Attention: Anon....website for stepmoms
Posted By: Chele on 2008-06-14
In Reply to:
Anon,
I read your post about your stepson. I just wanted to let you know that I belong to a wonderful website that allows stepmoms to talk about their issues, give advice, share positives thoughts, vent, etc. I have learned a lot from the wonderful ladies on there. Here is the website if your are interested.
www.stepsforstepmothers.com
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To ANON
Thank you.......
To another anon
OK....have a good night....
For anon...
Just for the record, I wasn't calling you names. You don't like my opinion, that's fine. I've read your previous posts though, and I don't think some of these other posters have. I was NOT calling you a weird lady, I was stating that to a 6-year-old boy you are some weird lady who is taking his daddy. You and the father were not together long enough for that child to feel any connection to you prior to the marriage, and you have shown nothing but hatred and jealousy toward the child on your weekly posts here. I would (and this is just a guess) imagine you're not all that bonding and loving with the child, so yes...he's not going to think well of you. And I still stand by my belief that a 6-year-old saying I got a slushie and you didn't isn't spiteful or in any way a malacious act. It's a 6-year-old being a 6-year-old.
I agree with anon
Just gradually let the friendship drop. When she wants to see you, tell her you're not available. If she calls to cry on your shoulder, listen for a couple of minutes and then tell her you need to get off the phone. She isn't going to change, so you have to.
BTW, someone below mentioned a friend using the fact that she is bipolar to excuse this kind of behavior. I am bipolar, and while there may be some things I don't handle as well as I would like, I have a steady job, I have been married to the same man for many years, I have a son in college, and my bills are always paid on time. But then, I always take my meds. I may not like the side effects, but I want as "normal" a life as I can have.
Anon - please get help today -
I really don't want to be an alarmist, however, we all read the news and every day there's a report of wife who disappears (or is killed by her husband.) If (and this is a big IF) he is getting worse and IF you feel threatened by his behavior - get help! Look in the white pages for social services and find a woman's help group. Only you can tell if he's getting angry and if you're frightened. If I were frightened in any way by my husband or his behavior I'd be out of there! We cannot give you any other advice than to seek advice in your community before it's too late. Again, to reiterate and make my point, it really sounds like he's into porn. There's many types of porn from the mild Playboy type to the really ugly violent porn! I hear that it becomes addicting to some people and, if that is the case here, I would seek help immediately!
So, Anon, be your own Best Friend...
and do what you know you need to do. We've all given you good advice here. There is free legal aid and counseling available all over the country, big towns and small. Act in your own best interests. Pretend that your best friend is being abused in this manner and look up the info for "her". For some reason you are reticent to do this. Are you afraid you cannot make it on your own? Are you afraid that he'll come after you? Do you think that the marriage can be saved? Do what Ann Landers always says "think about whether your life would be better or worse without him in it". If you think that it would be better without him in it then you need to make a decision to get the help you need. Don't tell him what you're thinking about doing. Don't let him find out you're making copies of necessary paperwork. This is about YOU and YOUR needs (necessities really). BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND! (Sorry about yelling - just trying to get through to you!)
Do you have kids anon?
I agree spanking should be kept to a minimum, but sometimes with younger kids it is necessary imo. When my oldest was 3 or 4 I had my cart full of groceries and my hands full and told him to stay right by my side and hold onto the cart when we cross the parking lot. He ran right out into traffic! I spanked him right there in the parking lot because I wanted him to remember to NEVER do that again. I also talked with him about once we were in the car, but some situations call for spanking imo.
Some parents never spank their kids, and good for them, but if a parent wants to smack a kid on the butt sometimes that is their business. I don't like spanking too much though because it does send a message of violence and fear, but sometimes fear is the only thing that gets through their thick skulls! I think you should give a warning first normally and not hit out of your own need to vent, but to get a message across to the child. Plus, some kids are such spoiled brats that their parents should spank. Overindulgence is also a form of abuse and will only harm the child in the longrun. So I do have mixed feelings on it, but I don't think it's fair to say that parents should never spank their kids.
reply to Anon sm
I can see where you are coming from but there is a simple answer - change the channel. There is plenty out there for everyone. I get sick of the ugliness myself but it pays the bills for the stations and it amuses small minds. You have to have a bigger set of values and flip the channel, change the station, put on some nice music, read something positive, take a walk, etc. There is an old song with the lyrics, "You gotta accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative and don't mess with Mister In-between." It's all out there, you don't have to pay attention to it or you will be just like "them."
I agree with anon
He seems to just be content and getting too comfy, maybe mix it up a bit. Make sure you have eye contact with him when you are speaking to him. My hubby's personality is also kind of bully-ish and tends to come across that way, especially when he is grumpy after working all day, just like I am. I tend to take care of the house, 4 kids, the animals, etc. and work full time, so I am grumpy as well. I make sure that we get a hug in and an "I love you" daily and that seems to help. The more I have taken to doing this, the more relaxed things are in the house. Try to get an hour alone every week for just the two of you. My hubby and I make sure we get 15 minutes to talk about our day every day. Try not to take offense of what he is doing, just try something different. It sounds like your in a rut.
I did it - anon from yesterday (sm)
It's all reported and official. Now I don't feel so alone. I don't want to get into a big discussion on here in case he is checking to see if I posted anything...but it's all documented by the right people and they have my back. Starting my kids in counselling there as well. I feel my backbone growing back :-) If you have replies please reply to the orginal post below...don't want it to be right up top again, just in case. Thanks for all the words of wisdom and encouragement yesterday.
i care anon,
and i am sure many others do to, but don't know how to help. i never read your previous post below until now. difficult times cause us to grow personally and adds to our character. nothing was ever gained (or made easier) by giving up. you have to hang in there. i really don't have much to offer either, except to suggest that you go the emergency room for treatment. Worry about the cost later. there are so many sources of help available, social services, etc, pantries, shelters, help phone lines. Your true source of help is God above. Learn about him, pray, devote your life to him. call a minister. I would suggest to speak to someone at the church of Christ; ask for spiritual counseling. There are many who would love the opportunity to help. i wish you the best.
I care too, anon!
Please contact me by e-mail if you just need someone to talk to....or someone to listen to you. My heart goes out to you. We are all very concerned about you and care very much, but the anonymity of this board is frustrating. We can't reach out and hug you like we would like to! Please know that we do still care and think about you often!
Thank you for responding, sm and anon...
I didn't know about not having to pay those fees. This time I really did some homework as far as the dealer's list price versus MRSP, etc. The confidence thing needs work, though. My last 3 cars lasted 10 years, so I don't get a lot of practice with this.
Yes, like I said, by all means go to Al-Anon. sm
You work the Al-Anon program for yourself and not for the alcoholic. You'll be more than glad you did. Not to necessarily save your marriage, but to save YOURSELF.
I think someone liked the attention
The "I'm so appalled" act is just that, an act.
I can't imagine being that needy of male attention beyond high school or college age, but that's what I'm reading into this one.
Most likely it was done for attention, like
everything else she's been doing. That's what you have to do when everybody has already seen your shaved nether-regions, I guess.
She does it for the attention, especially if she's sm
grinning at you afterward. I would just put her in the playpen or in the middle of the livingroom floor where she can't bang into anything or hurt herself and walk away. If she doesn't get a reaction, it won't be fun anymore. Good luck. They can be real stinkers, even at that young age.
He only wants attention
He only wants back what he had before, which was someone taking care of him financially and other ways. His threats of suicide are only to make you feel sorry for him and do what he wants. basically a form of manipulation. A person who truly wants to end his life will not "threaten", but just do it. been there with others in my family. If you "allow" him to manipulate you, you are feeding his problem. Make him stand on his own and either make it or fail. If he fails enough, he will learn to make it on his own. Don't take up his whining. Don't give into his "demands." Don't answer the phone. Don't answer the door. When he can't find someone to feel sorry for him, he will move on to the next target, or try it on his own. He has just never grown up. He has been catered to all his life and wants that to not change. My mother is the same way. You have to be strong. You have to disassociate. It's hard, but "tough love." good luck to you.
Just pay attention
to what he says and does in the future. It may have had harmless intent, but if he really is looking to use you, it will keep showing up in various ways.
Anon poster, do you have any idea...
HOW HILARIOUS THAT WAS?! Oh my god! That post is truly a hidden jewel and I hope others read it!
I'd prefer to stay mainly anon except to say
I recently relocated to Texas (I have a few co-workers/friends that visit these boards and I really don't want them to know about my daughter's situation, it's rather embarassing to me).
I'm very angered with the school system. Not just this situation but also the special ed stuff going on with my son. The district my kids are in seems too busy to really want to deal with the parent. That's why I know if I marched down there tomorrow about my daughter's punishment, I'd get nowhere but have a headache. It's just not worth it to me right now, as I'm so very busy and with the holidays, it all stinks, ya know.
Thanks for listening.
Hey anon - I posted above but will just say a line here
Not calling Animal Control because they really are not cruel to their dog. Actually I think the dog should say and Animal Control should take them away. HA HA. Dogs not tied up and every once in awhile (every other day) it gets loose and they go running down the road yelling after it. Why they even have a dog I don't understand. Anyway...they are not cruel to it, they feed it, pay attention to it and it goes in their house at night to sleep. They are just fools that don't have any consideration for their neighbors and giving their neigbors some peace and quiet, but thanks for your post. Bout a year ago at a different location we had to call animal control. Neighbors at another place took off for 2 weeks and left their dog alone. We had to have PD come to see if something didn't happen to them inside the house. Come to find out those flaming imbilci!es went on a vacation and didn't make any arrangements for their dog. They had a freind look in but the friend showed up twice in two weeks. We offered them free pet sitting if they were planning to go away again.
Anon said 'stupider' is NOT EVEN a word.
IT IS A WORD, BOTH can be used!
Can't you even read, go back and read her post!
Well, I am European and I use British English, where English originated.
There are a lot of people who say that American English is not even English!
Glad to burst your bubble!
You are the stupidest!
ya really think the cashiers even PAY ATTENTION????
She's getting waaaay too much attention
I heard she was offered a half million dollar contract to be a spokesperson for an adult DVD company.
THANK YOU for bringing that to my attention
I totally agree, and I signed the petition. I wish they would pass a similar bill about childbirth. Some women can only stay in the hospital 24 hours after their child is born (or it may be 24 hours total, I'm not sure). Or at least that's all their insurance will pay for, if it is a healthy birth with no complications.
I am currently fighting with my HMO about a medication that I desperately need. At the moment I am buying it through a "Canadian pharmacy" (based in New York state) and it is sent to me from Mumbai, India. In the U.S., the medication costs $10.00 a pill!!! Through this pharmacy, I get it for $1.77 a pill. But it is still more than twice what my normal co-pay would be if the $#@%#$ HMO would cover it.
So any kind of insurance reform bills that ANYONE knows about, PLEASE pass the info along. Thanks!
This sounds more like a way to get attention.
If he's feeling like he wants to do things himself, then let him. I think if you feed into it then that would make him do it more. I would simply say to him "Okay, if you're not going to be nice, then Mommy is leaving the room now". Tell him to let you know when he can be nice and you'll come back to play or show him things. He does probably know this behavior causes quite a stir with you. He'll most likely grow out of it though. I think all kids have temper tantrums. It is part of growing up. Some adults even still to this day throw temper tantrums, so go figure! I'm sure things will work themselves out.
P/S: Reward him for good behavior and time out or not giving him attention for bad behavior. Put a chart on the refrigerator so that he can keep track himself when he is nice and watch how fast he wants to be nice so he can put the sticker on the chart or what have you! 
Sounds like he got a LOT of attention
x
I'll bet if you pay attention
you will discover some fears. Some you might not recognize as fear but insecurities are fears and everyone has some.
I think that attention-seeker should definitely
give her poor mom a break, and quit sponging off her. Then she could hire a couple Super-nannies to take care of all those kids, and pay her own medical bills for them, instead of us taxpayers.
I think she'd be an excellent porn-star. She's halfway there already.
True Anon, but Christ is being removed out of everything and that isn't right either.
t
Calling AA will do you no good. You need to call Al-Anon.
nm
thank you, anon. And this, Philly, is why your posts are inappropriate.
nm
Nobody loves you when you're down - anon from a few days ago (sm)
So after telling my story and getting some really nice encouragement from some people and getting bashed by others, and having friends and church leaders encourage me to report all that was going on in my home, I have the sinking feeling that once I did what I was told to do it was like, "good luck with that." I can't get any guarantees or promises from anyone I have talked to yet. I am worse off than I was before and scared to death.
People should pay attention and put posts on
nm
Media and attention seekers...sm
There is nothing wrong with "children today" anymore than children of any other day. Half the problem is the media and all the attention they are giving this and other similar things of this nature. The media are reporting every shooting, every violent act they can get their hands on and grouping them together because people watch this crap. Bad things happen every day and will continue to happen. It's just part of life. The more media attention things like this get, the more people wanting attention will copy it.
Pay attention to post above hypothyroid too
because I, after taking Synthroid for years and having the excessive hair loss among other things, came to this board and was told about Armour and I went to my physician and told him that was what I wanted and got onto that. The itching immediately went away, the coldness stays with me as soon as the temperature dips, have cold extremities always in the winter months and as I said before, still have moments of absolute exhausation where I take time to just recline and spend about 30 minutes there. I told my daughter about my diagnosis but could not find on my maternal side a previous diagnosis. Asking my father, he was unable to give me any history on his side so I figured we just ought to do a DNA. Just kidding. Good luck!
They need it all - Love, attention and Discipline (sm)
Not saying my two will never do anything wrong - they are 10 and 7 - but I shower them with love and attention - However, they know what lines not to cross too. However in the case above, it just sounds like pure out neglect -my 10 year old would not be somewhere without me knowing it to begin with (nor when he is 12 for that matter)and it would not even cross his mind to do something like that. I would think he had gone totally insane!
Could be an attention/jealously thing too - sm
Why did dad take both kids to the game? Yeah its a lot harder with a little one but he needs to learn how to act when out in public too. We started taking ours out to dinner with us at a young age. They know how to act in a resturant and behave because of it. As for his comment on how hard can it be, this Saturday I'd dump the 3-y/o on him and go out for the entire day and see how he copes. My 2 (girls) have always been pretty good, they have had their moments and I have used time-outs, spanking, taking away treats/toys, etc. But are you right on target ignoring it, just walk away and let him scream, if he makes a mess have him (help) clean it up after he is done wailing. As it maybe being a cry for more of your attention or your husbands, are you working more than usual right now, do you spend any 1:1 time with him for say 20-30 minutes a day? If he doesn't get much of that then try making some time for him and get your DH to take him somewhere too just the 2 of them (granted if he is anything like my DH he never has the kids.....mine just started doing stuff with them on his own about 2 years ago when they were 5 and 7, so I get the rare 3 hours to myself on Saturday if he takes them to the movies or bowling). But your DH definitely needs to get a clue.
he wants your attention; take an hour and play with him
nm
Sounds like she is trying to get attention to me and it is working. sm
Can you not call and speak to the counselor yourself rather than your son? I couldn't confront the mother either but the counselor could if she saw it fit.
But look at all the attention you get every time you post about it. sm
As Dr. Phil would say, you're getting something out of this drama. You're getting all kinds of attention and pity. You spend a lot of time recounting all the details of every encounter on here.
I think lots of times it is the 1 you don't pay attention to
How about the 17 year old in Germany that killed so many today. He was an average student, blended in, no problems before in his life and suddenly goes on a rampage, goes back to his old high school and shoots at random. I probably would be taking a 5 years old's comment like this with a grain of salt knowing the age. I would let it go this time but if it continued then I would think who would be the most objective, the parents, someone at school and that is who I would approach. The parents might even be worse than this kid. I have seen really bad kid before and what do you know, the parent just as bad.
To anon..She was trying to explain to the rest of us in simple terms...sm
how mares foal, bkz most of us don't have the opportunity to see that. You don't even know how many horses and other animals Hayseed has and cares for every day!
I suggest you apologize immediately.  Cat
And I think someone is jealous, what's wrong, no male attention for you? lol
I totally agree with the OP. I too have been inappropriately treated by men, uncomfortable staring or smiling or flitatious comments and it gets a little tiresome. The problem is that men never grow up. They would do this into their 90s if they could still see!
yup - back and CRAVING attention, as usual...n/m
When did parents stop paying attention?
I'm nearly done raising my kids, and they're good kids. In addition, I've been a boy scout leader for 12 years, so often I'm around a lot of really good kids who have parents who care. Tonight I was helping out a cub scout meeting with a bunch of bright-eyed, energetic cubs. Two of our older boys, 12-year-olds from the boy scout troop were also helping out. At one point, the kids all went outside with the den leader and another parent to do an activity. This was around 7:30 p.m. and it was dark outside. One of the boy scouts came back inside to get me. He wanted to let me know that they had to move the cubbies away from some "bigger" kids outside. Turns out, there were some 9th graders hanging out at the back of the school building where we meet. They were sitting near the playground, smoking and filling an empty 2-liter soda bottle with smoke, making smoke rings. They weren't particularly noisy, but their language was atrocious. Obviously, we didn't want that example near the little ones.
So I walked over and said to them in a calm voice, "Hey folks, I'm bringing some 2nd graders around here, and I'd like for you to move off the property." They just looked at me with an "I-hate-the-world" look, rolled their eyes and said, "Yeah, sure." Of course, there was no movement. I say, "I've asked you nicely once. You move now. You don't get another warning." One of our scout dads started heading over at that point. He's a big man about 300 pounds. These kids, two boys and a girl, started spewing language you wouldn't want a longshoreman to hear. I'm no prude, and I've done less than bright things as a teenager, and I've paid my dues working with some troubled kids. I wasn't shocked by the language, though, I didn't like it at all.
I did, at one point, say to them, "Look, can you do this at home?" The girl's reply was, "Yeah, my parents aren't old."
That one actually made me laugh. I said to her, "Well, if it's ok to do this at home, then that's a good place to be. You can't be here." She started screeching about how adults just don't show respect to her, and I laughed and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, really sorry. Because that means you don't understand that you are being treated just the way you are asking me to treat you. In fact, I'm being way more patient than I need to be." I know she didn't understand. Nothing was out of bounds with these kids. The other adult with me made a remark to them about how little he thought of their parents because of their behavior. One overly-brave kid said that his parents were fantastic and let him do whatever he wanted. Yeah. That was pretty obvious. He told us we shouldn't be disrespecting his parents. I told him that I would never want to do that. Would he, therefore, please go home, tell his parents what happened and send them back down to me. I'd be there for the next 30 minutes. No one showed of, of course.
What gets me isn't so much the smoking, the lack of concern about the example they set for the little children nearby, or the language. Certainly, all of that was awful. But the big problem was the complete lack of respect they have for anyone else, especially adults. And as they behaved like obnoxious brats, they preached about how they should be treated with respect! I hear this over and over form kids. If I can get them to actually have a decent dialogue, I usually ask the kids to define respect. They generally give me a correct definition, but that's not what they are asking for. What they really mean when they say that adults don't respect them is, "You won't let me do what I want to do."
So when did parents stop teaching kids these basic rules of conduct, and when did parents forget to really teach children about respect for others and respect for themselves? I'd be absolutely sure the world was going to Hades in a handbasket if it weren't for the really wonderful kids I work with each week. "My" boy scouts are great kids!
Unfortunately, the 12-year-old boy scout who called my attention to the loitering kids saw most of the exchange above. But later he came to me and said, "You know what? Now I know why you are constantly on top of us about our language and our behavior at scouts."
"Really? Why's that?"
"Those kids don't even realize that what they were doing was so awful. They think they have a right to argue and yell and curse. They do it all the time at school, so they think it's o.k. If you were to let us do that all the time, we'd think it was o.k., too."
Now there's a kid who will go far! And it was one of my payoff moments in scouts!
I blame the parents. Children are not getting the love and attention
xx
Pay close attention to the post above...It is righter than rain!!!
NM
Are you the Anon who was worried abt possibly violence or hubby taking your kids? m
Best of luck to you for taking the steps to change your life. I wish you well.
Imagine that men are checking me out? Hardley the case! Starved for attention? Nope just asking a qu
other people's intelligent comments, I was not looking for ignorant assumptions! Starved for attention? Not exactly. Is that a problem that you yourself are facing?
Had you have read all of my posts (OP) you would see that I was only looking for comments from others to see if this was odd behavior or not...and I thanked everyone for their comments regardless of their answers! I was not looking to start a fight here! Please do not be nasty! It is not necessary! We are all adults here!
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