Always respond regardless that the response is
Posted By: trose on 2007-04-07
In Reply to: When an invite says RSVP - sm.
Unfortunately, many people think if they don't respond you are supposed to take that as a "No". That is just bad manners. I once responded to a candle party with a "Yes" and the hostess even said, well I just put that on their. You didn't really have to call. Go figure.
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how do you respond
A few times I've met someone from the same city I grew up in and I say I am from xyz area. They always say something like you are really nice or I can't believe that or something kind of degrading. How do you respond? I kind of get flustered and do not know what to say! 
I've met people from xyz area and we joke about living there. It's commenting on the conditions, not our personal character. It's not the same type of degrading comments like above.
This isn't a big deal but I would like to learn how respond!  I could just keep my mouth shut and think before I speak!  The first time it happened I was not expecting that comment. I was very off guard. I never knew people would judge someone based on where they were born/raised.
Would never respond to my son
the way you did. I don't want this to turn into a fight. I just think that everyone is different and I wouldn't assume something about that way I choose raise my daughter is such a bad idea. Being a mother is the most underappreciated job there is. What is wrong with a little support/ or at least not thinking I am worried about my daughter getting pregnant?
I would have had to respond to her.
It's not like your friend or the daughters are world class athletes, so in the grand scheme of things, missing 1-2 classes isn't a big deal. Some people take things WAY too seriously. Yeah, I've got kids in sports and the coaches act like they're going to be kicked out of the Olympics if they miss a practice. Be there or be benched. Never mind if the kids are sick. Spread germs all over the place, but don't miss practice. And the coaches act as if the sports are more important than my other kids and my job. Little coach dude with the big mouth, I make way more money than you do! LOL Tell your friend that some things are more important than athletics, like FAMILY and ILLNESS. Some people have really messed up priorities. I don't know why they're having practice on a holiday week anyway. We've got games and practice all week. What if we had wanted to leave town to visit relatives?
We only respond to what you post.
x
I disagree with you, won't blast you, but will respond...
In my opinion, the largest selling holiday of the year is Christmas...period. If these businesses want to peddle their products, then they ought not pull Christmas out of their advertising. That stinks. I don't think it was ever mentioned that ONLY Christmas be advertised. BOTH, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays could be advertised together. But, on the Christian side of things, I think that they went too far when they tried to lump every other religious holiday together to try to be politically correct and remove Merry Christmas, which is a greeting that has been used for many, many years. Also, Christians don't try to push Santa Claus out of Christmas. Not every religious holiday falls on December 25th, so that in itself seems inproper.
You don't have to respond, just food for thought
Did I detect possibly the real reason that this is upsetting you so much? Did you have something happen in your life that you regret? Perhaps sex too early or with the wrong person?
Is your daughter responsible in the other aspects of her life? Good grades/work/etc.?
Unfortunately, as teenagers we don't always make the best decisions - I made some not-so-smart ones myself - but it is from those decisions that we learn more about ourselves. I know it's hard to watch someone you love going full speed ahead into a train wreck, but sometimes we have to. Unfortunately, I can't give you the secret to how to "detach with love" (I've found, like the poster above, that Al-Anon meetings really fit with every aspect of life, and this is something they say often). Again, I don't know how to tell you to do it. Once I realized I could not control my loved ones or their choices, it just kind of happened. Maybe just really think about why you are so disappointed and, if it has to do with a personal experience, maybe you should share that with your daughter. It may help her understand you better and vise versa. Best wishes.
Thanks for taking time to respond.
x
okay. Willl not respond anymore. Thanks. Nm
nm
i meant to respond to you about the 2 year old
YEA TRUE STORY
those are the victims
it's really naieve of you to think that the only thing that happens when you smoke pot is you get hungry. it was a funny joke but overall certain situations are not funny
Amen! I was biting my tongue not to respond,
as it probably would have been in anger. And to have such a hostile spirit and then go quoting scripture. Whew. Does not give a good testimony, but you sure did. Thanks for saying it so eloquently and lovingly. The sinner in me also can't help but mention that the devil could quote scripture just as well as Christ. He was -- well versed --
yep, w/email today, no excuse not to respond!!
what channel, what time? I want to respond to that host in a negative manner
nm
Wow. I think this would be my response ...
I'd ask him what he wanted for supper and when he told me I'd tell him to go out and buy it.
LOL
Your response is what I have said all along
that being, people who are not there because of something they have done, but fell down on their luck, totally different. This is not covered under you do it to yourself type posts.
I did get a response....sm
the principal called me and said that 2 other drama students parents had called him about the same issue. The drama teacher did set a schedule at his insistence and sent it home with the students yesterday. It ends up that this is her first year teaching so I reckon' it's things like this that she still has to learn.
Thank you for your response! sm..
We have ordered one that has a built-in NTSC tuner that is supposed to get all analog programming as well as a built-in ATSC tuner that will take over on the digital channels. I'm anxious to see how this works. Thanks again.
Thank you so much for your response!
 It is the worst offender of my "falling out." I am seriously considering a reduction, which would hopefully take care of my problem. Thanks again for taking the time to respond!! I appreciate it!
In response
Thank you for your opinion. There are several reasons that we (my DH and I) chose the name that we did. The first is that we were looking for a name from both sides of our families, as my daughter has a family name and my other son does, too. The second is that my pop (step-dad) is a wonderful Papa to his grandkids, and his name happened to be one of the only names that were in both sides.
I do not feel that I discounted their feelings. They knew before he was born and never said a word about it.
My pop raised me. I love my daddy, and it is not that he did a bad job or didn't want me or anything like that, but he was sick and couldn't.
Thanks again, I do appreciate it!
response
I'm scared most days of the week with our kids (grown men), my husband's kids, grandkids and great grandkids ...It's nice to know there are people out there thinking of you and your daughter and trying to make good suggestions....Whatever she chooses, she'll be just fine. Cat
What can anyone say in response to that? (sm)
I read it and just thought "wow". I hope she makes it back safely. Your brother sounds like he is just trying to hold his family together while she goes through her crisis or whatever it is. I know someone who is behaving similarly to this and I don't understand. She is obviously being extremely risky in doing this. It's just crazy. I'm sorry your brother and his children are going through this.
In response -
I have a good job - I make over $50,000 a year working as a transcriptionist.
When I say "take care of me", I don't just mean pay my bills (although that would be nice too). I am very self sufficient!
In response -
I have a good job - I make over $50,000 a year working as a transcriptionist.
When I say "take care of me", I don't just mean pay my bills (although that would be nice too). I am very self sufficient!
response -- sm
hi. no. benadryl did not work. It does not appear to be an allergy of any kind. In my reading up on Lichen Planus, it did mention that corticosteroids helped some with the itching and the pain, but it never worked for me. There may be some homeopathic remedies on the internet, but you will have to investigate those. I have not tried yet, as for right now, my symptoms are in "remission". They did mention that stress tends to bring them out, as well. A person can be stressed about some things without really feeling stressed, but I have noticed also that when I am really upset about something, the symptoms will recur shortly after resolution of whatever I was stressed out about. I truly believe it is chemical-related and I am diligently attempting to de-chemical my home, with going "green" on everything. It is not easy, particularly with usual hygiene products, i.e. deoderant, soaps, etc. There are so many chemicals in EVERYTHING we use, wear, eat, that it is almost impossible to live without them. I know at the time of my last outbreak about a month ago, I had recently tried a different deoderant. I do believe that may have been the culprit along with some stressful situations I was undergoing at that time. I do not believe a regular medical doctor or dermatologist would be very helpful either, unless they really understand what Lichen Planus is and the symptoms it causes. My last outbreak lasted over a month. My mother recently had to stop using laundry detergent with dye and fragrence, as well, and I think the longer we are subjected to different chemicals, the more sensitive we are becoming to them. I hope your son begins feeling better soon.
I don’t see where your response had to do with anything, really. NM
m
Response
The son and the girlfriend both need to learn that adult actions have adult consequences. You teach people how to treat you. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated. Your son is 18 and an adult and he needs to move out of your home and learn how to be emotionally and financially supportive to his child. Video games are no longer a priority. Learning to provide for the child is. The young lady needs to get out of the passive/aggressive drama queen role and grow up also. It's not about either one of them anymore, it's about the child (should she choose to carry it to term). The child is not a bargaining chip for money and attention. Quite frankly, you don't need her permission you can go to court and petition for visitation. Unless they both grow up, you're going to get stuck seeing more of that baby than you ever wanted to--you will be the dumping ground when they want to do something more "fun".
Response
I don't think you are being selfish. Are your husband and/or son developmentally challenged that they cannot read a calendar or see and understand all the ads on news and print media for Mother's Day specials? Please do not buy into this. You teach people how to treat you. Who says you have big behind? Don't allow this emotional and verbal abuse. Set some boundaries so they learn it is NOT okay to treat you this way. You are not the man's personal shopper; you are his WIFE and that merits respect. You are are a hard-working MT, from reading your post it's plain that you are bright and articulate, and you do not deserve a reprimand from someone else who for whatever reason did not followup with his own mother. You have a lot to be proud of in yourself. Smile in the mirror and remind yourself of that every day so you don't doubt yourself.
Response
My response is actually not going to reference my own mother/daughter relationships. The reason is that my own mother is now gone, and my relationship with my daughter is good. The relationship I think applies to what you're saying above is the relationship I have with my husband.
He acted for 20+ years as if he was always right, and I'm just the stupid numbskull he picked up alongside the road for kicks and giggles.
I went along with his program for many years. I catered to his every whim, followed him around like a puppy dog, and cried when he kicked me around like an incontinent puppy dog.
Then one day I woke up.
I found separate interests (I had actually had those interests all along, but had stifled them because they weren't HIS interests). I nurtured those interests. I truly realized that I am a WHOLE PERSON whether he is there or not.
When I finally got that through my thick little skull, guess what happened?
He follows me everywhere now.
Funny thing....
I find that annoying now.... All those years, I thought that that was all I wanted.
Guess I was wrong.
So my advice to you?
Go ahead and start keeping your daughter at arm's length. However, never forget she is your flesh and blood. But don't let her get under your skin. You're worthy and valuable whether she believes it or not!
When you really truly believe this, her whole attitude toward you will change.
Trust me.
Thank you for a well-written response
Of course, there are parts of what you say I agree with and parts I don't. :)
In my case, I had to step in or the state would have taken the child. The dad was a bum...but when I look at how he was raised and the he** he went through, I understand how scared he is of even trying to be a father. I don't excuse it, but I understand it. I understand it all the way to family court where I will be getting a child support order against him next month <G>. Got one on my own daughter, already. My daughter was born with a mental illness and was a teenage mother. It was a time bomb that finally exploded in a world of drug abuse. But to treat the addiction without the mental illness will never result in a productive member of society. So...that being said, holding these 2 parents accountable is futile...other than financially (okay, even I laugh at ever seeing any of that money). They are infrequent visitors in my GC's life. That is simply the way it is.
I look at European countries and see multigenerations living together even still, where the older family members help raise the young children so the parents can support the entire household. That was what I meant about a community raising children. We as Americans don't function in that way overall as a society. We splinter and break apart and when young adults need help, often it means the children go somewhere else (usually aunts, uncles, grands). Sometimes in divorce, one party has more _power/control_ (usually due to finances) and has a greater say in how, who and where the children are raised. I suspect there is some of this dynamic occuring in the OP's life that she felt she couldn't share. (My story is out there...but some are not as open). Some divorced people use children as pawns, and this, too, is as sad as parents who cannot take responsibility for their offspring.
But I do fully support any parent, who for the sake of the children, can try to enrich their young lives and teach them tolerance, patience, forgiveness, acceptance, and learn how to deal appropriately with situations so that they can grow into strong, proud adults. I suppose my point in all this was in my original response. Bad things can be found everywhere...but if we can teach our children how to deal with them in a positive way, we have given them the gift of maturity.
Thank you for your response. I did appreciate reading it and respect what you had to say.
LOL................very funny response!!!!
 
My take on your husband's response is...
For him to have made this response, that "I think she wants me," after your having told him that there was a potential job opening that seemed attractive makes me think your husband is insecure. For a man to mouth those words to his wife, whether true or not, is a sign he is trying to attract your attention, in my mind. I say this as I think that if she were coming on to him, you'd have picked up on it first of all and secondly, she'd certainly not want the wife of a man she was giving the proverbial wink to, working with her at the same company.
Is he depressed or is he possibly feeling insecure because he has to rely on your income and he knows you are not satisfied in your job situation, I wonder?
See response to your above post
The strange response is actually yours
or you didn't get the sarcasm/humor of my post. Ever hear that saying? lol
agree with other response-
my mom says things to me that sometimes take me aback - like talking about moving further away (from all three of her kids - I am closest in distance - 2 1/2 hours) so that it will be impossible to see her at all - I don't get to see her much because I work 2 jobs to make ends meet - I don't know whether she is trying to make me feel guilty - my dad died a little over a year ago - and I was there once a week for a couple of years - so I think I did everything I could and refuse to feel guilty - I just think that older people sometimes get a little like 2-year-olds - they may be a little depressed, a little self centered - they just don't realize how much they hurt us - but they are gone before we know it - I just bite my tongue and don't respond, and then act like nothing happened.
it's an overwhelming response
in here. I think we may have to do some second thinking if we're going to buy that house or just wait a little more before we get stable. We're just thinking about the welfare of our baby, like living in a comfortable place, not getting sick, etc. I forgot to say that it was our net income, excluding taxes, health insurance, etc.
Just saw this, response inside..
First of all, I do want to say that I respect your opinion and appreciate what you have to say.
I do live with the choice I made, and I even agree with living with the consequences. There are two things I disagree with, however:
1. Family is the most important thing in life. If they are hurt, angry, dissapointed, they should have come to me but they chose not to, and that breaks my heart the most. In the same line of things, as a mother my job is to protect my family, and pretnding my some does not exist is not going to make things better. Family is supposed to work things out.
2. I am not a self-centered person. It is your right, of course, to view me that way because you only know of me what you have read here. Had I ever dreamed, even for a moment, that my family would have been hurt by this I would have reconsidered.
I am sorry that you feel like your brother's existance was erased. Have you talked to them about it?
I guess my whole point is that my family relationship should not ever have been damaged by a name. That makes no sense to me at all.
Naming my son after my pop does not mean I love my dad less. It does not mean that I love my family less, or that he has been "erased." It doesn't even mean that I love my pop more, and the people that do know me should know that. I think of my dad everyday, always have and always will.
Well, I am and thought my response thru
and now know why they feel they need to keep up with them. I am very, very liberal in my thinking, being older has nothing to do with that. My son asked 1 time what masturbating was and I told him jerk,ng off so no prude here- regardless my age, think invasive and so did my daughter -in her 30s. Next statement......
My response to your responses, etc.
First of all I am glad so many of you used this board to share your feelings on this issue of hating cats. I have read each one of your posts a few times over and agree wholeheartedly. I have also felt that this issue goes a lot deeper than not liking something with 4 legs and a tail that meows. That is why I brought it up. It is frustrating to say the least and something I could never understand.
Some of the people I have come in contact with who make these remarks will also out of the other side of his or her mouth proudly state how they love animals, just not cats. The last time I checked a cat was an animal. I can certainly understand having favorites, we all do. What I don't understand is selective animal loving.
One of you posted that you feel these people are missing something. That really hit home with me and actually brought me to tears. I have missed so much in my life having no children, etc. I used to get angry over circumstances I could not control and actually felt I was being punished in some way. All around me are people with what seems to me to be everything. One thing God made sure I had all my life is the ability to love and receive it 100 times over from animals. It has literally been life saving for me. There is a history of abuse in my past, and this is one love I am not afraid of.
The post that spoke of cats being looked at as evil, the black cat at Halloween hit home, too. That post opened my eyes to a lot of things. My friend I spoke of who went shopping with me and shouted all day long about hating cats said that her mother doesn't like them either. It really does seem to be an attitude that in many cases has been passed down to the next generation. My mother, 90 years of age now, has always and will always have a spot in her heart for cats. She loves them dearly, but because she has dogs who don't tolerate cats she does not adopt cats. My grandmother as well loved them.
I guess when I see a cat I see an animal with elegance and beauty, an individual little soul that walks and cannot be heard or peeks between the railing of my niece's stairway and then very gingerly comes downstairs to sit by the front door. No one can expect everyone to love them, but the one post that said hate is such a strong word says it all. One post said how cats kill birds, etc. I don't like that either, but it is instinct. My friend had an English Springer Spaniel some years ago and called me crying, saying her dog was a MURDERER! She said she looked out the kitchen window and saw Daisy shaking a little rabbit. The rabbit died and Daisy went on her way. It is animal instinct, and nature can be very cruel sometimes. My mom sat at the living room window 4 years ago and saw a snake come over the roof to get at a bird nest we had been watching. We were anxiously awaiting the flight of the babies. It never happened.
Some don't like cats rubbing up against their legs, etc. I guess I could never hate anyone or anything that was just expressing love to me. I value what some others hate, and that's part of life too. I am not preaching, just letting some feelings out and learning a lot at the same time.
In my local shelter just a few miles from my apartment by last count about 5 weeks ago there were 500 cats waiting for adoption, and yet down the road from where my mother used to live year after year appears a sign in the front yard a few times a year . . Free Kittens. Like me, so many live in apartments, etc. that do not even allow pets.
Thanks again for letting me open up and let it out. It has helped, and hearing your comments has helped to understand a little better. I have a few little stickers on my dashboard that says it all. It is from the ASPCA. It reads very simply
We Are Their Voice.
God bless you and God bless all animals.
I am going to flame your response
for the part about not spanking. I am retirement age, my husband a few years younger and I just had this talk with an older relative on Monday. She was actually talking about her ex-DIL because she said her g'child needed to be spanked for totally out of control. My relative said if a person spanked or whipped they turn out to be abusers. I told her I do not fit that profile, neither my husband and that is exactly why the world is like it is going now. When I was growing up you didn’t have knives in the schools, guns on the streets, kids out of control and just wrecking things to wreck- people best get a clue and find out where they are going wrong before the kids completely take over.
What a compassionate response
Dogs are social pack animals who DO need ''roommates'' and companionship. How very sad for a dog to have such an insensitive owner, so lacking in compassion, she would put an animal in a cage (and that is exactly what a ''crate'' is -- no matter how much it costs).
What a great response!!
I would also like to add that when people stop smoking and drinking, does the OP realize that she will start paying the taxes that us sinners pay now for cigarettes and booze? Most people don't realiize this and when and if it happens, I would love to see her response then. Start saving your money....you might get your wish!!
Thank you for your supportive response
I am still wondering what to do. After talking with some of his friends he posted something like this about 2 months ago. He has an appiontment tomorrw with a pyschiatrist. He doesn't know about it, I plan on just checking him out of school. Maybe this is wrong but at the age of 19 I swallowed a bottle of pills. My best friend was the only one that suspected I might do this and she showed up at my house totally unannounced. Now as a mother I think about the pain that mother would have felt because had my friend not shown up my mother would have found me. I can't just sit back and watch. If this were drugs or cutting we would all step up and take action immediately.
This is in response to Puffing Away SM
***Edited by Moderator***
Please do not respond to locked threads.
What sort of response did you get?
.
Excellent response!
Short on time and brain is toast but hey, want to know, keep me in mind and I'll answer too tomorrow probably. I enjoy conversation, even at odds with someone, that is not like what I see up a little further on this page. Thanks.
Thanks for the response. I had no idea
sterling silver contained nickel!!! No wonder I'm itchy. I'm going to look for those silicone sleeve thingies at Wally World.
thank you for your response but in reasearching
what you mentioned I found dishydrotic eczema. What I have actually sounds more like that becuase my bumps are clear, there is no color to them as with lichen planus. It happens on the hands and feet mostly. Of course no real treatment for them.
But again, thank you for your reply, had I not reasearched the lichen I would not have found the other!
In response to my post down below about the - sm
free childcare she said she had a babysitter for one, and the other said home alone at 8-y/o.....as she put he was a latch key kid.
Response to Busy MT'ing
Love your post. In fact, I copied and pasted it in a personal folder under "Parenting". Thank you -- it's very clear and concise, EXCELLENT advice.
I'm a single parent of an 11-year-old (my two sons who are 25 and 21 are no longer living with me). My daughter is well behaved (I'll eat my words, I'm sure) right now; but I know that with the preteen and teen years, I'm going to have my hands full w/her.
One more thing I'd like to add to your post is to be sure to watch all computer activity. The Internet is a dangerous place for developing minds if used in a negative manner.
Thanks again!
In response to the above poster. I know where you are coming from.
x
Cute response but he does all the cooking!- sm
See above, I know I am not alone in the man having no clue/too lazy department. I love some of the responses up top though. I'll keep them in mind.
Word that comes to mind in response to you is
an enabler. Oh look how cute that is, Jr. just burped. Cute at this age and when he gets older and does the same in company, not so cute then.
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