually CRYING because she believes my oldest is treated so badly. I honestly have NO CLUE where they got all of this!! I was flabbergasted!!! I just wrote them both off and just never really wanted to talk to them. No confrontation, nothing. I didn't even return their calls.
So today my grandma stops by unannounced and begs me to forgive her and that she wants to see my boys some time during christmas. SHe won't talk about the incident, what sparked it or even what the heck my mom thinks is so bad about how i have treated my oldest. I'm at a loss. On one hand I really want to get together with her. She is just going on something that someone else told her about me. On the other hand I feel like my every move will be judged if I am around her with my kids. I told her I forgive her and I honestly do, but i'm not sure how to get past this. I'm having a Christmas lunch Saturday with my brother. Should I invite her or just say to heck with it and not see her?
Ya know....I like the bigger ones
because I like so many different kinds of music. I've got them all broken down by genre and artists. I can either listen to a specific genre or listen to a specific artist. However, most of the time I just put it on songs and put it on shuffle and I get a wide range of mix throughout the day. I don't know that I could use one of those small shuffle ones because it just wouldn't hold enough songs for me. I've got almost 2K songs on mine and I haven't even made a dent in DH and I's CDs.
no more forgive and forget posts
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081219/ap_on_re_us/palin_johnston_arrest
Perhaps the bigger question is this....sm
Why does the guy feel he has to mow his lawn at 8:30 at night? I don't know about the city you live in, but in my city we have a noise/nuisance ordinance. And it covers more than just barking dogs.
Perhaps New Englander needs to check out her local noise ordinances. I have used it before and it works. It got a drug house torn down, a neighbor had to give up his pit bulls, and it got the city out to our street to plow more than one time during the winter. And I live in Michigan.
New Englander, you have my sympathy.
Better get used to. This will be bigger than Elvis...
and people still talk about Elvis, tour Graceland, and celebrate his birth/death every year. My gosh, MJ is the greatest, most iconic star that ever lived and he hasn't even been buried yet.
Please forgive the double post. Wise NM
x
forgive me-I didn't realize you were the grandparent!
 but I also think you, as a grandparent, can supply all the info to CS....my situation was entirely different and I'm sorry I didn't realize you were the grandparent before I posted...
And God Bless you for taking responsibility for your grandkids, my parents would have done zippo!!  
Look at the bigger picture down the road.....
xx
i accidentally jerked a bigger one
off when it got hung in my bath poof -- ouch! but couldn't quite bring myself to snip the others off.
How to get print to stay bigger
When I am in a report or just on the internet, my print is very small. Now I know how to zoom in or use my control and mouse to get the print bigger- for that particular page but then it reverts down to hardly can read when I get off that particular page. I would like to have bigger print for all pages or I am gonna have to get a seeing eye dog before long. Husband has a change zoom level on his and his print stays same for all he looks at. Why cannot I have the same?? Thanks.
Well the USGS says it was a 5.6 - bigger than I thought!
Centered in the Alum Rock area (hills east of San Jose), depth of about 5 miles. Most likely on the Calaveras Fault.
Looks like you guys need a bigger chair!
Boy, have they settled right in or what?! That is absolutely wonderful! You guys must be so happy!
I think even a bigger one. I still trust Obama..
It is said that M wears the pants at home and I bet that she reminds him every day that she gave up her job for him!
I think even a bigger one. I still trust Obama..
It is said that M wears the pants at home and I bet that she reminds him every day that she gave up her job for him and the children.
What makes some people forgive so easily and others not so easy? sm
The reason I ask is that I am in a very unique situation. I have a family member (an in law) who basically hates me. She and I have sort of been at it on and off for 8 years. She's a very mean person, very judgmental, hates everybody. I mean, seriously. It's bad. She rubbed off on me for too long. We were friends! I used to point and make fun at others ONLY when around her. When I finally caught on that she was not a very good influence and that I was so easily pursuaded by her meanness towards other people (backstabbing, etc), I began to keep my distance. And she caught on. Now she hates me. For no reason, really, other than I don't call her anymore, don't hang out with her anymore. And here lately she has been doing evil things to me like returning cards I've sent to her family with a giant "return to sender" on the envelope, getting her sister against me (I mean, come on, how old are we??), etc. She will be at my mother in law's for the holidays with her kids and I am cringing inside. In fact, just today, I received a nasty email from her when I got home saying some pretty mean things, calling me crazy, insane, etc. which I know I'm not, but it hurts anyways to hear stuff like that. She has a very hard time forgiving people, I've seen it over and over in her life, and now it has come to the fact that I need her to forgive me in order for ME to have peace in my life. It's just the kind of person that I am. I am totally willing to look past all the mean things she's done and said the past year and try to move forward positively!
So, fast forward. I've written her an email basically BEGGING for her forgiveness and saying I'm sorry for whatever I've done to hurt you (I know I've hurt her by not wanting to be around her,etc), and told her it wasn't good for us to be on the outs like this. I am pretty sensitive (if you can't tell already), and I really, really, really wish she could get past all of this and just forgive. We all need a little forgiveness, don't we?? What do you think? Why is it that some are so easily forgiven and others will go to their grave filled with HATE? I don't understand it one bit.
I'm not saying I'm any better than she is. I know I'm not. I just don't have an evil vein in my body to not forgive people and I HATE when others talk about others behind their backs. It's mean. I grew up around that stuff and once I reached adulthood and realized that I didn't need to talk about others to make myself feel better, I hated being around it. Give me some advice. Should I send the letter?
Please help me. Would you send it? She obviously needs love. What would you do? Would you just tell her to forget it and move on or would you be like her and hate back? 
lol, I hear you...I've only gotten a bit bigger as I'm getting older
and with the right underwire bra and a couple of those chicken cutlet-looking fake things, I can actually even get some cleavage! Woo-Hoo! lol
What about soccer? Bigger, more brightly-colored - (sm)
ball, and less chance of major injuries. I think running & kicking is more natural & healthy for kids than the pounding football would give them. Especially at that age, and if, as you said, the coach is running them into the ground and dissolving them to tears just during the "conditioning" process. Seems kinda' brutal for any 7-year-old, regardless of eyesight.
I think the Senate has bigger problems on its hands than
If Florida is so concerned about its workers being on drugs, perhaps it should do a better job of patrolling its own borders, and stemming the massive flow of drugs that comes onshore there every single day.
Sorry meant sequins - this is a forum not work - please forgive me for not proofing
**
JAWS: "I think we're gonna need a bigger boat."
*
YIKES! I shoulda proofread before posting. Forgive all the typos and omissions!
Are you a night person or a morning person?
Just curious . . .
I've always let my kids keep messy rms as long as floor was clear & no food was in room. Bigger
s
It probably varies from person to person (sm)
With me, first child I was out of the bed seriously within 5 minutes of having him. I didn't tear or have to be cut, he was 7 pounds, 3 ounces. The doctor did some type of vaginal massage on me though while I was in labor and that was supposed to help loosen the vaginal wall?
Second child, same experience. She was 8 pounds, 1 ounce and within 5 minutes of having her, while they took her to the nursery to get cleaned up and all, I walked downstairs with my husband to the cafeteria to get a drink and stretch my legs. I had already put my regular clothes back on as well. My doctor who delivered her was walking in my room as I was walking in and he was stunned a second and said he thought I was a visitor, LOL, not the patient.
I don't think you have to have bed rest in normal cases. With my son I went home within 24 hours with him and with my daughter we went home in only 20 hours.
Bigger issue - a 16 year old living withi a 29 year old and liability
Are you still not responsible for him until he is 18, how can he tell you where he will live? Unless he emancipates himself and he does something wrong, can they go against you since you are his mother and legally responsible for him? I worry more about him living with a 29 year old sister rather than returning a house key to me that is a bigger issue.
My opinion
I think your husband is probably innocent in this case, but knew that some of the staring people might say something to you. There are two big reasons you need to keep your cool: 1) If he really is completely innocent, you don't want to make a big deal out of nothing. 2) If she is trying to get something started up, you need to pretend to be oblivious or you will never find out. He may have told you just to let you know that other women are still attracted to him, kind of an ego boost for himself. I don't think it sounds like anything he intends to pursue - but like the other poster said, you do need to keep an eye on her.
my opinion
She really sounds like a control freak and a person you should avoid. Tell her to find playmates for her son his own age. She has no right to reprimand your son. I knew a mom like this once - she followed her son around constantly since he was a toddler on up, and he actually grew up with mental deficiencies because she was so over-protective. Now he's an outcast. Kids need a little freedom to play and usually they work things out amongst themselves.
I think you should tell your son to stay away from her and her boy and forget about this woman. She sounds like a nightmare !
Wah, wah, wah! So, I have my opinion, so what?
I just can't bring myself to watch a movie where the girl playing Mary got knocked up at only 16 years old by her 19 year old boyfriend. I gave my opinion, you gave yours. There's no need to jump up my butt about it! Sheesh!
Again, everyone has a right to their opinion.
nm
Just my opinion...
A 12-year-old NO, but a 17-year-old I don't see a problem with it. By that age, it gets hard to keep them in a bubble! And I agree with your husband, they hear it in school and on the streets and more often than not in the home. I am just saying it is out there and it is really hard to keep our kids innocent, although I do try as long as I can, too.
Just my opinion
My parents divorced when I was 13, my dad basically put his new wife ahead and my brother and I and put other women ahead of us after the divorce, extremely hurtful. Every man my mother dated I could not stand. There are times when I do not care for my step dad either, they married when I was 16. It is a very touchy situation and if you are not going to be long term with this guy I would definately not take my daughter on trips with him, this is just from personal experience.
Thank you all so much for your opinion!
get a THIRD opinion.........always.....
My opinion
The thoroughbred racehorse is a genetic mistake. It runs too fast, its frame is too large and its legs are far too small. As long as mankind demands that it run at high speeds under stressful conditions, horses will die at racetracks." (And don't forget that whip in the jockey's hand.) Racehorses are overbred. Those that don't make the cut go straight to auction - a disgusting, heartless place where these beautiful animals are treated like disposable garbage. The immigrant issue is controversial enough without aligning it with a "sport" that should be banned.
well in my opinion
A pretty hot scottish guy! Stars in the new movie coming out soon called 300!!!
in my opinion, i would go to a
board certified plastic surgeon. It's your face, so be careful who you trust. susan
This is just my opinion but I think (sm)
He's being kept on the show, regardless of how the voting turns out (we all know this has GOT to be rigged on the inside SOMEHOW), because of all the buzz he's creating. This is just my opinion, by I bet we see him stick around until there are only 5 or six left. They won't let him actually win but they'll keep him long enough to keep everybody tuning in to see what he'll do next week or how bad he'll be. This is going to be the same scenario as on Dancing With the Stars when P. Miller made it to the final five or six couples. He, also, was creating buzz for the show. JMHO
You have your own opinion
I responded since there were so many replies to my original message I thought I would fill you in on the wonderful world of breastfeeding. I am finished, though, because I have other things to take up my time - since my sister fell and broke her hip. Thanks for reading them, and it matters not to me that anyone thinks I am a sicko - I know that my children are the most stable that you would ever meet in this day and time and I will never apologize for that.
In your opinion...
What's the difference between pleasure and happiness?
opinion
I would call the nearest police department to your grandparents and ask them to do a wellfare check - explain that you have not been able to make contact with them. Show your family that you aren't going to stoop to their level and be childish over something so petty.
Another opinion
Why would you name the kid after your stepdad? Why not give it a neutral name? Sounds like you are getting what you deserve. If you didn't do this intentionally to make trouble, you are at the very least superficial and completely discounted their feelings.
My opinion
is go ahead and talk to one another. It is good to have friends and if the people on this board don't want to read it they should not read it. Some people have nothing better to do than put other people down. My mother says some people aren't happy unless they have something to complain about. Have a good day! Hope you have lots to talk about ;-)
my opinion
My husband was acting very similarly and I finally gave him an ultimatum to go talk to his doctor about going on antidepressants. I think men act aggressively when depressed when women tend to withdraw...Long story short, my husband is back and life is so much better!
opinion
Someone wrote in to Dear Abby or someone similar and had a situation exactly like you describe. The answer was that the husband should stand up to defend his wife and not let you be humiliated and hurt by this cruelty. This is really mental abuse on their part. Shame on your husband for not protecting you from these wenches. Have you ever spoken to your husband about his lack of action i regard to this?
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