Anyone here caring for aging parents?
Posted By: ANONMT on 2008-10-02
In Reply to:
Whoof. This is so very hard. My mother is/was a brilliant educator, highly respected in her field.
We are walking a very thin line these days. I just hate it, and I do not use that word often.
We have found an assisted living facility that she likes, and I do as well. But, she is not liking the fact that she must decide. Oh, it is so very hard.
She was quite ill back in the summer, went to a nursing home for therapy (to recover from pneumonia), and then home. She is failing, and not going "gentle into that good night." She wants so very much to live on her own, but it is such a struggle. I am afraid for her, and I am so very tired.
Is anyone else living with this? If so, what do you do? I have read a thousand articles, talked with so many specialists, and still am lost.
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Aging parents
Well, ya know, you just do what you need to do during these times. I helped care for both my folks and they each died in their mid 60s of cancer. I did a lot of praying to find the strength and really kept remembering I only had one mom and one dad and after all they had given up to give us kids a good life growing up, it was the absolutely least I could do. My brothers and sister were just great too and we got to the point we took shifts, even when they were hospitalized. Looking back, we had some really very nice moments. I can actually say I have no regrets and feel no guilt about perhaps what I should have done later. If you do have siblings, ask for help. Take care of yourselves as you really are not as capable of caring for your parents otherwise.
I understand about the aging parents thing
because I was there also, older brother had died and just me for not only mother, father but also my stepmother whom I adored. My mother died first, then my stepmother and father killed in accident at age 90 but I worried so much about stepmom and father- I lived close enough to where I could be there in a couple of hrs and told them phone call away. It is not easy but I really understand. I think most of the younger crowd now is too much of a me generation for the same consideration.
Aging - How old is your Mom?
.
He looks like an aging ugly female! nm
b
Check with your local department of the aging, too. nm
s
as I'm aging, I do not like HEAVY pots/pans
La Crueset was too heavy for me as is cast iron plus cast iron is bad for people with hepatitis problem(s) so I tend to stay away from cast iron (puts off iron in the food and hepatitis C feeds on iron) as I have a family member with this particular hepatitis.
My hands are also very bad after transcribing for 30+ years - so I tend to want nonaluminum lighter cookware which would be something like Farberware or Revereware if they still make the latter. *lol*
anyone have an aging dog on meds for arthritis pain??? sm
my bassett is 13 years old and has arthritis in her hips and probably other joints. the vet put her on Carprofen and the first few days she did great! then she started having diarrhea and acting like she's hurting again (shaking, panting, a little whining). I told vet, she said to stop meds until she is over her "sour belly". she tested her diarrhea and it was fine, no blood or parasites. she went without her medicine for a day and a half and it showed, as she couldn't walk as well (which before she went on this medicine she couldn't use her back legs). so i started giving her medicine again. vet said the carprofen was going to be temporary. i was reading some bad side effects for this medicine. i think this medicine is making her have the diarrhea. she's only been on the medicine for about a week and a half at the most.
just wondered if anyone else had pets with arthritis problems and what you used to help. i'm not sure if i should try something alternative. or maybe even Dr. Frank's spray.
thanks
They're supposed to be a normal part of aging...yuck! Dunno if a derm doc can zap them or not. nm
s
Thank you for caring for that poor dog. sm
She must have been neglected for a long time.
With her coughing up mucus, she probably has pneumonia and needs antibiotics. She also needs dental work.
You might want to feed her some ground beef and rice. You should boil the beef, not fry it (no seasonings)and add it to cooked rice that has no seasonings. This is what my vet prescribed when one of my dogs was sick. It should be easy for her to eat this. But please get her to a vet ASAP.
She probably has some kind of allergy that is causing her to chew herself. Or she might be doing that because her teeth hurt her.
Thanks for caring so much and for passing that along! NM
thank you all for the advice and caring.....sm
I knew I was doing the right thing posting here. All of the MTs I have spoken to on this site have been really kind.
I found out about the cheating when the other woman's husband called our house last night, and my husband told me first thing this morning so that I could hear it from him instead of the other guy. I have since talked to the other husband and the wife says that my husband wanted it to go further, but she stopped it. I think she is just trying to save her a@@. The other husband read some e-mails to me that they had passed back and forth together, and it sounds to me like there was more going on. I also called my cell phone company today to get the past few months details on his phone so I can see just how much they were talking. My husband said they didn't really talk that often (the CSR checked through the records and found multiple calls on multiple days. She was very nice, helpful, and encouraging).
We have 2 small children (4½ and 2½ girls) and I feel like I owe it to them to try and find a way to work through this. He has agreed to counseling, but I don't know at this point how I want this all to turn out. I'm still just too numb, shocked, angry, etc. to have thought it out that far.
Thanks again for all of your advice and opinions. There is a lot to be learned from other peoples experiences. Just pray for strength for me to get through the holidays without having a nervous breakdown or a murder charge.
God bless you for caring sm
We have kept our dogs for up to 16-17, until it would have been inhumane to let them suffer, so I can feel your pain. I cried more over my dogs than I did for family as the first one was born right here in our home as well and we treat our animals as one of us. Unless one is an animal lover, others cannot understand why you could be so heartbroken. My husband took it hard as well and we were both so distraught it was worse than a human death. We had ignorant people say ignorant things such as, "it's only a dog," etc. Be comforted in knowing that those of us who love animals feel your pain. It will take a long time to get over. I could not walk past the pet food aisle without tears. The only answer to my pain was guess what? Another pet if possible. Bless you, we are here to talk. Those of us who love animals know what you've been through. You feel helpless, I'm sure, but you did your best.
Thank you for caring. It means a lot.
ss
Thank you all for caring. I have an appointment on
Thursday to see a Christian psychologist at a local church. I have been thinking of attending this church for some time, and when I have my appointment it might be a foot in the door so to speak. Thank you again for your kind words. My post was just another way of reaching out. When I get terribly depressed I tend to internalize everything and avoid people. I really need to sit down with someone and just unload. I think this is a step in the right direction.
Bless your heart for caring!
t
I can't thank you all enough for your support, information, and caring..sm
You have really uplifted me a bit, and we will continue to search for answers and pray to do the right thing. She is so loved!! And God Bless each and every one of you, and your loved ones, for your kind notes and posts, SO APPRECIATED!!!
but short on compassion and caring.
x
Thanks for being a caring person. Please don't change.-nm
xx
You sound like a very caring and kind person
I'm definitely not going to flame you, but I'm wondering if you actually put stuff *inside* the mailbox because that is against the law. I would appreciate the thought, but I really wouldn't like someone going in my mailbox besides my mail carrier.
My neighbors across the street have the most beautiful lights. I just moved here from the sticks and it was SO cool to be able to look outside my window every night and look at their array. I don't see them because our schedules are different, so I thought about mailing them a thank you card. But it really would not be appropriate to just pop it in the box.
Anyhow, please don't take offense, but maybe some of the looks you are getting is the mailbox thing. I'm not assuming or anything, just wanted to give you a heads up.
I sincerely hope you feel better :-)
The woman has children who are supposed to be caring for her
Interfering could lead to some seriously unpleasant unintended consequences.
I had that problem with a neighbor, only they weren't caring
constantly barking. I would put water out for the dog and sometimes feed the dog because it was being neglected. Finally, when no one was looking I had the dog come with me and I took it over to my moms house and found the dog a really loving home. My bad? I don't care, I knew the dog was being well taken care of. The lady I gave him too just doted on him and he was no longer neglected.
Even though a dog is being fed and given water doesn't mean it isn't being neglected. Animal neglect is a form of abuse. If you call anyone, don't call Animal Control. Call the Humane Society or some other entity who can take the animal so it won't end up being put to sleep. It's not the dogs fault that the owner neglects him.
confidence of not caring what other people who don't matter think
nm
Thanks to all for caring. I will use Resolve and update on this board SM
to let you know. It happened so quickly, and I guess that is what happens when you snack in the living room. I am used to sometimes putting my glass or bowl on the floor when I am finished eating. This time I paid a high price. I think it may at least take some of the stain out, and thank God it was one of my smaller pans. As Cat said, a throw rug is an option as well.
Have a great Thanksgiving! I am working, but will have the afternoon with my family.
Well it sounds good but a true caring
and giving person that gives from the heart and not merely to impress would also probably not have thrown a post like that in the middle of ones where people are obviously having great financial difficulties. LOL. Sometimes ya just gotta laugh.
Bless you all that are having money problems and I hope things get better for you soon. And, remember, this too shall pass.
You are a caring, loving person. That has been obvious SM
from your posts for a long time to me. You are doing the right thing and staying on top of this. With your close eye and caring and with professionals on board I think your son has a bright future. Keep us informed. 
Yes, my dad's parents
My dad died when I was 18. I love my daddy, and I love my pop (step-dad). It is so sad that my children never got to meet their grandpa, but they do also have a grandpa (my pop) that loves them with all his heart. I also have a brother, who was named after my dad, and felt it only right that if anyone uses my dad's name it be his choice, not mine. Does that make sense? Thanks for your input!!!
My parents did it,
and they would say DON'T get Sears to do it. They did a horrible job.
My parents have several sm
and are very happy. I don't know how my dad went about aquiring them (he does have his real estate license)so that is probably a plus even though that is not his regular job. My parents are able to spend 3 weeks straight in Florida each year due to time shares. Two weeks at one place and one week at another. He also will swap time shares with others so they don't always have to go to the same places every year. My husband and I looked into one at Hilton Head and it just didn't seem like a very good deal to us. I didn't talk to my father first, but felt sure he would have advised against this one. This is just from my experience. I have heard horror stories from others. Good Luck.
What about your parents
Treat them as if they were your parents. Most of the time when I was married and we went to my in-laws, we knocked but then walked in especially if it was through the garage. I did the same at my parents, went through the sliding glass door. They did the same at our house. To me is is a minor thing and I did not care, thought it was great that they liked me and felt welcome enough to come on over and drop by. If they ended up seeing something they shouldn't then perhaps next time they would have called. Or if someone was there that they did not plan on seeing whatever. Sometimes we had the best last minute pot luck and card games that way. But that is me.
My parents are the same way. They don't like to
"invite" themselves along to the in-laws' houses on holidays, and won't even accept direct invitations from the in-laws because they think I pressured the invitation. My in-laws (and I) always figure "the more, the merrier!" When I host here, I invite all of my in-laws' extended families, but they don't want to come either. So we all wind up doing the two dinner thing and trying to schedule around EVERYONE. It's annoying. I'd rather rent a big hall and have EVERYONE show up for potluck. But nobody wants to leave their houses. Always some excuse, like young kids, but they didn't mind making me haul my young kids all over the state. And I'm the one in the family with the most kids. I say go anyway to the in-laws. Your parents can stay at your house alone for the evening, or they can come with you. It's their choice, but your plans are already made.
27 and 31 here, in the NE. Many other parents we
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it's not just the parents...
kids today have different issues to face than kids did even up to the 50s and 60s. Most kids are watching MTV before they are out of diapers. It's just easier to put something electronic in a kid's hand than have to act like a parent. Kids are having kids at earlier ages than ever. A few years ago I lived in south Philly and watched a girl about 12 yo with a baby talking to a young boy on a bicycle. She told him she wanted money for the baby and he told her his mom didn't give him any lunch money that week, so he didn't have anything to give her.
My situation has been different because of the abandonment issues my GD has had to adjust to... but get this. One reason I can not spank her is because she came to me with some violent behavior from her parents. Her mom would let her run across the room (to the mom), jump on her and wrestle until she was so over stimulated the baby would bite mom on the face...and mom just laughed. I could not spank her for biting me...one violent action did not change the first. I have had to learn many new techniques since I raised my kids...obviously spaking did not work on them! I was very firm with them and used spanking as a last resort, but I can't do that with this child. She has to trust me and spankings do not build trust. We have a great relationship now, but I constantly have to reinforce changing her behavior from what she had when she came to me, along with just asserting her own indpendence as she grows older, with my words and deeds, not with violence.
My parents used to do this...
I can remember begging my mom for the list of names and numbers and she'd never give in. Drove us 4 kids up the wall! But thinking back, it was fun! Merry Christmas y'all!!!
Where are the parents???
I don't put the blame totally on Brittany (most of it I do, but not all of it). Her parents should be hauled down with her. Where in the world were they when this all was beginning. If it was me my mom and dad would be right there beside me saying what in the world is going on and they would get me the counseling I needed (and not allow me to leave when I wanted to). I don't care if she is a "pop" star or not. If more of the parents of these "stars" would act like parents you would think their children would behave more rationally. I look at Brittany and lots of her friends and they really are still children. I have a brother-in-law who is 48 and acts like he's 16 and needs to be kept in line by his mom. Maybe the parents are too worried that their famous kids will stop giving them money....who knows. Maybe not, but it looks like it to me.
parents
I had a daughter in a similar situation. Her school had a tutoring program after schools with actual teachers and that really helped her a lot. She actually was doing okay in the class, but just didn't feel confident. The teachers made her feel more sure of herself and that seemed to make all the difference. I'd talk with the physics teacher or counselor to see if they can work with her before she drops the class.
Parents what would you do?
I'm looking for some advice. My daughter just started the 9th grade. She's been in accellerated/Honors classes for a few years and she has always maintained a 98+ average. This year she's taking Physics, a 12th grade class. She's only been back to school for less than two weeks and she's so stressed out. She wants to drop out of the class already. I told her to give it to the first semester which will be over in ten weeks to see how it goes. My husband feels that she has to take it eventually so she should say in the class. She's afraid that this course is going to ruin her grade point average that she's very proud of. I think she should talk to the teacher and her counselor to see what advice they have. Her teacher is one that gives the work and says do it without really teaching them how to do anything. I'm so illiterate when it comes to science I'm no help at all. My husband took physics years ago and he tried to work with her last night, but I'm not sure how much he remembers himself. What would you do if your child was in the same predicament?
parents
careful, your face will freeze that way. go to your room and wait. killer was "I never thought I could be so disappointed in you. I thought we raised you better than that".
parents
how could I forget this one? Can't never accomplished anything.
never make fun of what someone does for a living as long as it is an honest job.
parents
My parents helped very little - they were very loving, but very poor. I worked, had no car, ate very simple cheap foods - that is the only way I could have done it. . I could not help my daughter much either - she got scholarships, took out loans and worked - full time one year while attending college full-time. . If parents can help, I think they should. . I think this mom is willing to help, just not change her entire life, which she should not have to.
This all comes down to the parents
I think those women are making a big mistake. I love my sister and nephew, don't get me wrong. But he is like that 7 yo and it drives me crazy. BUT my sister and BIL are to blame, I feel. He gets a toy every time they're in a store. He gets a new toy if he's good at the dentist. My sister feels "guilty" if he likes something and she doesn't run out and get it. They buy him major video games just because, instead of reserving these things for birthdays or Christmas. They will go out and buy him a $200 item in the middle of the week and when I ask what the occasion is? Nothing, we just thought he'd like it!
He is well behaved and they don't use the toys as bribes, but yet still, it's unbelievable some of the stuff they do. Yes, it's their only child, but I'm amazed. Growing up when we would talk, my sister had definite opinions about what she would and would not do when she had children, and this is not how she felt back then.
But he doesn't know anything about Monopoly or playing cards, or any of that stuff. In my opinion, they're raising him to be materialistic and as an adult I can see him as one of those guys who always has to have the latest toys to impress the other guys. Just my opinion.
You might be right, but my parents had me so...
afraid of them that I would NEVER have considered such a thing. Although I do not have a teenager yet, my hope is to have that kind of fear and, yes, respect by the time they are that age. However, I might live to eat my words yet. I just think that with a teenage girl, this might not really have been about a wedding after all--it could have been about a date to a wedding and I find that scary.
See what I mean? Some parents have no
consideration for anyone but themselves. Yes, parenting is a tough job. Some people do it better than others. But it doesn't give the less-than-adequate parents the right to inflict their out-of-control brats on others.
I love how they all go on the defensive, too, if you call them out on it. Suddenly they accuse the person objecting to their kids of not having kids themselves. (Usually not true).
It all boils down to consideration. And letting your infant scream through 3/4 of a movie, or a wedding ceremony, is pretty much akin to looking the other way while your dog drops a load of steaming poop on a neighbor's front lawn.
I would believe most parents would know
already.
You could do what my parents did to me
I stayed past curfew one too many times. First time they let it slide, second time the warned me and third time said I disobeyed, so they marched into my room, grabbed a suitcase and said if I didn't want to obey their rules than to get out and see if I could live somewhere cheaper and have a car whenever I wanted it. Even though the car was mine (old Valiant (think Chrysler made it, but it was mine), but they told me the car was not an option and would not be going with me.
It took me about 30 minutes of begging and pleading for them to let me to stay and I had to do some extra work around the house as punishment for disobeying them.
The only thing was back then 18 was legal age (drinking, etc). Your daughter is not of legal age yet. I'm not saying this is your or your daughter because I don't know you, but parents seem to always believe their kids are responsible. My sister thinks her 19-year-old son is responsible, but he shows time and time again he is not. I have a friend who boasted about how responsible her 17-year-old son is, he doesn't smoke or drink and studies in school and gets good grades and only goes out to go to the library. A few days later (Sat night) the police had brought him home as he was caught at a party drinking.
Took a lot of time for my parents to consider me responsible after some of the stuff I did (staying out past curfew, etc). Parents should not be so quick to trust their kids. They need to earn trust.
Where are parents?
Are the parents going to be home that allow this? In Connecticut if there was underage drinking and something went wrong the parents would be in trouble as much as the rest of the kids. Just in one month we lost 5 teenagers in 3 different accidents for drinking and loosing control of their cars and running them up a pole. A parents worse nightmare.
I never had a problem with my two daughters with drinking underage at home. When they are at college I do not loose any sleep over it because what I don't see or know I cannot worry about it. I trust they will make the right decisions but they are away so who knows.
My parents.
x
Any foster parents out there?
x
You're asking what I and other parents were asking...sm
when the other teacher was out so long. Our school system is probably the worst about holding back kids. I'm a foster parent and had a prior foster child that desperately needed to be held back (she was academically 2 years behind her peers and emotionally 2 years behind them) and they refused to hold her back because she had already been held back in the 1st grade due to poor attendance while she was with her birth parents, regardless of the fact that she was emotionally and educationally behind the kids her age.
They were all good parents as far as I know - sm
There were no reports in the news stating any reason why this group from Kansas thought they were bad parents. They were just parents with broken hearts. I agree with you that they need to be kept away from funerals.
Any parents here making a
to only have one child..? We're seriously considering not having any more..One is PLENTY OF WORK AND LOVE!!
If possible, their parents should be told..
that their boys are insulting and ridiculing adult women on the street. Having raised 3 sons, they were encouraged to be kids and have fun but they were CERTAINLY taught respect for adults and that it's wrong to insult anybody ''for fun'' (particularly adults). Unbelievable that the poster below called this ''minute''. There is nothing ''minute'' about ridicule and nasty remarks--particularly directed at a perfect stranger just going about her own business!
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