Are you the Anon who was worried abt possibly violence or hubby taking your kids? m
Posted By: Serena on 2009-02-12
In Reply to: to Now Laura and others: Separated sm - anonMT
Best of luck to you for taking the steps to change your life. I wish you well.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Do you have kids anon?
I agree spanking should be kept to a minimum, but sometimes with younger kids it is necessary imo. When my oldest was 3 or 4 I had my cart full of groceries and my hands full and told him to stay right by my side and hold onto the cart when we cross the parking lot. He ran right out into traffic! I spanked him right there in the parking lot because I wanted him to remember to NEVER do that again. I also talked with him about once we were in the car, but some situations call for spanking imo.
Some parents never spank their kids, and good for them, but if a parent wants to smack a kid on the butt sometimes that is their business. I don't like spanking too much though because it does send a message of violence and fear, but sometimes fear is the only thing that gets through their thick skulls! I think you should give a warning first normally and not hit out of your own need to vent, but to get a message across to the child. Plus, some kids are such spoiled brats that their parents should spank. Overindulgence is also a form of abuse and will only harm the child in the longrun. So I do have mixed feelings on it, but I don't think it's fair to say that parents should never spank their kids.
I bought that for my hubby on the Wii. He and the kids love it!
I bet you will like it too!
While traveling or eating out my hubby, kids, and I love
to decide what we would do if we won the lottery. From the sesnsible to the outrageous. We have been doing this for several years and it is wild how thier tastes have changed with age. It is really a lot of fun.
To all you married moms with kids and hubby at home,
do you ever dream about living by yourself? Not just with no kids, but with no hubby either? I love my family, but when I feel overwhelmed, when life gets too stressful, I can't help but think how peaceful that kind of life would be, with just myself to take care of. Of course I know in my heart that if I was by myself I would be bored and lonely, but right now it sounds really good! It has been one of those days...
Absolutely, but I shake myself out of it quickly to make it a happy time for my kids and hubby. nm
x
My favorite time of night is when kids and hubby are asleep and the house is quiet...
Usmoms need some quiet time too...don't feel bad for feeling that way...I am sure we have all imagined what it would be like not having kids or a husband...but then that thought goes away and someone yells "Mommy" or "Honey"...LOL...
Rainy, cool, dark. Home working with plenty of work. Hubby and kids are sm
picking up toys, taking them to Goodwill. LOVE days like this.
Has there really been much more violence since Saddam
was executed? I haven't been watching the news with New Years and all.
Domestic Violence/Alcoholism Question
First, let me state this pity is neither desired or deserved. This is a situation that I allowed to perpetuate so I deserve no sympathy. Also, I apologize for it being so long; I never learned the long-story-short lesson.
I was involved/lived with with an alcoholic who turned verbally abusive after a 12-pack, physically abusive after 18. For reasons that even I don't know (although I'm sure Freud could figure it out), I stayed with him for over a year. However, about 3 months ago, we had gone on vacation, his drinking and violence escalated and, after he kicked in a door at the condo we were staying in, I called 9-1-1, fearing that few slaps I had taken so far were going to progress to where he choked me again. In the past when the violence got really bad (about once every 4-6 weeks), I could just get in my car and drive the hour back to my house. This time, the whole thing was at 2:00 in the morning and my home was a 10-hour drive away; he was footing the bill, so I didn't even have the money for gas.
The original trial was supposed to be the end of April. He remained sober from the time of 'the incident', and we stayed together, until he jumped off the wagon 2 days before the trial, at which point I returned home. I was not going to testify, at which point the charges I guess would have been dropped (per the prosecutor; my ex had declined a plea deal that would have meant no jail time). I reasoned that maybe he had finally hit bottom and realized alcohol was ruining his life, but obviously not. The prosecutor ended up calling me the day before the trial to ask if I planned to be in attendance. I literally did not have gas money to get down there (abusive alcoholics take a toll on one's paycheck/bank account), and told him that, and the trial has subsequently been postponed and is coming up in about 2 weeks.
My question is...is it worth actually showing up and testifying? The ex is obviously a drunk, destroying the life of the adolescent son who adores him (how normal is it for the son to have to carry daddy up the steps to bed?). I can rationalize that it's good for the son to get away from daddy and his drunken pot-smoking buddies for a while or that maybe the ex will get rehabilitated. But in truth, the biggest thing for me would be vengeance for being used and abused. Would you go ahead and testify or just cut your losses and move on? As a side note, I'm not the first woman he's hit (although the others were drunk stoners and cop-haters); also, it's not that I would be destroying a man's perfect record- he has a felony DUI conviction after 3 misdemeanor ones and numerous in other states that never caught up with him(I found that out after going out with him 2 months...Bill Engvall echoes in my head- here's your sign).
Thoughts? Do I go for the vengeance or vacate?
GOOD FOR YOU! But, think of yourself first. call the domestic violence hotline FIRST.
They will refer you to any other agency that is needed. Perhaps you do not need to deal with his AA right now. I only say this because you can only concentrate on 1 thing at a time, and you need to get your self-esteem and self-care up. Then, you will learn he has to seek out AA, you cannot make him go if he does not want to. Perhaps the domestic violence counselor will direct you to Survivors of Alcoholics, etc. But please put yourself first right now. And put your safety first right now. But don't listen to me. Listen to them on that hotline and do not be afraid to take whatever steps they counsel you to do, they are experienced and know how to help you best. Keep up the good work.
National Domestic Violence Website and phone #...
If you haven't already visited this website, it's very useful: www.ndvh.org, National Domestic Violence website. The hotline # is 1-800-799-7233, available to all 50 states. You can call them just to talk and, if wanted, they can help you formulate a plan to get yourself and your children out of this situation. Ask yourself this question: Do you want to live like this, in fear, walking on egg shells, for the rest of your life? I feel for you and I'll keep you in my prayers. One other thing, I don't want to be alarmist, but when you visit any websites, like the above, you might want to make sure you erase the history on your computer each time so no one else can see where you've been.
mmmm--could be....maybe....possibly..nm
nm
...though it won't be soon as he still lives here, but possibly not
s
Now I see the pig and possibly you laying out there!
it's 5:19 pm Sunday 8/19........now you're playing with pig...*lol*
Great webcam!!!
I would say possibly a little older
I don't have a son, but I would say I would wait until he was maybe a little bit older. I don't see anything wrong with boys wearing earrings. Like I told my husband who said he'd kick my daughter out of the house if she ever got a tattoo (she's 14 now and would be too young now and doesn't want one anyway), and I told him as long as she wasn't doing drugs or being promiscious, a tattoo would be the least of our worries. By the way, to the other posters, to each his own, but I don't see why you feel the need to criticize. My old boyfriend had an earring and my almost 60 year old neighbor has one too and he is very successful. If in time he doesn't want one he can let the hole close up. What's the big deal?
sounds like it could possibly be (sm)
a memory management error which is usually hardware related.
worried
Is there anyone in her family that it can be reported to so they can get her some help. Help is definitely required!! May be you can talk to her and see if she would be willing to go to counseling. What about even asking her doctor for samples because she cannot afford. most docs will do that.
I got a little worried
when she did that last kick at the end, it looked she hurt herself. We rewound it a couple of times and it definitely looked like pain on her face.
I would have like to see her perform alone. Not a big fan of Beyonce
I was worried as well...
For the same reasons, I thought the chinese girl was going to take it all the way with the way they were scoring our girls but in the end the judges came through thankfully!!
Has me worried too.
nn
more than a little worried
I have been watching my 403B get smaller and smaller. At this rate I will be working until I am 75! I know all the reasons to keep the money invested, buy low, sell high, etc., etc., but every time I get my statements I just want to cry.
Would you be worried
Would you be worried if at 13 your daughter had a lot of friends who are boys? My daughter also has a couple female friends but not around this area. I am working so I can't take her someplace... all she wants to do today is hang out with boys. She is downstairs in the kitchen now making lunch for the 2 neighbor boys because I told her she couldn't go out for pizza with them. These kids are driving me crazy today! What would you do?
To ANON
Thank you.......
To another anon
OK....have a good night....
For anon...
Just for the record, I wasn't calling you names. You don't like my opinion, that's fine. I've read your previous posts though, and I don't think some of these other posters have. I was NOT calling you a weird lady, I was stating that to a 6-year-old boy you are some weird lady who is taking his daddy. You and the father were not together long enough for that child to feel any connection to you prior to the marriage, and you have shown nothing but hatred and jealousy toward the child on your weekly posts here. I would (and this is just a guess) imagine you're not all that bonding and loving with the child, so yes...he's not going to think well of you. And I still stand by my belief that a 6-year-old saying I got a slushie and you didn't isn't spiteful or in any way a malacious act. It's a 6-year-old being a 6-year-old.
Either 1 or 2 - whichever I could possibly wear somewhere else. nm
.
Then where is the killer? Everyone, except possibly you and 13 other people sm
know he did it and so no one is looking for this horrific, terrible person out there - why haven't there been others in that area after they were killed?
Thanks for the idea, and possibly inspiring another one...sm
Hmm, that just might work. One tree trunk is pretty wide, but good idea for the smaller ones and for my neighbor's. Your idea got my brain working (ow, ow) and maybe for the big tree, I will try tying a *necklace* of large garden containers--the black plastic ones. Thanks. 
If soft porn could possibly be more
NM
The first 2 sentences belonged to someone else, possibly
hating the fact they had raised the us you speak of. Again, don’t hate what you and others really missed out on, a good time and wonderful time for growing up. Times have changed and for the worse. We had no cursing, shootings, killings, bullying in the schools, we respected the teachers, kids wore what parent could afford and no one said anything to them about their lack of name clothing, we could play outside until dark, no problem, kids not kidnappened and murdered like now, what a glorious time. I raised some really good adults, not snarky ones either.
They should be more worried about the effects
especially in a larger state such as California. Smoking is an addiction, but I personally feel that there more of a problem with obesity. People are trying to quit smoking, but are they really trying to quit eating? JMO. What someone does on their own property, whether it be an apartment, townhome, etc., is their own business as long as there are no laws broken.
I think even Simon is getting worried
He said if Sanjaya wins he will quit. He must be getting a lot of votes. Even Howard Stern is pushing people to vote for the kid.
He treats you like that and you are worried about where he
w
You are so welcome!! I was also worried about the smell,
especially since I noticed it was also for horse manes, but it sure did help our hair. So glad it helped your little one!! :)
I'm in CA and was up all night worried ...
that I might have to evacuate because of the fires here. My kids are scared. My cell service is down so can't call my PS So, I emailed her early this morning to let her know I might have to be evacuated and if so won't be able to work. No answer. Emailed her supervisor. No answer. Luckily, (so far) we haven't had to evacuate, but I am sooooooo tired from staying up all night with worry and from getting prepared in case we do have to leave. On top of that, I feel I have to work since I didn't get a reply. So I'm trying.
So, whatever. Who cares if I get a reply. But then I started thinking, wow, they REALLY just don't care. It's not like I'm suprised, of course, but still, when something like this happens it really just make you feel bad .  I'm just trying to console myself thinking that maybe they are just too busy or both of them didn't get my 2 separate emails.
In comparison, my sister, who works for local huge defense company.....Let's see, her supervisor called HER 3 times already to see how her family was and gave her (and other employees affected) the entire week off WITH pay. I don't expect that much, but even a call to say it's okay to take a PTO day would have been nice.
I would be worried about illness.
Especially with such a drastic change from the kid he was. As an example, schizophrenia's usual age of onset for men is age 16-20 and is accompanied by many of the same behavior you mention.
Certainly, if he had some other serious illness he may be trying to consciously or unconsciously push you away or alienate you rather than tell you what is going on.
I dunno, it just seems that there should be a compelling reason (illness/substance abuse) for a personality change this huge out of the blue.
Good luck with this, my prayers are with you.
Worried about autism.
Hey everyone, I was just hoping someone with experience in autism can either confirm or shoot down some fears for me. My mother says that she is 90% sure my son has autism, and although we have had concerns before she mentioned anything, the doc said a couple of months ago to wait until he is 2. He is 22 months now and his next appointment is next month. This has really been worrying my spouse and I recently and I was just hoping for some input.
My son shows some definite red flags, but at the same time seems perfectly normal. For instance:
RED FLAGS: (1) His speech is pretty delayed. He will say "uh oh" and "daddy" and a few other words, but nothing else really and it is near impossible to get him to say any of the words he knows with prompting. He babbles jibberish constantly, however. (2) Sometimes it seems like he is ignoring us, but this is usually when he is occupied with something else. Sometimes he will look at us to his name, sometimes not. It does appear that he is deaf at times. (3) He never points at anything that he wants or is interested in. He will either get it himself or drag us by the finger to whatever he wants. (4) He lines objects up. They are never in any particular order or color and he doesn't get upset when we mix them up or take away one of the objects, however, they are usually the same type of object, ie. cars, dvd cases, blocks. (5) He won't give kisses or hugs when asked, however, does without being asked every once in awhile, hugs much more than kisses. (6) Compared to other children, he seems very behind in listening and really interacting with others.
NORMAL BEHAVIOR: (1) He loves other people and children and will often act silly if someone comes over to our house, showing off. He will bring out toys that he hasn't played with for awhile. (2) He isn't afraid to look us or others in the eyes and always has a ready smile. (3) He loves to cuddle and has no problem with it unless he wants to play. (4) If one of us pretends to cry or if he accidently smacks a friend who is his age and they cry, he will look concerned and give them or us a hug (and a kiss if we are lucky.) (5) He plays with his toys for the most part how they should be played with and gives his favorite stuffed bear rides in his trucks. (6) He has no problems with schedule changes and loves to go places different. (7) He has no repetitive movements with his hands or body, at least none we have noticed.
After actually listing these things, I feel a little more at ease, however the red flags are pretty strong and are very apparent on a day to day basis, especially his speech. I'm thinking he is somewhere on that spectrum at least. Thanks for listening as this has been the cause of some tears lately.
If you are worried, call a different vet.
I think diabetes is hard to deal with when the dog won't eat properly. There are so many variables that I think you should call a different vet. Good luck!
Are you worried about our economy?
so many jobs moved offshore, banks failing, mortgages being defaulted on. It's got me a little worried.
No, now she can have up to 16 minis at one time. She can't possibly leave
them for extended periods of time. This is her business. I understand that part. And I'm sorry to have to hear from a stranger that my mom has been avoiding me for 16 years because she "really" doesn't want to. Thanks.. sign
If no recollection of trauma, possibly could be gout, although
that usually occurs in the great toe. However, anything is possible.
You looking to visit, vacation, or possibly move there? nm
s
I didn't think anything could possibly make me laugh
yesteday, but I had the day off and went to a movie with my friend and her granddaughter, who is my neighbor. It was (think I have this right) When Chuck married Larry . . . that's close. Anyway, I would advise anyone who needs some laughs to see it! I found myself laughing out loud, and in light of everything right now that felt good! Treat yourself. It's a hoot. I knew when I saw the cast it had to be good!
Updating- the ones posting about possibly end of life
for her could be right. I just had her to the Vet's this week, just to weigh because she has lost weight (thyroid problem for 1 thing). I also have heard of animals wanting to leave as they get close to end of life so I am not shocked, in fact was wondering if this was what perhaps might be going on with her. She is around 20 and was born at my home so naturally I would hate even though I have known for some time about the age limits for cats. I do not think she is in pain, just roaming all around instead of her using napping 24/7 and then the vocals, not her at all. I will continue to love and pet as much as I can between my work hrs and if she should get to where I think in pain, definitely go back to vet's with her. I really appreciate the information above. Thanks to everyone.
My money's on fertility drugs. (Possibly an
WOW
I agree with anon
Just gradually let the friendship drop. When she wants to see you, tell her you're not available. If she calls to cry on your shoulder, listen for a couple of minutes and then tell her you need to get off the phone. She isn't going to change, so you have to.
BTW, someone below mentioned a friend using the fact that she is bipolar to excuse this kind of behavior. I am bipolar, and while there may be some things I don't handle as well as I would like, I have a steady job, I have been married to the same man for many years, I have a son in college, and my bills are always paid on time. But then, I always take my meds. I may not like the side effects, but I want as "normal" a life as I can have.
Anon - please get help today -
I really don't want to be an alarmist, however, we all read the news and every day there's a report of wife who disappears (or is killed by her husband.) If (and this is a big IF) he is getting worse and IF you feel threatened by his behavior - get help! Look in the white pages for social services and find a woman's help group. Only you can tell if he's getting angry and if you're frightened. If I were frightened in any way by my husband or his behavior I'd be out of there! We cannot give you any other advice than to seek advice in your community before it's too late. Again, to reiterate and make my point, it really sounds like he's into porn. There's many types of porn from the mild Playboy type to the really ugly violent porn! I hear that it becomes addicting to some people and, if that is the case here, I would seek help immediately!
So, Anon, be your own Best Friend...
and do what you know you need to do. We've all given you good advice here. There is free legal aid and counseling available all over the country, big towns and small. Act in your own best interests. Pretend that your best friend is being abused in this manner and look up the info for "her". For some reason you are reticent to do this. Are you afraid you cannot make it on your own? Are you afraid that he'll come after you? Do you think that the marriage can be saved? Do what Ann Landers always says "think about whether your life would be better or worse without him in it". If you think that it would be better without him in it then you need to make a decision to get the help you need. Don't tell him what you're thinking about doing. Don't let him find out you're making copies of necessary paperwork. This is about YOU and YOUR needs (necessities really). BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND! (Sorry about yelling - just trying to get through to you!)
reply to Anon sm
I can see where you are coming from but there is a simple answer - change the channel. There is plenty out there for everyone. I get sick of the ugliness myself but it pays the bills for the stations and it amuses small minds. You have to have a bigger set of values and flip the channel, change the station, put on some nice music, read something positive, take a walk, etc. There is an old song with the lyrics, "You gotta accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative and don't mess with Mister In-between." It's all out there, you don't have to pay attention to it or you will be just like "them."
I agree with anon
He seems to just be content and getting too comfy, maybe mix it up a bit. Make sure you have eye contact with him when you are speaking to him. My hubby's personality is also kind of bully-ish and tends to come across that way, especially when he is grumpy after working all day, just like I am. I tend to take care of the house, 4 kids, the animals, etc. and work full time, so I am grumpy as well. I make sure that we get a hug in and an "I love you" daily and that seems to help. The more I have taken to doing this, the more relaxed things are in the house. Try to get an hour alone every week for just the two of you. My hubby and I make sure we get 15 minutes to talk about our day every day. Try not to take offense of what he is doing, just try something different. It sounds like your in a rut.
I did it - anon from yesterday (sm)
It's all reported and official. Now I don't feel so alone. I don't want to get into a big discussion on here in case he is checking to see if I posted anything...but it's all documented by the right people and they have my back. Starting my kids in counselling there as well. I feel my backbone growing back :-) If you have replies please reply to the orginal post below...don't want it to be right up top again, just in case. Thanks for all the words of wisdom and encouragement yesterday.
|
