As the wife of a past mud-bogger....I can tell you this (sm)
Posted By: Wife of a similar guy on 2008-09-01
In Reply to: Lack of help from future son-in-law - Susan
I think he actually should be nice and be willing to help. No he is not obligated to do so, but he should do it out of kindness. My husband as I type, is still out, having driven far off to go duck hunting. Everything is always left up to me and I am afraid that is how it will also be for your daughter. If he is not helpful now, right before the marriage, he will only get worse after. That is a fact. It is a reflection on how much he values your daughter as well. Knowing that her mother is single and does not have others to help, he should be more than willing to come and help. In my case, my husband has never done anything for my family, but I am expected to do tons for his. I do a lot for them and I don't mind, but they never understand that I also do 99% of the child care and house work around here, and I also work. I work from home because with all of my husband's hobbies, someone has to be home to take care of things here!! Okay, off my soap box now. But I disagree with the poster below...You do have a right to be offended.
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I never said anything about what I have done in my past
heavens, I had premarital sex, had several abortions, drank until in a drunken state, smoked like a house of fire, cursed, had lots of sexual partners in the past, rode a motorcycle without a helmet, ate fast food, indulged in Burger Kings especially, drove way over the speed limits, cheated on my first husband but...... that was in my past. I never said I was angel, never. I changed as I aged and hopefully gained some wisdom over the years. I obey most of the laws now although living in Atlanta I still speed. All the above things of the past. I am saying and will continue to say, rules are made by the people voted into office. If you don't like them, vote and change things. Oh, something else, after marrying this last husband I even stopped drinking Cokes. I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to. And answer to another post, they have stopped selling Cokes in a lot of the schools because the kids are becoming so obese and that is just another way for them to indulge in meaningless calories. All the things listed in my previous post stand as I told them. And by the way, chickee dee, never mentioned I did unsafe or unhealthy, just came to my senses and stopped a lot of stuff.
I have something in my past
That I haven't told my husband and I don't plan on it. No one but me and one other person knows about it and the other person is long gone. It was something medical, and no it wasn't an unwanted pregnancy or anything like that. There's no need for him to know since I didn't know my husband back then and it doesn't have any bearing on anything in our relationship now.
I think in the past...
it used to be that way, but not anymore. So many boys now are not circumcised, it's quite normal. As far as I know, it is not recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics, so it is not a routine procedure in most hospitals and parents need to specifically ask for it. I have heard that some hospitals do not even perform it in-house. Also, are insurance companies even paying for this procedure anymore? I think many do not cover it.
What I have experienced in that past -
I agree with the other poster. That money is really *good faith money.* The buyer puts that money up in order to show you they want the house and for you to hold it for them until closing. You will not see any money of any kind until closing. If the deal falls through you can often collect that money or a portion of it. You really need to keep in close contact with your real estate agent. After all, they are getting paid mighty well to sell your home! :-)
I don't know how women in the past did that - sm
I mean for me it hurt like the dickens (unfortunately did "it" twice that fateful evening) and I couldn't walk without incredible pain for days afterwards. Who would want to deal with that on their honeymoon? Certain would kill the urge.... Now maybe that is not the norm, but I swear childbirth was easier.
Past retirement age.
NM
She's graduated past the age
where you should feel an obligation of any kind.
You are her godparent, so she is supposed to give you a gift, right? Is she?
Sharing your past
I have an 18 yo son and a 16 yo daughter and this subject comes up occasionally. So far we haven't had to worry about their drinking or drugging, and it may have something to do with how both our pasts have been part of our teachings, age-appropriate, of course. We both come from alcoholic families though were blessed never to become alcoholic ourselves, but we've shared some of our expeirences from the standpoint of how they made our lives more complicated. We strive for simplicity in our family, and they can see how immoral behavior almost always makes for a more complicated life. At 18 and 16 they both just tasted wine for the first time (other than church) this Christmas and none of their friends drink, or even smoke. They know their grandmother died of emphysema.
They also know that my life changed drastically when their oldest brother was born 37 years ago when I was 18, and also that both their father and I have struggled hard all our lives because of not going to college. For every "but you came out okay" there's the answer that it could have been so much easier to get here had we made different choices, and making the right choices is what it's all about, isn't it?
No...but just can't get past this one - still ROFL!
x
Way past childbearing age..
NM
Just how often has he abused you in the past.If you
x
what is something you have bought in the past you will NEVER
Mine is Little Critters Omega-3 Gummy Fish. Cute concept but the berry, lemon and strawberry flavoried gummies somehow manage to taste like fruity flavored fish ![Shocked](http://www.thedailyplate.com/forum/images/smiles/icon_eek.gif") When I got them, my kids gagged with the first one and wouldn't even touch the second one for the recommended 2 a day. So guess who is choking down 2 of those suckers every day now?
We just got WII fit this past week
I'm waiting for school to start so I can do it with no one home!!! Glad to hear there is a password so you can hide your weight and BMI. ;)
We bought this WII for my son last Christmas and I can honestly say it was money well spent. They have a blast with it and they aren't constantly sitting. We don't have the Guitar Hero but maybe that will be next on the list.
A lot of us have things in our past........ sm
that we are not proud of, and while we do not deliberately try to hide them, sometimes it is just easier not to talk about them as it is painful and very often misunderstood by those around us, even our spouses.
It is not my business what this "secret" is that your husband has, but it sounds as if it is something that he has learned a lesson from and probably will not end up repeating in the future.
My own personal opinion is that if this is not something that is threatening your marriage or your children right now, I would let the past stay in the past. In other words, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
WOW! I will try this but sure hope I can get past
nm
If I could change the past
I would either change my parents to parents who wanted me and loved me like I do my children. Or I would have my mother put me up for adoption like she did one of my sisters....she was the lucky one. I envy her. A mother who does not love you will affect your whole life, but it made me want to be a loving mother.
Thanks everyone. I have had mono in the past so (sm)
that is why they did not think that is the problem now. I didn't try the pepper yet...kind of chicken I think. But I will try that and if I am not better in the next day or two I will go and ask about my thyroid. I have been borderline hypothyroid for a long time so it wouldn't be a big surprise.
Thanks again
Where were you the past 8 years? LOL. nm
nm
My son met his wife somehow
on the internet. They've been married 4 years..Very nice girl... Also know 2 other couples who met online and happy together. susan
Does he have a wife?
Maybe you can talk more calmly with her about it. I would be furious too! But if confronting him you don't know what you may do or say and your daughter doesn't need to lose a friend right now. Dyslexia is not the worst thing that can happen, although right now to her and you it may seem that way.
Have you looked into the disability act laws and getting her some support or into programs for this?
Share the below with your daugher, if you haven't already, it is a list of famous people that had dyslexia; Albert Einstein. Tom Cruise. Thomas Edison. Many others.
http://www.dyslexiamentor.com/famousdyslexics.php
All the best to both of you.
To wife sm
Try some on-line help anonymously for awhile. Just Google recovery or AAonline and you should find some help there. Give him credit and help him. Remove all alcohol from the house, support him and realize it IS a disease, not a flaw in his personality, he inherited this in the gene pool but although there is no cure, it can be turned around with the right support. I know someone who will not admit it and he has lost everything.He thinks beer is not alcohol. So be grateful for the awareness and pay no attention from those who judge. Good luck, it takes a lot of work, it didn't come on overnight but with your help and his higher power, he can do it if he is ready.There is Al-Anon, AA, Adult Children of Alcoholics but beware, some go to these meetings and tell all they hear there. You can decide later if you want the whole community to know. Usually those who judge point the finger, having three pointing back at themselves. It's not always anonymous. Get some professional advice and get rid of all the temptations. You may have to change playmates and playgrounds. You will figure this out as you go along. Only listen to the positive, ignore all who judge, they know not of what they speak, it's a disease. Just treat it as taking the sugar away from the diabetic, same scenario, help but do not enable!
My son and his wife - sm
have been married eleven years and over time developed a pattern for Thanksgiving, at least - they trade off years, one year coming to our house for dinner and her parents' house for dessert, and vice-versa. Of course, she's not a cook and has never been interested in hosting their own holiday dinner. They've always slept over Christmas Eve at our house as we have two more children still in school (had actually, one's not in school anymore but living at home) and shared Christmas morning with us, then go to her parents' house for Christmas dinner. I don't know if that's going to change now that the last of the kids are basically grown now. Unfortunately they aren't able to have kids, but if they did I would encourage them to stay home and we would come to them.
Yes. My son's second wife never
cooked. It was always McD's, Taco Bell, Pizza, etc. She never cleaned either. All she knew how to do was spend the bill money. (She didn't work, BTW).
Now my grandson is on a diet at 15 yo, 195 pounds.Thank heavens, my son woke up and got rid of her.
My mom worked every day and when she came home, made supper and it was always on the table by 5-5:30. If my father was on the 2nd shift, she'd make him a hot meal, put it in a square metal container and I would bicycle it to his work. When I was old enough to use the stove, I would make supper once or twice a night. In the summer, I would clean the house so she would have less to do.
I worked 2 jobs most of my life, but always had time to take my boys to their baseball practice, wrestling practice, and when old enough, to their PT job and pick them up at 10-11:00 when they would get off, went to open house every year to see how they were doing, etc. I also made sure their homework was done (not that boys really bring homework home in those days LOL), had a meal on the table for them every night, never had snacks like chips or pretzels in the house. The only thing they had to drink was water or milk. No soda. BTW, my husband during this time was away from home all week, so it was all left to me.
The parents today are too pressured, as are the kids. Kids are not allowed to be kids anymore. They are 7 going on 70. I think it's time they get back to being normal kids. They need breathing room. I don't know who ever decided that the kids had to be in every sport, every club, every volunteer activity the school has, but it's crazy. Not all kids fit that mold and they shouldn't have to. Plus their grades are expected to be A's and B's, nothing less. Perfection is the norm and no one is perfect.
What's wrong with this picture?
I'll jump down from my soapbox now.
Anyone out there with a gothic kid present or in the past???sm
If your child was previously gothic, how long did it take for them to grow out of this phase? I'm tired of seeing our 15-year-old wear black all of the time. She refuses to wear anything else, and the black eyeshadow looks ridiculous. I told her the other day that if she isn't going to wear her other makeup that she wanted over the summer then give it to me as I'd give it to a kid that would wear it - especially since there is some that hasn't been opened yet. She isn't happy that we won't let her get those weird body piercings or tattoos... but oh well, we've told her that until she is on her own she has to live by our rules. Overall she's a good kid and doesn't socialize outside of school so at least we're not dealing with the "what's my kid doing with their friends at night" thing!
Watched all for the past 6 years now
but went to their show after year before last and really disappointed. I thought they would have more of the singers together, left before it was over but I love the show and wouldn’t miss for anything.
In the past, great vacation
I have been to several Club Meds, started out in Eluthra in the Bahamas, then Cancun about 3 times, Paradise Island in the Bahamas, Ixtapa in Mexico, Playa Blanca in Mexico and then the last trip my daughter and I took was to Turks and Caicos. You can see, I really loved Club Med at one time when children or just my daughter and I traveled together. I loved the fact that all you had to do was get your suitcase there and from then on your trip all paid for. Now having said that, I feel now Club Med is overpriced for the deals you can get now days. At one time the all inclusive was Club Med and now so many others have the same to offer at lower prices. The last time I was in Cancun I was very disappointed in the food, not like I had been all the other times. I had a wonderful time for those years I did go, though.
I guess that got past me but what does going to private
school have to do with this? Things that were in our past we have no control over. I live in the "deep south" and I am prejudiced, very much so, have always been, against thin women, healthy volumed hair ladies, people who do not like animals and my list goes on and on. I do think with all that happened in our deep south, you would not think we would have such an influx of blacks wanting to settle here and call it home, would you? Bad things can happen anywhere, anywhere.
My goodness, I am so past worrying
I have a mixed daughter who is 32 years of age. I lived in Atlanta proper for 29 years. I have NEVER had a problem with a mixed marriage. None. My daughter has told me she has the best of both worlds. She has all kinds of friends, white, black, Asian. I was sooooo kidding when I wrote that. I was first married in the early 70s to her father here in the DEEP south so if I were afraid, it would have been years ago. I was just getting a social lesson when the person referring to how things are in the south. Oh by the way, you know Florida is not really, for whatever reasons, considered a southern state. My BIL lives in Tampa and his daughter lives in a house that is outta sight. Folks do not have to just live in Atlanta (talking blacks) in order to have the better things in life.
I have done a lot of research on Anna in the past and of course now sm
since her death. Sorry, but none of your claims are true, according to my facts. No offense against you.
First, the son of the billionaire died on June 20 of last year after a short battle with an infection. So there goes the claims that the billionaire's did that.
Second. Anna is not married to Howard K. Stern, her attorney. They had a committment ceremony which both the Bahamas and the US do not recognize. UNLESS she has a will, which at this point we do not know, Howard isn't entitled to anything, BUT Daniel Lynn, her daughter, is. So, to me, I don't think he did it. I do, however, think he contributed to Daniel's death since there are reports that he immediately dumped pills down the toilet in her hospital room in the Bahamas once he realized Daniel was dead. Many reports on this one. He gave Daniel Vicodin (which is also what Anna was claimed to be addicted to), and Daniel was also on 2 other antidepressants he began taking a few months prior.
As far as Larry Birkhead, the previous boyfriend, according to his website dated Feb. 8, Anna was his soul mate. He was waiting for her to come back to him and leave Howard so they could raise their baby together. I know, weird. He just sent her a box with a photo album and clothes for the baby with a picture of both of them when they were together. It is said that he has been unconsolable since hearing of her death. I feel for him. That is his child, if you ask me. It is. Doesn't even look like Howard, who is Jewish. I am part Jewish. Very dark skin, dark hair. The baby is very, very fair skinned, almost red hair, light eyes. Most definitely not Howard's in my honest opinion.
Third, or fourth point. And I promise, I'll be done after this. Anna died of pure heartbreak, drug overdose, and a combination of the flu/pneumonia. Sources say she has never been the same since Sep. 10 when her son died. They said, she just lost her spark. I can't imagine. I definitely believe, after coming to my own conclusions, that Anna died of unintentional suicide.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox now! LOL
Agree.......in the past I was with a man with a child
and a good piece of advice I can give is... unless you don't mind always being #2 (which is actually the way it should be when someone has kids) then stay away. It's that simple. I left him and found someone without children because I wanted to be #1, or at least until we both had children together.
I worked that scale in the past too.
Some companies actually still do it. Seems like the Lanier programs are set for this.
Production counts can be based on characters, words, lines, or pages and the system supports difficulty factors by doctor and/or report type. More difficult production work would be weighted depending on transcription difficulty. Now I think they just give you so called "salary comensurate with experience". Yeah right.
There have been jokes made in the past
about how she kind of looked robotic. I thought last night she was way to animated. I kind of liked the twist about having enemies in the house, but the one with the estranged father and daughter was terrible. This show is not about family therapy and I could not believe a father would do that to his daughter. JMO
nothing-it was an hour of past scenes of
like eric and jessica.......borrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnngggggggg. I watched the feeds last night on Showtime 2 and across the screen it said that earlier in the evening, the Jury house sat with Daniele and ED and asked all kinds of questions and then went into deliberation until tomorrow night....but from the feeds, you wouldn't have known that this occurred - Daniele/ED must have been instructed to not discuss that on the feeds...and they did discuss some of the things that they were not to discuss over the summer last night on the feeds.
This past weekend my neice was
leaving school (this is her freshman year) to come home for the weekend. Her car wouldn't start. She certainly could have called her RA for suggestions or even called campus securtiy but due to no experience with something like this she caught a ride with a friend that lives in our area. Her mother and a friend took her back to school yesterday with jumper cables (turns out the battery was dead cause she had left a light on) and a few lessons about her car. They showed her how to use the cables, check air pressure in tires, check oil, washer fluid, etc. Both my kids are still home so these are things I had never thought of and obviously my SIL hadn't either. A lot of these things I still don't know. I lived with my parents until the day I married so I have always had someone to take care of these things for me. I just wanted to pass along this tip for anyone else like me that just never thought about it before. I guess we all live and learn.
current and past choices
Current: NCIS, Mad Men, Damages
Past: West Wing, Will & Grace, M*A*S*H, Shark, Golden Girls
Dogs - past and present
What breed(s) do you have now? What have you had in the past?
I have two Basset Hounds now.
In the past, I've owned a Beagle/German Shepherd mix, a PitBull/Doberman mix, a Beagle, and another Basset Hound. Growing up, I had a Chihuahua and an English Springer Spaniel.
Love Basset Hounds the best of all breeds, followed closely by the Beagle.
I have fostered dogs in the past, but
had a hard time giving them up, still have all three! In my area, the shelter relies heavily on donations to keep operating efficiently, so basically the foster homes take responsibility for all expenses of the animal being fostered. Fostering gives animals a chance who would otherwise be put to death because of lack of room, money or lack of people to rehabilitate the ones who have been mistreated and need extra attention. It is so worth it to give an animal a second chance at life. You have to be willing to let go though when the time comes and it is very hard to do. I just could not do it and so now just stick to volunteering at the shelter and doing fundraising and stuff.
Fake for the past 3 years
I love it. Lights came attached and are remote control, no untangling of lights! Not to mention I bought it on sale 3 years ago for $99 so it's already more than paid for itself. I miss the smell of a real tree but not the mess and constant watering and picking up needles, trying to keep my animals from drinking out of the water in the base, etc. :)
Best gifts given and/or received in the past? sm
I'd say my best gift I have ever given would have to be my DH's custom made leather wallet with his initials on it about 20 years ago. He is still using it to this day!! Cannot for the life of me remember how expensive or inexpensive it was then though but surely has tripled by now anyways, LOL!
Best gift I received wasn't actually Christmas gift. I would say it was gifts for MT week several years ago. We got a package from our MTSO with a gift to open for each day of the week. Small stuff but was a very nice gesture and tickled to have a new gift each day! Oh those were the good times...........
Similar symptoms in the past
I went to my primary care, and they said I had anxiety/panic issues caused mainly by stress. I got a mood stabilizer and took it for about six months with some minimal side effects, and have not had the problem since until recently, about 10 years later. I do really feel for you, as I remember at one point sitting there thinking I had completely lost my mind. Ask your PCP about depression/anxiety/stress issues, and see if that isn't something that should be considered. Good luck!
Then you must have done a lot of hiding out these past 8 years!
NM
Women still die in childbirth now, not just in the past.
NM
I will give you 3 things I have gotten in the past
You could not have a more picky guy than mine. I do not buy his clothing, etc. because of his pickiness. Several years ago I bought him probably 25 different assortment of all kinds of beers (he enjoys 1 now and then when off work). Another time I went to a gourmet type shop and got crackers, cheeses, wines and beers again then my last one was the wine and cheese club I hooked up with for a 3 month supply. Now ladies, don’t get me wrong. These 3 things not given back to back. These were over a 10 year period of just buying b'day, Christmas and the like.
Not broke here but in years past
could probably not really rub 2 nickels together. I am sorry so many others have lost their jobs, etc. I have been able to, so far, keep my job and my hubby has a union job and he is still there although at his job they have laid off some. I have money saved so if his job had been threatened, feel like have enough to get us through several months or even years if need be but I would hate to come to that. I have not changed any spending habits, in fact need to rein in my overspending. I heard cigarettes were extremely expensive now- a carton for over $50.00?
Speaking of past winners, what ever
became of Taylor Hicks? Did he ever release any songs or have any hits? He may have & I just didn't notice...
Talking to the ex-wife
Your boyfriend/husband talks to his ex-wife because he is mature. She means nothing to him. He would be with her, not you, if that was his choice. Don't you have ex-boyfriends? Do you speak when you meet them in the street? Please don't go down this road or you will experience a LOT of pain. You cannot ever "make" someone be faithful to you. Either they are or they are not. Dogs need to be tossed aside because life is too short. Work on your self-esteem. Choking someone to death with your insecurity and jealousy is the quickest way to make your boyfriend/husband say, "Bye-bye." My grown children stay with my husband's ex-wife when they are in her city visiting. We have had her over for Thanksgiving dinner. Was it 100% comfortable? No, but we did it for the children. Everyone has a past when they are over 18. Accept it, don't make it bigger than it is, and enjoy your relationship. That is very good advice.
Your knowing the wife well would be
much more important than you hubby talking to his buddy now and then. She's the one stuck with cleaning, getting a guest room set up and worrying about meals. Some women enjoy that, but many are just too busy to drop everything.
I agree that he should always put his wife first
but my brother was pretty much the same way...family was always an after thought if he thought of them at all and I assure you he is not gay.
To confused wife...
It sounds to me like you've made up your mind that HIS problems are all YOUR fault...they are NOT. The only problems you are responsible for are YOURS. It probably will not matter what you change about you to him. If he's this angry and unstable, he'll ALWAYS find fault with you.
Please don't be naive and think that you can change him...you can't. Only he can do that and he has to want to change his behavior. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and name-calling is by far the most disrespectful thing one person can do to another...especially if the other person is your spouse, the mother of your child.
And your child is being hurt by these outbursts. She would be better off in a broken home than to have to listen to you and your husband screaming and belittling each other all the time. In the end, her self worth will suffer, she'll think she doesn't deserve any better and may actually seek out abusive men when she gets older.
You all need help, even the child. Go to counseling, even if you go alone, but take your daughter with you. It may come to you and your daughter leaving until he agrees to get help. Then if he truly loves you and your family, he will do whatever it takes to make things right. Don't wait around for the abuse to get worse, because inevitably it will escalate. Now is the time to think of you and your daughter first. Your husband is a grown man, he's responsible for him...good luck and God bless...
confused wife
It sounds to me like you are being verbally abused. I went through the exact same thing until I said enough is enough. You are worth more than to be reduced to a *itch. I feel for you, I was in the same situation for 12-1/2 years, everything was my fault. Research the phenomenon of verbal abuse and you will find yourself and your marriage reiterated over and over in the stories you hear. Believe me. You sound just like me and what I went through. You have nothing to lose by just looking into it. Maybe you will find your answer. Don't allow yourself to be treated like that one more day, you are a human being and have God-given rights. I will be praying for you.
I agree about the wife, but...
she knows what side her bread is buttered on! Play the stand by your man, humiliated wife in public means for a much heftier settlement when the divorce proceedings start...not that she doesn't deserve it but come on, if your hubs was going to hookers for almost 10 years you'd be dumb as a post to not suspect it or at least get a hint of it from someone... Then again, they may just have that type of relationship where it is okay with her as long as she has the prestige, power and money that he brings. His daddy is worth 500 million dollars.
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