All spanking does is make kids respect you to your face (sm)
Posted By: just creates sneaky kids NCMT on 2007-12-07
In Reply to: Your problem is - Kids!
it does not teach them anything at all. When my kids were very young and I could not reason with them, they did occasionally get a swat to get them to listen to me, but once they are old enough to reason, there is no reason to use physical force on them. I am telling you, all it does is raise sneaky kids.
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spanking builds fear that you mistake as respect
A child who has been abandoned by both parents has no trust in anyone. Why do you think spanking is the right way to build trust? We just need to agree to disagree on this issue. I trust the counselor's recommendations more than yours as hers have proven to work. Spanking does not _make_ ALL kids do good. Sigh.
Make the sandwich open-face, no butter for grilling, or just wrap
s
Something you can make for kids if you don't sew(sm)
My son put on his Christmas list this year "another blanket with love in every knot." Two Christmases ago, I made each of my kids a blanket "pocket" they can get in. You're probably seen the blankets that are fringed and knotted all the way around? I did two of those only left the top open so they can get in. I bought two of the soft throw blankets with pictures (at the time Strawberry Shortcake for daughter and Mucha Lucha for my son) and then went to the fabric dept and bought a solid color blanket material that matched the picture. Cut fringe on three sides and then knotted it all the way around. I told them that I had put love in every knot. They LOVE them. Have never used anything so much. They sleep under and sometimes in them at night and bring them with them in the mornings when they first get up so they can snuggle up in them. My son has outgrown Mucha Lucha so he wants a new one with a checkerboard on the front. So I'm making more this year - it's great for me because I not extremely domestically talented, and the kids love them because I made them.
your kids could make cards, etc...(sm)
draw him as an angel watching over his family or something.
or you might look up angel crafts on the net and find a project they could make and give the family.
I can't believe you just wrote it's not okay for your kids to make mistakes.
"Just becuase UGU all forget things and make mistakes does not mean that my children need to be raised to think it's ok to do so."
Good god, I hope I never meet you or anyone else with your twisted sense of right and wrong.
Should I make the kids sleep over at Grandma & Grandpa's? (sm)
 My MIL frequently asks for my children to sleep over. In the past, I would force them to go a couple of times a year. The problem is they cry and beg me not to make them go, even now when they are 7 and 10 years old. My MIL is a good person, but she doesn't ask them what they want to do, she tells them what they are going to do. "Now you are going to help me make cookies, then we are going visiting." She doesn't do anything bad, but their home really is incredibly boring. They are very active in their community..but it is sort of "all for show" and they like to take the kids around and "show" them to everyone. I do understand this, but you would not believe the begging and pleading and crying I get from the kids not to have to go. Would you make them go? If so, how often?
Absolutely, but I shake myself out of it quickly to make it a happy time for my kids and hubby. nm
x
Spanking.
spanking versus ISS
Here is a quick question for all of you that think that the spanking from the school is okay and before any of you make any snap judgements, I was spanked as a child and when my children were smaller, they too were spanked(BY THEIR PARENTS)....Do you all realize that this school that uses these "swats" as punishment, would be on the phone immediately if they saw you or found out that you "swatted" that same child as punishment for deeds done wrong at home? Since nowadays they want to tell you what you can and cannot do as a parent to acutally parent your child( and then of course complain about said kids nowadays), that by alloing them to do something to your child that they would gladly report you for is quite ridiculous.
How long is this ISS. For five tardies..it sure as heck shouldn't be a whole day or even a half day..it should be something realistic. Yes, I do know what it is like to have to deal with school principals who are jerks, just remember that this is your child and not theirs and that it is your job to look out for them.
If you really feel that just to get this over with right now, you want to let them swat her, that is your choice but since she is so obviously not interested in ISS, I would definitely make sure that she and the school knows that this is a one time pass and yes, I too would either make her do some work around the house or take something away if only for the hassle.
Btw, five tardies in 4 or 5 months is really not that terrible IMO. That is about one a month. My goodness, we all assumed it was cause she talks anyone think that maybe the girl had to use the bathroom during her time of the month. I would also find out when she was tardy and how tardy. My son was given a tardy cause the bus was late getting him to school and I called and let them know that that is not acceptable in my book. They had given several kids on his bus tardies and after several phone calls and a check with the bus company, the tardies were removed. Yes, if my son had been chatting or something, I would not have bothered to call, I would have just remind him that tardiness of his own making is not acceptable.
Best of luck.
The problem with spanking (For me) is that
my kids don't seem to think it's a big deal. My husband piped in because I don't hit hard enough (true perhaps, I value my hands!). I don't want to be swinging a bat though! I suppose an inexperienced spanker should just find an alternative punishment.
So I guess I mean spanking is OK for certain circumstances IF your hand gives a good smack!
spanking, not beating.
Teens this day and age have no fear, of anything, it seems. Back in my days of growing up, just the thought of my parents finding out I did something I wasn't suppose to, was enough for me to keep myself in line.
And NO, we were never beaten, but did get a few pats with the belt, which were far and few inbetween.
You say spanking does not build trust?
It sure makes a kid do good, though. I would not raise my kids to be terrors and surely not with g'kids. I just do not have it period.
You can get in trouble for spanking with an object...
I'm not against spanking when appropriate, but I used to work as a legal secretary and saw people get child abuse charges for spanking with belts. I think if you use a bare hand it is legal, but the law probably varies from state to state. Just wanted to warn you!
Spanking just taught my child it was okay to hit.
We never spanked our kid until he was around 2.5. Then dad got fed up with his behavior one day and spanked him. We also tried swatting him on the hand when he did something bad. Now my son has decided that hitting is what we do when we are mad and now hits me whenever he is upset. He never did this until he started receiving spankings. I really don't think spanking/switching is the answer and just sends the wrong message to the kids. But that is just my opinion and I realize everyone is entitled to raise their kids as they see fit.
I don't automatically think spanking is abuse
said it was okay to give 'em the belt. That is abuse, plain and simple. If you feel a need to spank your child, then do it with your own hand, not another object. It's too easy to hit too hard with an object because you're not feeling the pain you're subjecting them to.
As for the gov't interfering, they have to because there are too many wackos in this world that do beat their kids to a pulp. If they all parented with a little more sense, like you obvioulsy do, then I would agree that the gov't shouldn't interefere, but unfortunately the wackos of this world don't care.
It sounds to me as if you're raising some wonderful children. You've definitely offered up some very good advice. I saw no where in your post where you said that you've used a belt, and I'm not saying that you did. I'm simply referring to the OP that started this thread that beating with a belt is abuse.
Well I figure I can make my own hours & be home when the kids are home (sm)
I worked PT in an office for a while but spent most of my money on childcare in the summer. Full-time in an office was just a nightmare and I felt like I missed a whole year of my children's lives. I want to be in control of my schedule so that's why I'm looking into the cleaning thing. Never thought I would want to do that but live and learn! Some of the most intelligent people alive work as carpenters and similar things because they have learned what's really important in life. Whew....off my soapbox now :-) Good luck to you!
and he should respect her the same way
by not giving her a hard time for going to church. It has to work both ways, or marriage simply cannot work at all. What a difficult decision, I hope it works out for them.
With all due respect ...
to you, children *deserve* food, clothing, shelter, medical care, education/instruction and LOVE. Anything else is out of the goodness of their parents' hearts and what the parents can afford. This sense of entitlement is why so many children are growing up spoiled, self-centered and unappreciative.
No respect for new name...
I have a friend who decided several years ago to change his name. His family knows his name (not far from his old as say used to be Michael and wants a shortened version say Mike.) The problem is his family does not honor his wishes to be called his new name and refers to him in the old name. Here recently he had an aunt out of town who died and my friend's brother was getting some flowers to be delivered to the funeral. The friend said be sure and use my name, the other one and the brother would not, saying no everyone knows you by your other name and the friend let that go through. I have told the friend he needs to take a stance on this but how would someone else handle this? His name change took place over 10 years ago and still they do not honor this. Any suggestions?
respect is
x
With respect . . .
Having grown up in a devote Catholic family, and forced to go to Catholic school all my life many, many years ago I have studied many, many religions in my search for Truth. Even as a small, small child, I could not buy the teachings of the Catholic Church. It is an organization bent on interpretation of Christ's teachings, run by men, and a control tool for the public, especially women. The idea that the Catholic Church is the one true church is ridicuous. Again, the key word here is its interpretation. Interpretation is going to be different to different people and different cultures. The Catholic Church was the greatest proponent of reincarnation until the 15th century when St. Augstine thought it afforded mankind too ample a time for salvation. It was a mystical powerful church, but felt that imparting sacred mystical teachings was only for the select few at the top, not their lowly congregations. It plundered and slaughtered thousands of humans to convert them. But then so have many other religions in the name of God. This is the problem with any organized religion. Don't get me wrong, there are many fine Catholics, and many fine people who believe in it. There is but ONE sacred bond that involves onto two sides, you and God. Nothing could be more sacred. You do not need an organization for that. It is a sacred private matter, just you and God. No one else. No one needs to belive or follow an organization, or think that the only way to God is through that organization. That is ridiculous, and a means of control.
Not really about respect for yourself always (sm)
Getting over caring what everyone else thinks about you is a major milestone in life. Wonderfully freeing. I wear shirts that are too tight sometimes because like I said, I can't afford to replace everything at once and am hoping to lose the weight and not need to replace everything. Meanwhile, I do have some things to get dressed up in for those times that I do care how I look. But on a daily basis, I really don't care what anyone else thinks.
With all due respect, and I mean that honestly, (sm)
You insinuated that just because one may not communicate every gory and painful detail of his/her past to the spouse, love is missing from the marriage.
Relationships are complicated and I find no problem with someone whose past doesn't interfere with the relationship not communicating it. If the relationship thrives status quo, then that's between them.
Respect is what I deserve.
NM
With all due respect moderator
I really do not think this is the poster. I have read her posts and she has always been very nice and compassionate. Not that it matters anymore, the poster that was starting arguments went under the handle of Z. I admit I was also nasty as she upset me by calling me a "goof" and kept escalating the discussion which then became a heated argument between the two of us. I apologize for my involvement in that thread and should not have let someone get the better of me over something stupid.
He doesn't respect your
mother, and doesn't believe she will be "mean" to him. Therefore she will end up having to do what he doesn't believe she will do IMO.
We are lucky in that respect
If we lose power it is usually only for a couple hours. My in-laws lose power all the time though and usually for 24 hours or more.
We live on a county line too. Funny less than 2 miles down the road is where 1 county turns around. It is like a straight line the plow draws across the road.
I hope you don't live in Northern Michigan. That is sure to be a mess for your daughter to travel to. I hope she doesn't push it. It can be dangerous out there at a moments notice.
He should have respect for his father and
I did tell him last night that he was the one who made the decision to quit school, not us. We went as far as to walk him to the bus, watch him get on and when he got to school, he would go in one door and out the other. Sometimes he would even slip off the bus during another stop. When we went to court the last time, the judge gave us the option of emancipation after he looked at the records, so we did that. That way, he was responsible for himself and we would not be dragged into court again (it was our 4th time).
As for my DH not working, he states that he could find work if he tried. (He owns a tri-axle and we all know what kind of highway work is out there right now.) If he wants to get another job around here, it would have to be a coal mine or as an over-the-road truck driver being gone for weeks at a time. My gosh, DH will be turning 62 this year. Do I want him to do the above 2 jobs? He was an OTR for 32 years and he's all I have now, so that's not an option..
It's bad enough when he's gone from 5 a.m. to 8 p.m. when there is work, so he's no slouch and he has even gone to work when he had the gout so bad he could barely walk, while the son takes off work every time he gets a cold.
I was going to call him this morning (he's laid off right now) and tell him he owes his father an apology, but I think I will let it go for one last time, although DH stated last night he's done with him. I certainly don't want this to get any worse.
Respect or giving up your free will.
If she wants to go to church, and have that church a major part of her life, why should she give that up. He shouldn't have to go if he doesn't want to either. Sometimes divorce isn't a sad/bad thing.
I do appreciate life and have respect for animals.
I just don't think they should be shoved in my face.
I agree - there are many children in stores who should be taken outside to be handled. However, people are NOT animals.
Unfortunately, most doglovers cannot appreciate this difference.
Respect your opinion, but should only be last resort.
meow
I respect your opinion, but that beach is SM
very very small. During the week would be no problem, but forget about weekends.
Favorite South Florida beaches for me are 15th beach on South Beach, (but you have to have a great body! :)) and Hollywood Beach. That really is a lovely beach. Kind of cheesy boardwalk, but great beach.
North Fla, St. Augustine beach.
Sanibel Island also have really nice beach, but watch out for sand flies and red tide.
...staying when there's NO love and no respect for YOU. nm
s
Sounds like he doesn't have much respect for you if he can't
s
Fear, not respect. It's not the same thing.
And the fear only lasts until they are bigger than you are and can hit back. You'll probably be surprised when that happens and can't imagine where it came from, but you're the one who taught them that violence is an acceptable way to deal with problems. Some other things it teaches are that it's OK to pick on/bully/hit anyone smaller than you who can't defend themselves in order to get what you want and that once you're an adult, anything goes.
Think about it. You spank a kid for hitting a sibling while telling him it's not nice to hit. You break the hair brush/ruler while paddling your kid for breaking something but you suffer no consequences for breaking something. What you get is confusion and fear, but not respect. Maybe the kid turns out OK; after all, there are other influences in his life. Maybe he doesn't. And if he doesn't, I hope he doesn't have a gun.
I really lose a lot of respect for the candidates
that talk back to the judges. I know that Simon can be very mean, but it is not like these kids don't know this. I think the singers should bite their tongue and just try to take the comments and try to improve their singing next week.
Yeah, E! is a little outdated in that respect!
Sometimes it cracks me up.
No,. that's not me. My children love and respect me.
and vice versa.
They know that they can come to me with all their problems and we talk about it and we sort them out together. They know exactly that there are boundaries. I would never forsake my children, never! And neither would they, because I set the example.
...You do for one another out of love and respect, not because you feel you "should"
s
I agree, they should receive more respect from students
and parents alike. I just don't believe they are underpaid for the actual hours they put in.
Agree. He's a pig and has totally no respect for you. Move on. nm
s
Be strong - your parents should respect you as an adult
Instead it seems like they are treating you like a child, expecting you to cater to their whims.
You can respectfully but firmly say to them that while you appreciate having extra time with them, the plans to go to your in-laws were made long ago and you have to respect them, also.
I'm sure your parents were aware of all this when they changed their plans. Just don't let them guilt you into doing something you will regret.
Stand strong, sista!
Respect is earned, not demanded, and certainly not an entitlement. nm
f
The purebred was a rescue. The others are half-husky. I respect
several books on wolves. They're not "pets" like most people have, she has a sanctuary.
Deeni, I respect your opinion, but I held both my sons during circumcision......sm
my dirtly little secret, I used to be an LPN and CMA, used to surgical technology. It takes seconds, and while I had silent tears and I worried and fretted, but they were fine, and Nola is not misinformed here, being in clinical practice for years, and working for general surgeons, I saw many men, some in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, who had infection after infection because they could not retract the foreskin the right way, phimosis is painful and can become precancerous, and yes, we had some gentlemen with penile cancer. As I said, I was able to snuggle and nurse my baby boys both times right after circumcision, no problems. Men's anatomy is so different (!!!!) from female's (duh), so you cannot compare the unsterile, crude labial circimcisions done in third world countries with what is done in hospital for our baby boys. Anatomy just dictates this. I was so glad when my daughter was born, it was not even anything to worry about!
Egg on his face as in him saying
that the YOUNG women were going to go in droves to vote for her as they did not want to take care of their own selves, either getting a husband to take care of them or else having government to do. I know older women voted that way, their choice but I said egg on his face for making such remarks on and on about how YOUNG women (under 35) were going in that direction. Has absolutely nothing to do with her leading- has everything to do with a statement completely false. Now are you still confused?
Egg on face
I personally know of at least 10 to 15 ladies that feel it is the man's place to take care of them and that is all they want out of life -- they are between 38 and 50. So now what do you say -- sorry I do not want this lady voted for because she is a woman, and I definitely do not want her leading us. But that is for the political board and not here. But egg on face -- you have some now.
Maybe take it for it's face value
and just accept it in the spirit in which it may be given. Only you know the relationship you have with her. She may have just gotten the proverbial bug up you know where and decided since she got a discount to use it. It may be an olive branch of some sort. Who knows. I'd take it as an olive branch unless and until she proves otherwise.
What Do You Have On Your Face?
I wear very natural looking make up - but today I was cracking up when getting read at how much crap is on my face.
After washing ::
Serum
Moisturizer (both things Dr Brandt)
Face Primer (either Smashbox or Sephora brand depending on mood)
Foundation (tarte with SPF 30)
Blush/Bronzer
Eyeliner (MAC)
Kohl (MAC)
Mascara (fiberwig)
No lipstick- allergies.
What is usually on your face???
Face
Usually nothing more than a little chapstick since I work from home. If I'm leaving the house, a little foundation but right now, nothing. I even forgot the chapstick this morning LOL.
Face Creams
I was wondering if any one has any good suggestions for face creams. I use to use the Mary Kay face cream line, but I would like to try something else. Any suggestions?
Thanks!
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