Are you harsh posters cops or parents?
Posted By: sunny on 2009-01-23
In Reply to: What would you do ... - Moms?
A little late to post, but here's my idea as a mom of 5. Get her out of the house, some place public, Starbucks or the bookstore - a place where she won't storm off and you'll both be civil to each other at least for a few minutes. Tell her you love her, be understanding and really talk to her. Ask her what is going on in her life, is she stressed about something in particular? Don't alienate her. There is a lot of life ahead for you both and this is not a permanent condition for her. If ALL you do is punish you risk sending her off in a bad direction. At the end of the conversation it may seem you got nowhere, but she'll think about things and hopefully be a bit less impulsive. Please post back and let us know how things go.
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you are so right, not just cops.
I noticed an ag teacher here has a truck provided for her and probably gas, too. She rips up and down the highway several times a day while I am sitting here making a list so I only go one time a week and try to hit my errands in a time and gas saving mode. aggravating. Of course, I haven't seen anybody taking the keys away from the teens yet, either, and we all know how they can run the roads. My youngest had my truck for awhile and the oldest said, "Mom, don't know what to tell you about your truck, it's just a blue blur up and down the highway"!
Always, always call the cops sm
My husband was nearly killed by a tractor trailer driver who changed his story a dozen times, the medics were called but unfortunately, the other driver went his merry way and was not cited until days later for following too close, reckless endangerment, speeding, mistake in log book, and a laundry list, first he said my husband going too slow. Reconstruction said no way, but while my husband was in hospital having his scalp sewn back on, this guy ran away. Had to hire a detective to find him, went on for years before we got our bills paid, he got off with heavy fines and warnings he would go to jail if it happened again. It had happened in another state previously but could not bring that up in court. My sorrow - I should have had him arrested right that moment but I was not there. He should have been tested for drugs, etc. He went from saying husband's fault to that he dropped his coffee and was picking it up off the floor and then changed it again to something else. He still drives and my husband is totally disabled. Please get the cops involved the minute something happens - don't wait. I had no choice, I had to travel to another state to the hospital. I wish my husband were conscious enough to have him arrested right there. You did the right thing calling the cops, everyone should do that. Believe me, she could have killed you or someone else later. I hope you scared the pants off her.
that's why I mentioned what cops said
about 99 out of 100 people answering the door in the middle of the night. I was absolutely horrified myself that I had opened the door and the cops said it happens all the time. Hopefully people reading all these posts will wise up.
Most of the time I'm with the cops when it comes to -
tazing those big, belligerent crack or meth heads that are going berserk or have already tried to assault the cop. But STILL: I took exception to this one. The lady is like half the guy's size, and attitude or not, he could've managed her easily just by hanging onto her shirt collar. Also, throwing a 72-year-old down could've resulted in a hip fracture (and lawsuit), or even cardiac arrest and/or death. How would he know she didn't have a pacemaker?
I think the dude was a little too eager to play with his taser-toy.
Call the cops - it can't make it any worse!
x
She says if she calls the cops every time he shows up ...sm
he will just be gone by the time they get there. She did pick up the phone several months ago when he put the gun to his head. She said I am calling 911 to come take you to get help. He immediately stopped and sat down and said no please don't call the cops. I am not going to kill myself. I won't do that anymore. Now if he was serious, he would have not cared. He would have said hey I will be dead before they get here. He knew he wasn't going to do it and he didn't want to get hauled off for psychiatric evaluation. THen he started threatening this again on the phone one time and she said ok I am going to have you committed then cause you need help. He said oh no I am not going to kill myself. And for a long time he did not bring it up again. It is for attention.
Visit the station rather than call the cops...
Don't call the police. Rather, go to the police station and ask to speak to a detective. (You can call and make an appointment if you don't feel like spending an hour or so in the waiting room.)
You absolutely must get the law involved. You heard this kid threaten to kill his mother. Obviously, his mother is intimidated by him as well.
You can "file" reports without them showing up on the public blotter. By filing reports and keeping the detective involved, you just may be saving your neighbor's life. The cops will surveil the neighborhood on a regular basis and even keep an eye on him. (He's probably getting into no good elsewhere too.)
Also, you and your family could possibly be in mortal danger from this whacko kid as well.
From what he's said and done so far, you can expect this to escalate far beyond your wildest dreams/nightmares. He's not going to give up until you and your family are gone...one way or the other.
Think about it for a bit, but be sure to act quickly.
When I was younger, there was a similar episode with a neighborhood bully where the parents had no control. A bunch of the bully's neighbors ended up taking his parents to court on what I think was a 'show cause' complaint. The nonsense stopped after the court appearances.
However, times are more violent now, and within the past decade or so, these bully types have been blowing away people in alarming numbers. So, don't put your family at risk.
Good luck.
Definitely stress. Cops said once that Xmas eve with alcohol & money
s
Call the cops every single time. Don't give into bullying.
You can bet he'll get tired of being visited by the cops every few days... And cops are required to follow up on complaints, so they'll go out there, and cops are adults with neighbors too, so they know what it's like. What is wrong with some of these parents now days?!
So very harsh -
And if the shoe were on the other foot? What if your daughter or granddaughter were raped and you forced them to carry a baby what would remind them every single day of the trauma they suffered.
You may think it murder but it could cost you far far more than you could ever imagine if you forced that decision on your daughter or granddaughter in that situation. Harden your heart a little more because they would never forgive you. Truly, NEVER forgive you.
So harsh.
I think he loves that little girl.
How truly harsh you are
My grandson also comes into bed with his mother, as he has had nightmares and he is a very well-adjusted, very bright young boy, who is cared for and loved a great. He has a great deal of sympathy and compassion for other people and their feelings; in fact, he knows not to say anything cruel or hurtful to anyone, and act with kindness toward others. Perhaps you need to remember that. His very much a boy, and has a great relationship with his parents, and I seriously doubt that he, or the other children mentioned here will have any perversions or be maladjusted in this life. It is people like you that go around calling others sicko that I fear.
harsh
If you are not ready to settle down, then I don't really think that is his fault. 28 is pretty old to be going out all the time. Sorry if that is harsh :)
Wow! That's a little harsh, don't you think?
I disagree with you that
'nothing makes it the woman's fault?'
I don't think so!
Call me old-fashioned, but I, and I think also other people, have in general the tendency to
'condone' if men sidesteps rather than women stepping aside.
I, myself, I would never have something 'on the side', it's against my nature and morals.
A bit harsh. For me, I am Christian, and though I don't
think you should live the way you think is right. In the end, truth will prevail. As a Christian, I will pray for you just as I do others.
I may have been a little harsh in some of my posts
and if so I apologize. I truly do feel bad for you, I have sisters and I know I would be devastated. I hope someday soon you can both put this in the past and make up. I'm sure Thanksgiving may be a bit sad this year for you but I hope you can find some happiness and enjoy the day as best as possible.
Wow! A little harsh, but true :) nm
x
Not to sound harsh here BUT -
Freedom is not free. The military is there to provide a function in our society. It can provide wonderful opportunities for young people, provide them with a good education and training, BUT there is a chance they can be called to go overseas to fulfill a contract they willingly signed. I would let my children go in a second if they chose that route. I am at least 5th generation military myself. Quite honestly, kids these days have a better chance of being killed in a car accident than in combat. Look at the true statistics. You might feel better if you spoke with the recruiter with her. Just my two cents...Best of luck to her! :-)
Harsh punishment but . . .
like you, I don't agree with this sort of behavior at all. But what recourse does the school have? These days, kids communicate widely via the internet. When one child writes something evil or threatening about another child in a blog or sends bullying emails, parents go straight to the school and ask that something be done about it. In the same vein, shouldn't the school do something about their own teachers being bullied? Most schools now address this sort of thing in their parent/student handbooks.
We can leave this up to the parents, but sadly, lots of parents aren't doing their jobs, either monitoring their children's activities online or teaching them appropriate social behavior. In and of itself, this one comment about a teacher isn't so threatening, but the bigger picture can be pretty upsetting.
I have a friend whose teenage children drive me insane. I can barely keep my mouth shut around them. I would love to sit them down and tell them how obnoxious they are. They are profane and will curse in front of adults and then tell us that we're just uptight and "what's the big deal". Many times as I speak to my friend on the phone, her children will start a conversation with mom while she is on the phone to me. That's rude in itself, but the foul-mouthed comments about their teachers, etc., are horrible. Mom does nothing about it, in fact, she joins in with the remarks. In recent months, I hardly talk to my friend on the phone anymore, because these sorts of things were happening nearly every time I speak to her on the phone. That may not be relative to this situation, but it's an example of the kind of "support" that schools get from parents.
I think the school has to have some say over what the kids are doing online with respect to school, but 10 days total suspension is an awful lot.
Think I was too harsh in my comments to you sm
I apologize, I am very raw right now from undeserved treatment by DIL so when I saw your posting title, it bothered me. I love my grandkids so much that I would welcome a list of "rules" if one were presented to me. It's too bad she uses the Bible, I have had this done to me more than once by those who misunderstand the good book and use it as a weapon. I certainly would have a heart-to-heart with her, don't lose your temper, and let it be known that interpretation of the Bible is a very private affair and she should never mention demons, bring a Bible to your home, etc., etc. Give her the option of playing by your rules and an option of her only playing children's games, watching a movie, etc., and keeping her opinions to herself. Give her supervised visiting priviliges and then you're off the hook if she doesn't accept. If she persists, then she truly is in need of psychological help which is not up to you to provide. Give her the choice and if she chooses to keep it up, then you'll have no recourse, little kids don't need this. At least you tried, it's her choice to not adhere to your rules, unfortunately, she's missing out on a lot, I wish she could see how lucky she is to be "talked to" and given options. Good luck with it. Hate the sin and not the sinner. I once had to lay down the law with my sister and the Bible. I have made it clear that I won't tolerate Bible talk, she can come any time but the conversation has to be light, not inappropriate, not religious and no politics. It has worked pretty well, once in awhile she has a slip and has to be reminded but we are talking - no religion, no end-of-the world,no Jesus talk, it takes reinforcing every once in awhile. Good luck with it all, it's stressful.
i didnt mean to come off harsh
i just dont understand and that is simply because i have never been a smoker
I dont think anyone should ever start because it is addictive and I am aware of that, but there are also other ways to quit. i just was saying it doesn't sound like you really care.... which is completely your choice.
It is not harsh, this is justice for all.
The doctor who performed the IVF is as guilty as this woman, maybe even guiltier (more guilty).
They should go - hand in hand - either to jail or to the looney bin.
Children should get adopted or government takes care of them.
Way harsh? Oh come on. We are all adults here.
This is not a out of the blue tragedy. She sat for two months with lousy paychecks coming in. Why? That is her OWN fault. It would have taken one for me to get movin.
What is wrong with saying get up, get moving and get a job? What is the alternative?
There is no good in crying over something you CAN fix. Maybe the OP NEEDS to find strength now and not be babied.
For the love of Pete!
harsh landlord?
If my tenant fails to pay his rent, I cannot make my mortgage payment. Times are tough all around!
I know it is very harsh...the thing is I have asked her so many times (sm)
and the things she says are hurtful to my children. I am not petty and it is not over something small like candy or just having a difference of opinion. The things she says to them really scare and upset them. She let them watch a woman giving birth on TV once when they were very young...I had not explained yet to them exactly how a baby gets out...they were both very upset. She also has told other family members that she believes my husband is a child molester and that he has made my son, who is 11, gay. My husband is not a molester. My son likes girls. He has no idea she ever said that, but if he ever heard that she did, it would probably be very devastating to him. Each time I have sat down and tried to explain to her that we don't expose our children to this or that, and that we don't teach them to believe that there are ghosts or demons after them, she says she is a grown woman and can say whatever she wants to and gets all teary-eyed and wants to cry. Then later she yells at me, "oh, yeah, that's right I'm not supposed to say anything." She kept the kids while I was gone overnight this past weekend and I specifically asked her not to say anything that would scare them. She let my daughter invite a friend to sleep over. She told them all about ghosts and demons and how she once saw a demon in her closet. The girl sleeping over got scared and cried to go home at midnight. My daughter called me on my cell at midnight crying because her friend was scared and going home and she was also scared. At what point do I draw the line?
Where to get posters, etc. sm
My granddaughter's birthday in June, hope to get some favors, etc. I hate to jump on the bandwagon as I don't like all this stuff of kids growing up too soon. I hate to see them get out of princess and Cinderella. Oh well, any ideas on how to get ahead of the game - only the 1 and 2 grades invited, I find it sad that they don't have good old fashioned values but guess I'm history. PS: They do go to church, etc., for those who are ready to attack with other ideations. Peer pressure, sick of it all. Nice girls, pure and simple but getting into the bogus world of peer pressure. Confused!!
LOL to both those posters. I wish I were
clever enough to think of something... but more gullible, I would be the recipient of such a trick. This is why I work at home. :)
I'm not referring to the posters...sm
who disagree as being busybodies, but people who make a stink about this issue in general...Never said it was the disagreeing posters who are the busybodies...read carefully....
You know, I don't know, but I would tend to believe the other posters have hit
the nail on the head that it is a comfort zone and perhaps he cannot or will not be without a woman. He is not terribly outgoing, so I do suspect he has esteem issues of his own. In any case, I think I will follow the advice here and wait and see what life brings and not try to settle for less than.
Agree with other posters, plus...
She was punished in school. Unless something really, really bad (which thankfully never happened), I would let school behavior be dealt with at school and home behavior dealt with at home. However, I let my kids know that in no uncertain terms, the teacher had my blessing in dealing with them in the appropriate manner (pretty scary lol).
But I have to say, and please do not take offense, but she wanted a book... not a toy... for some reason that just breaks my heart. I guess because my daughter loves books and they are her world (now an English major with college professor aspirations).
Anyhow, no one is perfect, kids nor parents.
I was one of the posters in the dicsussion below
and I said that I asked my 14yr old DD how many girls she knew that were pregnant. She said 0. She just finished middle school and will start high school with my DS this fall. Picked him up from Washington DC yesterday and told him about the discussion. He will be a junior this fall. Asked him how many girls were preggers and he said if it is not a rumor, then 13. I was shocked. Guess I was being fooled by many. But once again, I do know some really good girls, my DD included.
So I will apologize to both posters
the one who called me looney and the other who called me juvenile. Sorry if I offended you both...I find this board to be both a comfort and a place I can vent and hopefully help those who ask for advice or help with terminology. I don't want to come off as rude...I was just feeling a little hurt, as I would never call someone here a negative name, as I feel we are commrades...Hope that makes sense....I will shut up now and let this go...Just feeling sad that my good intentions turned sour. No hard feelings? None here.
I'd have to agree with the other posters.
He sounds very controlling. I was married to that and it took me 13 years to get away from the mental abuse and longer to "regroup." My situation was extreme. I grew up in a household in the days where "the man was the boss and you did what they said." So, when I married young, I viewed my husband as my "boss" or "master" and I was supposed to do as he said and NEVER talk back. I was allowed no friends, could not socialize or work outside of the home because other men may be at the place I might work. I was timed when I went to the grocery store and one time I took too long and he locked me it of the house..it was my son's birthday.. He also watched our house from his work with binoculars so he would know when and if I left the house and if any men came over. Well, after finally getting a job, getting out in the "real" world, I found out that people didn't live that way. The women I worked with actually had friends, could have lunch with them etc.. I remember them all inviting me out to lunch while at work, and I remember being terrified that he'd "catch" me out somewhere other than work and I would get in trouble. Once, I figured out this treatment was wrong, I decided to fight back, and the first time I talked back, he went nuts..threatening to cut off all my hair so no one would want me if I left him etc..This insanity continued until God came me the strength to leave. The first thing I did was enroll in college at age 27, having never even finished high school, but I was ready for college and I knew I had to do it if I ever wanted to get out of there and support myself. He made my life so miserable while I went to school and most days I just wanted to quit and give up, but I didn't. I just kept going and thank goodness. Long story short. I started my life over at 30 and have never looked back. I was single for 8 years before I got married again. It took me that long to fix myself so that I would never again put up with that crap. So, NOW, I'm the boss and it's my way or I'll slap his beak off LOL. On a serious note, I don't mean to pass judgment but your husband sounds too controlling and it's time to stand up now or forever hold your peace. I remember being called a fat a#$#$@# when I weighed 120 lb. I was scared to eat and get fat because he berated me. Mind you, this man got to 325 lb but I was the fat a#$#$#@.. Yes, life is good now. I'm my own person and married to the man of my dreams and who worships the ground I walk on..the way it should be...LOL Best wishes to you. No one deserves to be treated less than equal.
I think you get the picture of the posters
xx
Yeah they do need posters over there
I've already got in trouble for posting that it was boring over there and got an e-mail that was rather defensive because I even said it and I did say it nicely.
There are no job ads; same ole Diskriter, Focus...
Same posters all the time... blah, blah 
I've tried several times to seem interested, but it's just the same ole boring stuff.. This board is much more exciting and informative.
I agree with the posters below.
You need to move closer to family and see a doctor. You can also find the local social services department and they will provide free medications for 6 months. you will have to see one of their doctors but and fill out some paperwork but that's the only catch.
Depression is higher around the holidays. The weather, finances, family, on top of every day stresses can be overwhelming. Being in this antisocial job doesn't help either. I have often thought of getting something a few days a week just to get out of the house. I think it would do anyone good.
Know that things could always be worse and they will get better. Your grandson is young, he doesn't understand but will some day. Even if he had 30 presents, he would still think "where's the rest" as this is a common occurrence in kids. I thought it was only my child but since have found many others are the same.
Keep your head up and do what you can. It's ok to cry and vent to others. Don't keep it all bottled up inside. You will be surprised to find who your true friends and family are when you open up and really need them.
I agree with the other posters.
Definitely go up atleast 1 size.
I am pregnant now. I haven't even had a shower yet and everyone is giving me newborn stuff. I guess it is what everyone likes to give but forget that they are not in them very long.
If anyone else gave her diapers for her shower or just to be nice when they come to see the baby, odds are they will give her newborns. I have also heard that some hospitals allow you to take home with you what newborn diapers are left in the room on discharge so she may have those too. I'm sure it is not a lot but it all adds up.
I agree with most of the other posters.
I have an 11yo stepson. At his biomom's house he stays home alone for about an hour by himself after school and rides the bus home. He has been doing it since 3rd grade and he is still scared out of his mind when he does. We have talked about safety and all the rest with him to make sure he can make the best decision possible when home alone because it is out of our control. We do not leave him alone during our parenting time. He is a great kid but this doesn't have as much to do with him as with other people. You can't trust anyone. When it comes down to it, a kid will be a kid and when people get scared they forget things. He does have 3 teachers from his school that live on the same street and the walk from the bus is not far but things can happen very quickly and you don't know who you can trust these days.
I agree with most of the posters below, but I would
also like to add that it sounds like he needs a job or some form of exercise and male companionship. If he's not currently working, I take it that financially it's not hurting you. Therefore, it doesn't matter if he takes a minimum wage job -- clerking at a hardware store, etc. This will give him some self-worth, get him out of your hair and hopefully give him an outlet to talk about some of these world topics.
If he doesn't want to take a job, he should consider joining a gym. Exercise releases endorphins which makes you feel happy. It would also help with his figure. Maybe you could get a couples rate and go together. My hubs and I just joined our local gym. So far, we haven't gotten to go together because of the kids, but we both go separately with a friend.
I know what you mean about living in a small town. We live in a very small town -- population about 7000, 1 grocery store, 1 hardware store, 2 convenience stores, 2 dollar stores and a couple pizza/sandwich shops. But if you really want something, you'll find it. Maybe he just needs a gentle push.
If all else fails, you could give a call to his doctor and let him know about how he's been acting. His doctor could then discuss things with him (without letting him know that you've talked to him) and maybe prescribe some medication or run some tests that could find a medical cause for his negativity.
Good luck -- and as I said, I agree with what the other posters have said about changing yourself. My dad was the same way after he retired, but then he got a part-time job delivering furniture locally and joined the gym. He's a lot better now and my mom's grateful that he "talks" with his coworkers about some of the stuff he was bugging her with.
To the 2 posters who gave me info on WW ...
The Points system is the best. I'm joined the online program and keep my points tracker open all day.
Thanks for giving the information you did.
I agree with you; don't understand all these other posters
It's not like he is 4 or 5; he is 10.
True. Look at posters to this board who take bad
x
If this is so boring - why bother? they need posters over there can't you tell
by this thread?
Well, he WAS a prophet. Shame on cruel posters.
xx
Yeah, and it's always the ever-so-resentful posters who can't STAND sm
the fact that we are work-at-home MOMs!
I am so sick and tired of reading all of these negatives posts from those supermom's or those who abhor children, who sit on their high-horse and can't believe that we work at home with our children here. My children are very well behaved, very intelligent, LOVE ME BEING HERE, and I work doing MT and have been for about 8 years now.
Never, and I mean never, have I seen children with work-at-home parents kill someone, kill themself, become a drug addict, etc. Never. The ones that I see with all the issues are those parents who are A-B-S-E-N-T. Yes, I am yelling. I am just so sick and tired of all the backlash and negativity against us stay-at-home moms.
I think you are guiding your anger towards the wrong people. I don't know if your parents dropped you off somewhere when you were little, but you definitely have a problem to be so against us - and go so far as to call us inprofessional to be working from home. I have an idea. Why don't you NOT worry about us stay-at-home, work-at-home moms because your arguments carry absolutely no merit whatsoever. None.
As moms or dads, we are here. With them. And it does matter. They are thriving. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Before you start printing up posters and plastering
them all over town, campus, et cetera... remember there IS a little girl involved here with very tender feelings.
How long ago was his conviction or was it an accusation? What is the history behind the charges?
I beg you to PLEASE check with authorities and possibly a grief counselor for advice BEFORE you destroy a little girl who may have absolutely no idea of her father's past.
Posters here are giving great advice
I would definitely stash the savings before she got her hands on it. AND, I do believe she needs some help. Overspending can be a sign of a chemical imbalance. At the least, she needs budget counseling. You have to think past the moment, to the years ahead when you are both old and could possibly be broke.
We live in a double-wide trailer, older, but it is nice, and we are fixing it up room by room. Our mortgage is smaller than what rent would be. This is a conscious choice for us, knowing that if you choose the big fancy house, the big fancy payment comes with it. If you are already struggling, please stay where you are. I think you knew your answer before you asked us, just wanted affirmation, and all of the posters are wise on their advice. Best of luck to you.
Posters are correct, child support diff from visitation
Just because a parent is behind on child support does NOT mean you lost your visitation rights, even if you went to court and tried making restitution. What the courts might do is GARNISH your salary (if employed) with some going towards back child support. I am not sure if all states are the same, but I would think they are on this subject, but again, I'm not sure. Florida works this way though, this I can assure you.
She wasn't talking to you, BTW. She was talking about the 2 posters below! nm
m
Yes, my dad's parents
My dad died when I was 18. I love my daddy, and I love my pop (step-dad). It is so sad that my children never got to meet their grandpa, but they do also have a grandpa (my pop) that loves them with all his heart. I also have a brother, who was named after my dad, and felt it only right that if anyone uses my dad's name it be his choice, not mine. Does that make sense? Thanks for your input!!!
My parents did it,
and they would say DON'T get Sears to do it. They did a horrible job.
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