As a parent of an adopted
Posted By: MTinSA4 on 2007-05-28
In Reply to: Adopted Kids...... - Should I tell the kids they are adopted?
child, I would definitely say the answer is 'no" and it is for this very reason that my husband and I have from the beginning talked to our son about the fact that he is special because he is adopted - we wanted to be the ones to tell him the truth rather than him hear it from someone else. This is definitely something that the parents should do and should do so when they feel comfortable talking about it with their children...My son is 6 and he knows he is adopted. He understands that he came from someone elses belly (he's my heart baby as we have told him. We answer his questions when he asks them and tell him just want he asked for - divulging nothing else to confuse him - take for instance at 4 is when he noticed my SIL's pregnant belly and knew the baby was there - he at that point put 2-n-2 together and realized something was up - which prompted us to talk about him being from someone else's belly. Then a few months ago he asked about this other person - why she didn't keep him, what was her name....(yes we were very surprised as our social worker said little boys are usually much older before they really inquire!)...but we answered his questions reinforcing the positives of being adopted because he had brought us so much happiness and that this other woman did love him enough to know she couldn't raise him and loved him enough to give him to us -making us a family! Sorry for rambling....adoption issues usually get me on a soap box sometimes!! Either way the answer to your question is definitely not your place to tell - leave it up to the parents.
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I was adopted
and didn't find out until 2 years ago!
Adopted Kids......
I know somebody who has 2 kids who are adopted. The kids are 9 and 11 years old. Should I tell the kids they are adopted? Everybody knows and someday somebody will slip up and the kids will resent the parents.
I recently adopted a cat
from a rescue facility. She is a total sweetheart and so petite! I named her Tinkerbell. She shed like crazy at first but I think it was nerves because now a couple weeks later she has stopped shedding and seems to have settled in nicely, plays with my other cat (male) and loves my dog!
The only thing I've noticed is she is a bit gassy - not a lot but at times worse than others. My question is, is there something I can give her otc to help with her "problem"? 
She looks just like my adopted dog, Brandy!
Brandy also is a notorious snorer. But she's such a good dog.
Here's the kitty I just adopted!
She's an 8 year old Exotic Shorthair Persian named Charlotte. Her little tongue sticks out all the time, 'cuz her face is so flat & her mouth is so small. She's tiny - and only weighs about 5-1/4 lbs. right now. Needs to gain a pound or two.) She's a total cuddle-bug!
(She just came out to say hi to me - she was annoyed with me earlier because I had to give her a pill. Not easy with that tiny little mouth!) Whenever I'm on the computer, she sits on the back of my chair and "helps".
Ditto this!! If you adopted me, then you
could be the greatest grandma that I wished my kids had now. Mom and did don't live too far from us (couple of hours) but don't make any extra efforts to spend time with the grandkids. Apparently, their idea of grandparents and mine are different. I remember spending nights at my grandparents and tooling around in their garden, building train sets, going for walks and adventures and even walking down to the corner donut shop with my g'pa for donuts and coffee(hot chocolate) every saturday morning. I practically beg for my parents to come down - I send them schedules of the kids activities, special school events, everything but there is always a reason they can't come (mainly they don't want to leave any of their critters alone for any length of time - but they are willing to animal sit for their neighbors all the time). At Christmas, the kids get one outfit and a book. If you ask me - to all the grandparents on this board - spoil them with your time, hug them, kiss them, and keep on creating memories.
Sorry, didn't mean to rattle on but this is always a touchy subject in my household because I had such fond memories growing up but my kids will have none of that.
I just adopted a declawed cat
who was abandoned. she looks like she has no toes, with floppy little hair tufts and going the wrong directions. Like other poster said, she does not cover her stuff in the litter box (maybe feels she cannot manage it) and her attitude is so defensive to the other cats, even after a month, and i wonder if it isn't because she feels so defenseless. I sure would not do it to a cat.
I have some friends who adopted 2 of them;
The more I see them, the more I like them. If I had room for a dog, I'd consider a retired racing greyhound!
We have adopted several pets from shelters
nm
Don't laugh, but we also adopted a rooster
A rogue rooster was hanging around the back of a convenience store my husband goes past every day and we knew he must have gotten off a truck or got lost somehow, because there is no place around here to keep a chicken. Anyhoo, he was determined to catch that rooster and he and my son went and rounded him up with a net... he is now sitting on our deck in the back yard crowing every morning around 6, as soon as he sees a touch of light. I know our neighbors think we are now the Beverly Hillbillies. I have named him Elvis and he is already spoiled. We have a friend who owns a miniature horse farm and she is going to come and pick him up. She has only one hen and now Elvis will have a lady in his life. Thank goodness!!!
Here is our Becky (recently adopted)
Becky loves to cuddle and loves to get her belly rubbed. She would rather be in your lap, but is content to lay at your feet if that's where you prefer her. Becky enjoys her toys and will even carry them around the house and toss them for herself. She knows commands like "sit" and "come", and she comes when called 100% of the time. If you lay on the floor with her while you watch TV and scratch her ears or stroke her fur, she will go right to sleep. Just be sure to have the remote handy so you can turn up the volume once the snoring starts. :)
This is my other kitty, adopted 10 months ago.
This is Xanadu - a 2-year-old calico Persian. When I first got her (both came from Persian & Himalayan Cat Rescue in Mill Valley), I figured she'd be happiest as an only cat. But after 10 months of careful observation and getting to know her really well, I decided she needed a companion. She had a pretty traumatic history with other cats at her original home, one of whom scratched her cornea, so her new friend had to be exactly the right cat. And as always, the people at rescue matched me up with the PERFECT kitty-companion in Charlotte, the one posted below.
Some adopted kids have a lot of issues
I had a friend who adopted 2 kids and she said you had to walk a fine line between making their birth mother a saint who selflessly gave them up, or a villain who didn't want them. Unfortunately a lot of these kids think of their mother in one of those two categories. So they find themselves longing for the childhood they didn't have (if they think she was a saint) or struggle with feelings of worthlessness (if they think she didn't want them.)
Personally, I think it is a noble and selfless thing to give up a child who you know you cannot raise and I admire you. I'm sure it was not an easy thing to do. Hopefully your child will find a way to resolve their own issues because they have put you in an untenable position.
At the rescue where I adopted my cats, they have - sm
volunteers to clean cages & feed kitties, and one day when I was there they had a girl (about 12 years old) who was actually getting some kind of school credit for coming every day to socialize and play with a large litter of kittens so that they'd be adoptable. It was so cute to see her in the kitten-room playing with the little feather-wand with them. They were jumping all over the place, climbing in her lap, etc. They LOVED her! They ALL got adopted, (and they were all BLACK kitties, too!) So that girl did a wonderful service to all the kittens.
My children have adopted a baby pig - sm
My ex-husband went to the feed store and a man was there talking about how his hog had only had one baby and that it would "not be worth the trouble to let her raise it". My ex-husband asked him what he was going to do with the little one, and he said if he couldn't get rid of it that he would just kill it. My ex-husband told the man he would take the little pig. Long story short, our kids are feeding the baby pig with a bottle. Her name is Pinkie. They are in love, LOL. I asked him what made him decide to take this little pig, and he said, "We watched Charlotte's Web the night before, and I just couldn't stand the thought of him killing that little pig." I am praying that Pinkie makes it.
Oh, the chows and the rott are right in there with not being able to be adopted
as they also fall into that same category, aggressive and just was at the animal shelter this morning (run by police department at this particular place) and lots of pits there and they are not adopted out. That is the bottom line so must hold some truth in it whether people believe or not. There was a case of a 60 something year old man recently killed by his son's pit, family dog, he had been around for a long time, knew well, just the breed.
Gracie has been adopted with a good person
Dobermans are misunderstood. They love their people, they are protective and noble. They love to follow you around the house and be with you. They need patience in training. They love to run. Please, if anyone knows of an abusive case, get invovled. Visit Doberman Rescue.
I hope you get him! I just adopted a 2nd rescue kitty - sm
on Thursday. She's a 7-year-old Exotic Shortnair Persian with the cutest little personality and face! Her tongue sticks out all the time (VERY flat face!), and she's tiny, only weighs about 5 or 6 pounds. She looks a little bit like "Yoda" from Star Wars. My other Persian is interested, but still feeling threatened and hissing a lot. But today, only 2 days later, they're at least coexisting peacefully. Hopefully in a few weeks they'll be FRIENDS.
I have adopted older cats for just that reason.
Kittens are cute as a button but they can destroy in no time flat. I had 1 kitten who grew into a wonderful loving cat, but vowed never to get a kitten again. I adopt cats who are a year old or better, declawed, fixed, and thoroughly enjoy the heck out of them and, yes, they enjoy being lazy sometimes just like their mom!
Why hasn't that hospital adopted the *Time Out*
The entire surgical team is involved in the *Time Out* and *Pause for the Cause* (called different things in different states). All involved in the surgery standing in the OR at that moment must be in agreement on confirming the correct patient, correct procedure, correct site of procedure, correct position of the patient, etc.
I went in for surgery and they asked me multiple times to repeat my name and the procedure I was coming in for as I went through multiple rooms on the gurney.
That is really scary that these types of errors are still going on.
Obviously, that is a hospital I wouldn't even take my dog to.
AW he is soooo cute. We just adopted Chip last week - sm
He is what the shelter called a beagle mix, but if he is mixed with anything I will eat my hat... Okay I do not have a hat, but I would be surprised...LOL.
Here is a pic of him..
[IMG]http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o182/mamahawn/chip3.jpg[/IMG].
I hope your transition is as easy as ours was. We have 2 other rescue doggies, both lab mixes and female and the three of them were fast friends. Of course we have no diningroom left with 3 creats in it, but who cares...
No! Not if you are not their parent! (sm)
I think that it is better for the parents to tell the children from the very beginning that they were "chosen" and tell them how much they were wanted and how much they are loved. Since they didn't do that, it certainly is no one else's place to do so! If someone slips and the kids go and ask the parents, that's one thing, but for someone else to sit them down and tell them behind the parents' back would be really, really traumatic for them and very wrong!! Please don't do it!!
i am not even a parent, but
i have been blown away by the violent video games, trashy clothes and rude behavior of children and the parents who allow this. kudos to you! what you are doing is wonderful. keep it up.
I am a parent and it seems to me...
that if there are no consequences for her actions, she will more likely do whatever she wants in the future, not think about it and do the right thing. In the real world, she will have to do what superiors tell her to do, or there will be consequences. I think that it is a parent's responsibility to prepare children for that. Of course, I assume that this is an active parent who already speaks to her child and knows what is going on. I believe in obtrusive parenting.
And it should be...why should one parent
bear the brunt of all expenses. It is not too much to ask for the other parent to chip in.
Did you ever think maybe NEITHER parent
Nobody is guaranteed that their parent HAS to pay for their college. It is an option, not a requirement by law. However, if the child got a job and is putting themselves through school, and NEITHER parent is contributing, in Indiana, even if the child is away at school but uses the custodial parent's address as the place they go when school is on break, non-custodial is still forced to pay child support to custodial.
IMO custodial parent should lose that title AND child support when child reaches legal adult age of 18. Then if child support MUST be continued by law merely because child is a student, it should be paid directly to the 18+ year old adult!!!!
Your doctor says this, but you are the parent
and you are going on the theory that she will not become sexually active nor show up with sexually transmitted diseases up to the age of 17. That is your responsibility, not the physicians to choose or not. There are a lot of girls sexually active way before 17 What makes you think your daughter is different?
I think depends a lot on the parent.
My mom does nothing but preach about how horrible girls are and how she wishes that she had only boys. (I am her only daughter, so imagine how that makes me feel.) Let's compare my teen years with my brother's. Me: Straight A student, preferred books to running with friends, worked from age 14, saved my money, bought my own clothes, received scholarships and paid my way through college. Brother: Drugs, parties, bad grades, skipped school, finally quit and joined army and cursed mom out as he left home. Beyond the teen years, I've been married 23 years to a wonderful man, have three great kids (boys). Brother has three ex-wives and who knows how many children. Oh! And the cherry on this sundae... when I was 16, my brother tried to kill me. Beat me nearly half to death, choked me and police came to take him away. Still, in mom's eyes, he can do no wrong and girls are all evil.
OK. Just a little vent. We all need one now and then.
Noncustodial Parent
Children pay dearly when adults act like this. They need their mom, dad, grandparents, and family members in their lives on a REGULAR basis. Withholding visitation for any reason will come back to haunt the custodial parent one day ... and their children will pay the price.
Need some advice whether you are a parent or not
Sorry that this is a bit long....One of the doctors I work for is also my step-uncle. He is my step-mother's (been married to my dad for 29 years) brother. He is an ENT doctor and goes to Africa a couple of times a year to do cleft lip and palate surgeries. Each trip is 2 weeks long and has been put together by my uncle and a couple of other christian doctors to also bring the message of christ to the patients and their families. Well, my uncle just called me to tell me they are working on the trip for July of next year and would like to add my son to the team. He will be 17 by then and getting ready to start his senior year in high school. I have often talked about my son on this board and always said he was very responsible for his age. My son, my DH and my uncle have discussed this in the past and my son really wants to do this. He is defintely planning on going into medicine and is a strong christian. I know this is a chance of a lifetime but I can't help but worry if letting him go is the right thing to do. Normally if anyone under 18 goes they have to have a parent with them but my uncle will be his legal guardian for the trip since they can only take a limited number of people.
Here is one of the reasons I am having such a hard time with the decision. My son was at VA Tech on a high school field trip the day of the shootings and this is where he plans on attending college. Since then I have kept a bit of a tighter grip on him. I know he would be devestated if we said no (actucally my DH is all for the trip). Has anyone had any experience similar to this or any opinions on my situation? Thanks.
Another Husky parent!
Wow! A lot of you guys have this breed of dog! They sure are gorgeous! Who is the brown "dude" in the lower left corner trying to sneak in on the shot? Too cute! :)
I have right to my opinion, same as you. Parent job
x
Do think being parent alone protects someone from
x
any parent who ever let their kid idolize her should be.....
nm
were you a single parent
x
Please tell me I am not the only parent to feel this way
I am a mother of 3 children a boy 18, a girl 11, and a boy 5. In my home, driving is not a right of passage, it is a privilege. You must obey house rules, keep your grades up, and you have to purchase your own vehicle. You must also have a job to pay for insurance and gas, as we are not a bank or an ATM machine at your disposal. If you cannot follow the above, umm sorry 'bout your luck!
Am I the only parent out there with children that sees no point in cell phones for kids, especially for the younger ones. I swear most of the kids my daughter's age DO have one and she is 11. Am I one of the few who monitors what their children watch on TV? Am I the only parent that makes their children earn time for video games and then has a set time limit for it when they do get to play? Am I the only mother in the world who thinks its horrible to let your daughter run around in clothing with words across the behind?? Seriously who do you think is looking at this and why do you want to draw attention to your child's rear end? Ooohhh ya and all the parents who sign their kids up for little league things and dump and run. These practices and events are not free babysitting!!! I honestly know of a few mothers that take their daughters to gymnastics and leave them there and go down to the bar and grill and have a few drinks while they wait for their kids!
Okay, so I know it sounds like I am whining, but I have had enough! I am tired of being told by other parents that I am a prude, I need to catch up to the times, and the one I hate most of all is "our kids need us to be their friends"! I have a responsibility to my children to RAISE them.
My children and I all have good relationships. We talk about everything under the sun. They come to me with most of their troubles or questions and know they have nothing to fear, I will hear anything and answer them openly and honestly.
That can be done without letting the "tail wag the dog" so to speak. Are ppl to busy or so self-absorbed anymore to take the time to raise their children?
Not a grandmother but parent myself
Well maybe you were a little defensive then and not resentful but reading your post it sounded like the things you do with/for your kids were more like chores instead of things you chose to do. I am not a grandparent but still a parent as both my sons still live at home as they go to college. I see too many people who just leave their kids to fend for themselves, 2-3 nights every week and every weekend during hockey season and other sports seasons...sorry if I offended you but that's the way you came off.
I see nothing wrong with asking your parent
This was my father and I was his next of kin. You try to make it sound dramatic as if he were dying. He was in excellent health with no medical issues at all. He had no other family members except for grandchildren, nieces and nephews. No wife, no siblings. I asked if I outlived him could I have the property. He lived out of state. When I asked him he did a quick deed, I paid for all insurance on the property as well as property taxes for about 4 years prior to his getting killed in an accidental death. I only wish I had asked my mother prior to her death (being as I was her only living child) if I could have had her personal belongings. I did not get those and should have. I learned when she died not to hold back if you want something. Now really, how would you feel if you were an only child and was bypassed with things that rightfully should be yours in the first place. Even in a court of law, a child comes first before others in who gets what when it comes to things like this. Don’t get on your soap box.
No one except a parent can understand, eh??!! sm
Ridiculous, with just a hint of "gotta-belong-to-my-club" elitism tossed in. Any sentient and compassionate human being can understand the issues, perhaps even better than someone whose judgment is emotionally clouded, and including the travesty that false hope and half-truths cause every day in the medical industry. (Hint: Go stand at the Mexican border where you can collect the sad stories.)
Please re-read my post. I did not suggest that ESC research should not go forward. I was merely giving the rest of the facts about the dismal history and science of ESC research so far that Obama so conveniently omitted, and saying that we need to do this with protections for embryos in place.
I was just giving you the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey used to say. I'm sorry if it's an "inconvenient truth", and despite my reservations, I do wish the very best for your child just as I do for the unborn embryos now at increased risk.
You don’t seem to be a strong parent
With teenage drinking, driving and the like, why even take the chance of having a diaster in the making waiting around the corner. I just do not see my ever wimping out to my child's father or anyone else for that matter. I guess you don’t want to look like the bad guy but here I think you really do.
single-parent dating (sm)
I'm not sure that the length of time you have been dating is really relevant as other posters mentioned. If you feel you need to have the relationship defined, it should be and when it is, you need to decide what to do next.
It is SO hard to date when you have a child, especially a daughter that you want to raise with good morals and self esteem. In order to build a good relationship and be sure the guy likes your kid, you have to invest time and expose the child(ren) to him. If he's not *the one* then you have to repeat the process, thereby exposing you kids to men, attachments, and as far as I'm concerned, confusion on the part of the kids.
I came to this conclusion shortly after my ex and I split when my daughter was 5. I dated one guy, we broke up, and didn't date again until she was out of high school.
I also identified with a line in Jerry MacGuire; words to the effect that spending time with my kid was more fun and fulfilling than any frog or potential prince.
It's my opinion and only my opinion that we had our lives, made our decisions, had our fun, made our mistakes, brought kids into the world and they should be our focus. It's hard to focus and give full attention to a child when there is guy anxiety.
I know many have done it and have been extremely successful with merging families and doing the step-dad/mom thing. I just didn't think it was fair to gamble with my child's future... things don't always happen in real life like they do in movies...
All of this was probably of no help, but I sincerely think you do need to stop and think what is going to give you peace of mind, not necessarily happiness or instant gratification, and know that whatever does give you peace of mind will benefit your child.
Good luck, sweetie! :-)
Glad you recognize it's the PARENT here
and not this CHILD who is probably miserable being the way he is!
You MAY have tried everything possible not to ostracize him (without jeopardizing your kids' safety) but consider if there is a way to HELP him - he is probably desparate for the RIGHT kind of attention.
Think about it. and consider what type of ADULT he might turn out to be if no NORMAL adults try to help him.
Just the weight issue alone is a sign this family is in trouble.
GOOD luck.
Isn't that sad? And touch & parent's voices are
s
In his case 1 parent dishonored himself
The guy's mother was fine with his name change. The father had 11 children and get this, had a whole separate family on outside. His little scheme came to an end when the mother found out and divorce ended that. So a name change "dishonors" a "dishonest" father. Your post does not fly in this situation. Sometimes parents cannot be honored- I know my own father molested my granddaughter- should I still honor him because of his being my father?? Think not.
Step up and be the parent! If he decides he wants
x
Parent apathy is what allows school to think noone
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You sound like an excellent parent
I do not have any children, but having grown up with parents who sound just like you I am grateful for what they did for me. I didn't have what every other kid had and I had to earn what I did get. We were involved in girl scouts and my mom was the leader of our troop. She was involved in everything we did and she did not believe in using activities as a babysitter. For babysitting she hired a girl down the road. So I am grateful to have the parents I had (mom's gone but dad is still alive). They instilled values in me and if I ever had kids I would raise them the same exact way my parents raised me. So good for you and I know when your kids are grown with kids of their own they'll remember what you did for them and will be thankful to you. I wish more parents were like you (my sister could take some lessons for sure - but that's a whole nother post).
The way I see it (and lived it) the biological parent
needs to step up to the plate and handle things. I'm sure of the woman who started this post had a husband that backed her up, she wouldn't be nearly as upset. I'VE LIVED/AM LIVING THROUGH THIS and my stepchild live with us 100% of the time (husband had custody). Sweet and first but things turned sour quickly. And guess what? My husband did very little in terms of taking care of his son, forcing him to be accountable for his behavior, etc. In turn, I ended up being the heavy and HATED for it (still am, and he's an adult now).
I was very young when I married my husband and didn't know what I was in for, just as the OP. You think, how can this sweet child be anything but good? You honestly have no idea what you're getting yourself into. Especially when other people will tell you that they CAN make step-families work. I think they work when/if the biological parent is firm with the child and sets the boundaries for that child, and the stepparent doesn't have to.
It's so difficult. I really feel for the orig poster.
Any parent who choses to has the option of
But out here, I doubt there are many parents who are that fearful. There are bigger things to worry about (fires, economy, earthquakes, 401K, jobs) than whether or not our kids are 'emotionally scarred for life' by witnessing a same-sex marriage! :D
If a child is a minor, it is the parent's
responsibility to get them to school and make sure they stay there. One mother here in my town had to go and sit with her daughter at school everyday for a while just to be sure she was there.
With you it's ok, you are a parent, a friend, whatever, but a teacher?...nm
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