Am I missing something? Working at marriage?
Posted By: Sally on 2009-05-26
In Reply to:
I keep hearing people say you have to work at marriage. What am I missing here? I have been married now for almost 10 years and never felt like I had to work at anything to make our marriage work. Are there ladies out there who have a difficult time getting along, money issues, family issues, just what?
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Working at marriage, can you explain?
I read these posts and I told my DH yesterday we were going to have to work at marriage and he wanted to know what?? I am asking the same of the readers here. I am in my 60s, 10 years older than my hubby and we have been married for 6 years now (previous husband deceased). I am so in love with this fellow, probably for the first time in my life and he with me. I adore the ground he walks on and just think he is the best thing since popcorn. I work at my transcription job but I don't get this about marriage having to be worked at. I have grown children. This is his first marriage and he has no children. He is a hard worker as am I and we do not fight, ever. There have been absolutely no big spats at all, none. He takes the big debt and I have the smaller. We have separate checking accounts and that is fine with me but if need be we are both on each other accounts. If I want to go to dinner, the show, to visit someone, no problem and the same with him. He was our (late DH and my) friend for over 30 years and I think possibly by being his friend first of all, he is now the best hubby I could ever hope for. I never in all those years even knew he noticed me, quiet, shy, reserved, barely holding conversation with me, mostly he and the other DH. There is nothing I would not do for this man. I want to hear from others about working at marriage because I am just not understanding. Probably some of you are saying this seems impossible but I am living my dream like I never imaged I could have.
hard working marriage
I wish I could say I never had to work at my marriage also but fact is it has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. No, I would NOT go back and do it all again. However, I made a committment and I am going to stick with my vow as long as I possibly can. It has been 17 years now. I am not totally miserable, we have joy and happiness and three beautiful children. My husband just has a TON of baggage and has not dealt with it and logical decisions do not come easy to him. He's not as giving as I thought he was, but then I have my parents' marriage, that's what I saw growing up and that's what I got.
Not missing anything
I read time and time again about someone asking how to do all this, take care of the kids, do the housework. I am in the same boat as you, doing the same type work, independent. If you own your own business, then you make the rules but you still have rules, even a boss or your business fails. I hear complaints about not being taken as professional. Nope, won't get there with the housewifey type posts I see. A lot of the posts I see would never make it out in the real work force (that is going to an inhouse job). Too many conflicts to take care of at home.
maybe I am missing something here--sm
but I work all the time and really do not keep up on the news and such, so who are these people from Kansas, and what do they do when they go to funerals of soldiers who have fought in Iraq? I am just curious. I don't know anything about this. thanks.
You might be missing something very sm
important. Your grandmother seemed to hang onto her lucidity until she got to see you again. Her last words to you were filled with love. She said "goodbye" her way, probably the best way for your earthly relationship to end.
Anybody else get that impression?
Missing Mom from RI sm
http://www.helpfindkatie.com/info.htm
The above is a website for a Lincoln, RI woman who was suffering from post-partum depression. She disappeared after a short stay in a hospital and was last seen in Newport, RI trying to sell a piece of jewelry. Someone thought they saw her on a bus to NY City but no leads so far. Those of you who have walk the walk must realize how the system has failed us. Please look at her picture and keep her in your thoughts. Thanks
Not missing out, they are, no $$$ from me
I really tried, seriously but when it came down to the nitty gritty and you want to hurt my feelings, NO, NO. I quit. One I talk with, back and forth, not buddy-buddy and would not think I could call on just to call on. The other child, came down to money with that 1 so I am gone like the wind. I am just a lot happier now that the children are grown and on their own.
missing my mom
Hi there. I lost my mom 6 years ago. I miss her dearly. I feel strongly that she is still close by me and truly believe it without a doubt. My favorite memory is sitting at the table having coffee, and she would tell me stories of her childhood as she had lots of uncles and aunts and her dad was an alderman and a bandleader in the 40s and 50s. There were some funny and very interesting ones. They lived in a big house with 13 rooms and people used to call it grandcentral station. Sadly they tore the house down 2 years ago as no one was left in the family except for neices,nephews,cousins and some thought they made the right decision in tearing it down because the area just was not what it used to be and I guess because it was sentimental to the older cousins they didn't want anyone just living in it because they grew up there too. We feel like a part of history is gone now. We can't believe how small the lot looks where a big house once was.
What you are missing here is
when you reach a certain age, you can say and do what you pretty much want to. Instead of worrying, will my MIL/FIL/spouse, etc., etc. care, you don't. What others do is say -- well they're old and you are excused for being tyrant, crude, obnoxious, etc., etc. We worry so much when we are young, will I be accepted, what should I say, how will so and so think about me- that being old gives you the opportunity to say have finally reached the age where I just don't care what others think, say, do. One of the good things about aging.
Need help know I am missing something.
I am not a Matha Stewart type. I have to cook which I love, but I am missing something:
Menu: Spiral sliced ham, potato salad, cheese ball, and snowball cookies. A raw vegetable plate would be perfect but I am cooking for elderly and they cannot eat raw veggies (edentulous). I know I am missing something, any suggestions?
there are 7? I am missing out, but all
I can remember about the last one I read was a reunion and her daughter had found someone, too. At the very end, she said, "you tell them the Campbells are coming" Was that book 4? This was years ago and I gave up looking for any more, they were so hard to fine here, the ones I found were about the only one on the shelf.
This is the last on this, seems like you are missing a
screw somewhere- I said I can pay cash if I want, I have in the bank, 3 accts and come May my income will more than double what my salary per month is now. Clear cash of almost 4500 a month, no taxes, nothing out of that except what I want to spend and I do and will continue and will still have my banking accts and do not intend to draw off of those. Last for this. I am sorry others are in so much deep debt with debtors breathing down their necks but this is not my issue.
Now I know what I have been missing
good old Spam. You can eat it straight out of the can or you can fry. Hey, I even know a lady who barbecues hers on the grill.
my dog has been missing...sm
My husky, Carlito, has been missing for 4-1/2 weeks. He is 13-1/2 years old and has some arthritis in his hips, and seems to be getting hard of hearing because sometimes he will jump when I'm near him, like he didn't hear me there beside him. He's been an outside dog most of his life, so I'm not worried about him and the weather, but I am worried about the fact that there are a lot of wooded areas around my town, and a main road that leads out of the small town I live in that goes from 25 mph in town, to 55 mph right outside of town. I haven't seen him on the side of the road anywhere right near town. I've called the animal shelter every couple of days asking if anyone has called reporting seeing him. I called the first day I realized he was gone, but they had no one working that saturday, and I didn't hear from them till Monday when I called again, and they said 2 people called saying they saw him within a hour after I called them. She gave me their numbers, but they said they hadn't seen him since that same day I called...that was 4-1/2 weeks ago.
On Mother's day (last weekend), went to see my step-mom. she is pretty blunt when she talks, she doesn't mean anything by it, its just her way, she is a very nice person in the fact that she does what she can for people and is very helpful. But, on Mother's day she told me when I mentiond he was still missing "he's probably dead by now."
That upset me, but now that its been another week and still no sighting of him, signs posted at the local store windows asking for anyone to call if they've seen him have had no results....its been a little over a month. I was hoping to move this summer, though not finalized if I am or not. Its just me and my son and we were going to move to a different city here in WV. I worry that if I leave, he will miraculously show up and we will be gone...but people keep telling me to give up that he's been gone a whole month with no responses to flyers, no one calling to report him to the animal shelter for pick up, and he's old and that I should give up on him.
I guess I just want some opinions, would you give up? At what point do you say "well, I'm going to get rid of his cage then"...if he is gone and not coming back, I'm going to clean up his back yard and get rid of his house and bowls because its just a sad reminder every time I go out back that he's missing...but if he returns, then I'll have gotten rid of them for nothing.
I know, this is totally insignificant, but he's my doggie I've had him for 13-1/2 years, he's been with me through my divorce, keeping my feet warm when I cried my eyes out when I was going through my divorce and had my 1 year old child. He let my now 8 year old pull on his tail and his ears and never once growled or snapped at him. I just miss him and just wonder even for my son's sake, when do you just say he's not coming back and try to move forward without guilt?
fav things/missing mom
have to say my fav thing was summers in WV as a child with family...many of whom are dead. It was so pretty up there and innocent...playing in the "holler" and mountains, blackberries, and just a sense that all was right in the world. My mom's been dead for almost 20 years (1 week) and I still miss her, but know she's looking out for me down here while she's up there with my dad and sister. Life goes on but it's hard w/o parents, even as a grown up.
Ladies, you all are missing so much
I just got back from a wonderful, wonderful vacation today. I read below the women writing in about their husbands and the lives they have to lead. I wrote a post earlier about going out west- I go on 1 vacation that I want to and then my hubby and I go to Las Vegas together. I have visited 6 states in 7 days including Utah, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, Idaho and South Dakota. I do my own vacation each year - my hubby is a long distance driver and to take a trip like this would be just too much more traveling for him- last year Alaska. I meet up with a tour with others from all walks of life. I had 1 lady ask me on the trip "did you husband LET you come on this." I told her we are way past the age of letting 1 another do anything. Women, why in the world don't you wake up?? There are so many really good men out there that would love you, be really good to you. You do not have to put up with crap. You are wasting your life away. I have said this before and will say again- one of these days you will look back and wonder where your life has gone, in a flash you will find yourself in your 50s or 60s and why should you put up with anything other than the best in life? I have a honey of a husband that I adore, love and cherish with all my heart. He is my best friend and there is not enough money on this earth to take the place of him. He never fusses, screams, or even gets upset with me. The most even tempered person I have ever met. He is short, balding and the most sexy man I think I could ever meet. I thank the Man upstairs for this man in my life.
Missing funeral
Male a donation in the girl's name to the Natinal Kidney Foundation or some other kidney charity with a nice note.
YOU are missing the point!
The public humiliation in front of the entire class (60+ kids with more than half of them immature boys)was absolutely uncalled for and was going too far.
It's her FIRST period. She is NOT going to wear a tampon if she is uncomfortable with it.
To have a teacher loudly announce to the world that you have your period and then take it further to suggest that you stick a foreign object into your vagina at the age of 13 is mortifying to ANY young girl.
Not only that, some people simply cannot wear tampons for various reasons. It's really nobody else's business is it!
I think you are missing the point. When the OP
it up. I got the impression that they did not think of it as being wrong, as she was not protecting herself at school, but to and from school. Also, I did not say she should not be told not to bring it and I guess should still get suspended if it actually broke the rules, but its a lessoned learned and she still needs protected. You make it sound like the mother and the child are just being defiant and trying to start trouble. I think the whole thing was an innocent mistake.
missing my family
Yesterday something happened that really put me in a glum mood. I went to Starbucks for a coffee before coming home to work. I opened the door and a guy sitting there looked up at me, did a double take, got that look of recognition, then adjusted his headphones and went back to the book he was reading.
He is my neice's husband, the couple I asked just a few months ago if they would take care of my granddaughter if anything happened to me before she is grown. BTW, they had a baby a few months ago and didn't tell me about it, which means she was pregnant when I was asking them about being the godparents, far enough along to know and didn't tell me then, either.
He would not have talked to me, but I took the 2 steps to reach him and called him by name. He instantly!! said my name, so there was no doubt he had made the choice not to acknowledge me when he saw me. They are living in Scotland, so bumping into him at my local coffee shop is somewhat unusual and I don't understand how he could be so rude. We were supposed to get together for this Christmas...they have been here 2 weeks and not a word to me to get together with them. I had no idea they were back in the States yet.
But that got me to thinking. My sister (neice's mom) won't talk to me because she is after my mother's inheritence. My mom has done some really hurtful things to me and I can't have a relationship with her because every time I try, it's the same thing every time...I just don't have the energy for that. I found out my other sister that I am try to be close to (she won't contact me for months, then all of a sudden shows up on my door all concerned about me) has been feeding lies to my mom about me and my kids, so now I don't trust her to tell her anything. I found out she said she was glad I was back living in the area because now HER family looks better than MY family as being the blacksheeps of the family. She is after my mom's money too. I have always been the one who was honest with my mom - maybe the reason I always get hurt when I try to stay in contact with her, because she is naive and I would tell her what my sisters were doing to her. My sisters manipulate her and she falls for whatever they tell her. My brother died just 3 years ago of cancer at the age of 45 (two years older than me).
Since my daughter brought me her child to raise, that split everyone else up too... people saying I'm a child stealer while (surprisingly) my ex's family feel like I saved the child from the state taking the child. I am in the process of adopting her now, but that means my daughter won't have anything to do with me. When it started, I was helping her out...now I'm a vindictive witch, except last week when we were in front of the judge cuz she got a contempt charge for failure to pay child support and my daughter didn't want to go to jail. THEN she was nice to me to keep her out of jail.
I don't know if I''m overreacting or just feeling lonely. I feel like my granddaughter is now my only real family. I'm so sad because I grew up with a huge family, over 2 dozen cousins, almost as many neices and nephews and now their kids...and nobody keeps a realtionship with anybody else and everybody just seems to be brown nosers to get money (something I don't do). I'm also sad because I can't show my granddaughter what a real family is supposed to act like since there isn't any real extended family to stay in regular contact with. My ex's family only see her on a couple of major holidays during the year even though I encourage them to visit whenever they want.
Sorry, just wanted to get it off my chest...maybe I'm not the only one going through something like this during the holiday season. 
Missing point...
That is what I am talking about. It doesn't matter what age you are. If it is something you enjoy then do it. Why not. We are all going to die soon enough. I listen to the same music now I did when I was 20 simply because that is what I like. It makes me feel good.. I exercise to it.. Not because I want to be younger than my grandchildren, but because it is what I do. I enjoy life and I don't connect it with stereotypes. If you enjoy quiet times and calm music then go for it. It is just simply whatever we enjoy as individuals. All I am saying is we should not be clumped in behavior category because of our age. That's simply all. Wear your hair any length you like if that is what makes you feel good.
My husband is missing
I came home from work tonight and noticed a man that resembled my husband sitting in our kitchen watching TV. I began to converse with this man who I believed was my husband only to find out he's not my husband. I was faced with a hostile irritable male figure who was complaining with not an ounce of happiness.
I continued to listen to words that didn't make sense in my book until I couldn't take anymore and went upstairs to fold and put away laundry. I then hear this man downstairs coughing like a mad man. You'd think I'd run to the rescue, but for a total stranger, I think not! So I do the next best thing, turn up the volume on my TV as I'm puttering around doing laundry. I then hear him climbing the stairs to my bedroom complaining that he almost choked to death and where was I? I simply rolled my eyes at this creature and walked out of the bedroom where he is now sleeping in MY bed
So I beg of you, if you find my husband please send him home as I'm not so sure who or what this thing is that is sleeping in my bed - Thanks So Much!!
Missing husband . . .
Have you ever noticed that it happens around the time of a full moon? My husband and the husband/boyfriends of some of my friends all seem to be in miserable mode every full moon and they talk about women! We've actually been discussing this. It happens every month. They pick fights or are just miserable in general during the full moon phase. *Sigh*
They found the missing Boy Scout
So I guess if your kid every gets lost or goes missing - sm
you won't be going to the police because you don't like them, or if you are in a car accident or are robbed or mugged you won't call the police because you don't like them, or you witness a murder but you won't call the police because you don't like them. Boy, what an incredible attitude to have, police help uphold the law and order in our country, yeah, no one likes getting a ticket or seeing them in the rearview mirror, but you do go to them for help (at least most of us do, but I guess not you).
Madeleine (missing girl)
I always found it really, really strange that they would leave their kids alone and go off to dinnner in this day and age with all the bad things that can happen. Even if they were close by having dinner, those kids are all still babies! What mother in their right mind would do that? 
What is a 'suck jerk'? Am I missing something?
.
I had mentioned to her before about missing things
so this was the straw, you might as well say, that broke this camel's back. My hubs told me several times about things missing- I am not saying made from gold but stealing is still stealing whether you steal a pair of panties or my towels or cleaning solutions or whatever I have worked hard to get and why should I let anyone steal from me? And, bottom line on this, I brought her back over to my home to find the panties (I had placed in top drawer)- she opened the first drawer, the 2nd and the last and no panties- downcast eyes, never said she did not take. If I were accused of something I think I would speak up and say no, I did not do. She was the only person here besides me- and I let her "try to find them."
You're missing the point entirely.
You talking two separate issues, here, but feeling that one justifies the other.
It is unacceptable to lie on an application for insurance or misrepresent the truth. Period. Flat out. Regardless of any other situation you are interested in.
The rising cost of insurance is a concern for just about everyone involved. However, it does NOT justify lying, cheating, stealing insurance dollars and benefits just because you don't like it.
Geesh.
And by the way -- if you don't like other people's wealth, go get your own. You are the only one holding yourself back.
Labor Day menu - what else am I missing?
We are having ribs, brats, hot dogs, burgers, potato salad, deviled eggs, drinks, cake
What other side dishes would work?
The original post seems to have gone missing
so the answer now is to another posting, BTW.
you guys are missing the point, -sm
he has not been using the condoms, may 2 in 6 months, we have sex at least once a week. So if he had an STD or thought he did he would be using them. He had genital warts years ago when we first met, had them burned off a few times (ouch) and used condoms religiously so I would not catch them. To this day I do not have them and he has not had them either for 13 years. So while he cheated with his first wife of 12 years 2-3 times, not affairs, 3 ONS, while once is all it would take with me--does not mean he would continue to do so, some men do learn from past mistakes, some don't. It depends on the person, and as he is honest to the core, painfully so, I really feel I have nothing to worry about. If I am wrong one day I will come back on here and you all can say "I told you so".
I think you're missing the whole heart of the story.
Lots of us are ICs and have flexibility and freedom in our work schedules. We are busy professionals and het stay-at-home moms, and its quite a challenge, yet quite fun, balancing the 2. Not a big disgrace to our profession. We are pros and moms, juggling the 2 as we see fit and as we choose. Its called freedom, and working from home is the entire point for many of us, kids or no kids. I want to walk my dog and talk to the birds, fine - off I go and back to work later. I make the rules, not some invisible boss.
Steve Fossett missing after taking
off in a single engine plane. Reported missing last night, no flight plan made. He went out of a small airport in Nevada. He was the guy who flew around the world in a hot air balloon in 2002 and then around the world in airplane without stopping to re-fuel.
Pertaining to the little girl missing, Madeleine
Am hearing reports that from fluids the police are checking that possibly this child died from an overdose of medications- they are saying the parent(s) gave her "sleeping medicine" in order to sedate her so the father and mother could go out for the evening and the child would sleep. New channels are asking what parents would do this. I as a young mother was prescribed the same type medicine by my son's pediatrician because my son had his nights and days mixed up, wanted to be up all night and sleep during the day. I was told to put in a dropper with his bottle of milk each night. The mother and father here both physicians and they would definitely know what to use to sedate to get their child to sleep through. Just maybe used too much.
Well trust me, you aren't missing a thing! :) nm
,
You are missing the boat entirely and totally negative when you no NOTHING
He has more (material things) than you do and most men of 60s+. He has a home that he has worked to own -- not given to him! Material things do not mean much to me, however. I make my own living. He has an engineering and Masters degree. How many degrees do you have? He is very athletic! He has had olympic training. He is a wonderful man who MANY of you would desire and don't have. He knows that pleases a woman and EXACTLY what he wants in life.
Most important to me is that he expresses that he is a "God-fearing" man. There is NOTHING in life more important to me than that!
He has no kids -- not a priority in life for him. He is too wonderful to describe! I know more about him than you will ever know about your partner, because we COMMUNICATE.
Sorry for your skepticism. But I will take it with a grain of salt, as it deserves to be taken.
This man is an open book -- but not only that, but he hides nothing.
WOW is all I can say about him ! Have never met a man like this in my entire life! He wants to please me, and he is certainly capable of doing that.
You are missing the boat entirely and totally negative when you no NOTHING
He has more (material things) than you do and most men of 60s+. He has a home that he has worked to own -- not given to him! Material things do not mean much to me, however. I make my own living. He has an engineering and Masters degree. How many degrees do you have? He is very athletic! He has had olympic training. He is a wonderful man who MANY of you would desire and don't have. He knows that pleases a woman and EXACTLY what he wants in life.
Most important to me is that he expresses that he is a "God-fearing" man. There is NOTHING in life more important to me than that!
He has no kids -- not a priority in life for him. He is too wonderful to describe! I know more about him than you will ever know about your partner, because we COMMUNICATE.
Sorry for your skepticism. But I will take it with a grain of salt, as it deserves to be taken.
This man is an open book -- but not only that, but he hides nothing.
WOW is all I can say about him ! Have never met a man like this in my entire life! He wants to please me, and he is certainly capable of doing that.
The Missing Link, for obvious reasons (nm)
My apologies. I never meant to insinuate that love was missing
from their marriage. From what the OP has said, they have a very loving relationship and I am truly happy for her. I guess I just don't understand why he won't share how much education he has with her. She obviously loves him for who he is and not for how educated he may or may not be.
I had a dog missing for about 2-3 weeks and someone took him in. Eventually called me from big poste
nm
geez after reading all these posts I feel like I'm missing out on something good! LOL
I'm assuming you buy these toys online? 
why woul she then only vomit each month at the time of her missing menses?
When I was pregnant I was nauseous every morning for the first three months.
This was when it was a boy.
When I was expecting a girl, 2nd time, I was not
nauseous, but I may sense of smell got really whacky! I smelled things that weren't there.
That would definitely not be enough for me to consider it a marriage. sm
why do you all think you need some obviously lame guy to complete you? Is it just youth and hormones?
marriage
You are so fortunate. In this day and age, everyone is all about "me". My husband has no CLUE what it means to "work as a team." He simply cannot grasp it at all. He does what he wants to, when he wants to and how he wants to, whenever he wants to. If I ask too many questions he gets angry at me. I am now figuring out 15 years later that I made a pretty big mistake by marrying him. However, we have three beautiful children, and the one thing we do agree on is that they need both parents to raise them. My husband would argue the color of the sky if he was in the mood. He is contrary simply to be contrary. I give up. He gives me the information he thinks I need to have. I don't ask him for anything anymore because he absolutely will not do it (help with getting everything done, i.e., housework, paying bills, makign phone calls, etc.). All of the concerns I had before we got married (which I did bring up to him) have come true. I should have known it. People just DO NOT know how to work together anymore.
marriage
I think we are raising our sons to be "mama's boys" and not be the proper leaders they need to be. Plus, in this day and age of no boundaries, children have no guidance and absolutely no direction. My husband does not have a plan from one minute to the next. It is absolutely crazy. he cannot set a goal and reach it if his life depended on it. We just wait to see what he is going to do next. I honestly never know what he is going to come up with. He absolutely adores his children, and they feel the same. I have seen what divorce does to the children, I will not do that to mine. But sometimes, I just want to scream. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I have asked him to go to counseling, but he doesn't see a need (he has everything he needs). I will teach my children what to look for in a mate and the warning signs. Hopefully they won't have the trouble that I have had.
Marriage
Marriage is a relationship that you have to take care of each other first and always. He should always think about what makes you happy and you the same. You both should be covered at all times. There needs to be ongoing communication so you both can determine what makes things work for you. Most marriages fail because people don't want to talk and would rather "mind read" or assume. You know what they say about assume. You should always treat your spouse like he/or she is the most important person in the world and is first in your life. If you have someone that takes advantage of that and does not appreciate it, then that is not the one for you. Ignorance and immaturity takes kindness for weakness. A mature man or woman knows that that is how they should be treated and how they should treat their mate.
Second marriage
I'm planning to get married for the second time. My last marriage was 17 years ago and I've been on my own with my 14 y.o. son for almost 10 years. For my last wedding I dotted all the I's and crossed all the T's but I was so exhausted I didn't even enjoy the wedding. I think I have a mental block for wedding planning now because I never really thought I'd be doing it again. However, I have zero doubt that I want to be with this man. We both just want to be together and can't decide whether to just go on a trip and get married or have something small with our families and a few close friends. We think it would be nice to have our immediate families help us start our marriage off but I can't seem to make myself think about planning things and picking things out. Mainly I'd just like to wear a pretty dress (not necessarily even a wedding dress and definitely not an elaborate one). It seems if you start planning to have one thing it calls for another. I've looked at some of the wedding checklists and it makes my head hurt to think about picking out cakes, etc. I don't want anything tacky but I don't want to spend a lot of time on details. Any ideas? Also, what are your thoughts on giving your future husband a wedding gift. A do or not? Thanks so much for any advice you have to offer. I don't think we are going to wait long at all so I won't have much time to plan a lot anyway, which suits me just fine.
Second marriage
I live in Eastern North Carolina. There seems to be a lot of placed in Tennessee that look pretty romantic too. I'm browsing through those now.
Second marriage
Lots of great ideas. Thanks so much. I really like the iPod idea.
I think she needs to get out of the marriage - NOW!! (sm)
That could end up being a dangerous situation as well. I have had female friends from this type of cultural background who had to go into hiding from their own brothers to keep from being beaten to death for the crime of dating a white man. She really needs to get out now before they have children.
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