Agree, you need a helping hand
Posted By: OldMT on 2009-05-25
In Reply to: How much help do you have? Mother, hubby, - truffle
When my sister had her first baby, she became overwhelmed quickly. You sound similar to how she was feeling. So my mom and I started helping her out here and there, going over and staying with my nephew so she could leave the house for a couple hours, even if it was to grocery shop or run errands, just so she could get out alone. Or we'd go get him and take him to our house for a couple hours, with instructions to her to TAKE A NAP or read a book, or something relaxing. If you have family or friends willing to help out, take them up on it. They wouldn't volunteer if they didn't want to do it.
My sister's husband was helping out too, but he worked a lot of hours, 6 days a week. In my sister's case, she was very independent and used to doing what she wanted when she wanted before the baby and I think that was part of what overwhelmed her, the feeling that she couldn't just pick up her purse and go somewhere as easily as before. Good luck. This will pass, don't be so hard on yourself.
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Agree, you need a helping hand
When my sister had her first baby, she became overwhelmed quickly. You sound similar to how she was feeling. So my mom and I started helping her out here and there, going over and staying with my nephew so she could leave the house for a couple hours, even if it was to grocery shop or run errands, just so she could get out alone. Or we'd go get him and take him to our house for a couple hours, with instructions to her to TAKE A NAP or read a book, or something relaxing. If you have family or friends willing to help out, take them up on it. They wouldn't volunteer if they didn't want to do it.
My sister's husband was helping out too, but he worked a lot of hours, 6 days a week. In my sister's case, she was very independent and used to doing what she wanted when she wanted before the baby and I think that was part of what overwhelmed her, the feeling that she couldn't just pick up her purse and go somewhere as easily as before. Good luck. This will pass, don't be so hard on yourself.
Agree, you need a helping hand
When my sister had her first baby, she became overwhelmed quickly. You sound similar to how she was feeling. So my mom and I started helping her out here and there, going over and staying with my nephew so she could leave the house for a couple hours, even if it was to grocery shop or run errands, just so she could get out alone. Or we'd go get him and take him to our house for a couple hours, with instructions to her to TAKE A NAP or read a book, or something relaxing. If you have family or friends willing to help out, take them up on it. They wouldn't volunteer if they didn't want to do it.
My sister's husband was helping out too, but he worked a lot of hours, 6 days a week. In my sister's case, she was very independent and used to doing what she wanted when she wanted before the baby and I think that was part of what overwhelmed her, the feeling that she couldn't just pick up her purse and go somewhere as easily as before. Good luck. This will pass, don't be so hard on yourself.
I agree. Hand him the headphones to have a listen. And stress how
s
Jewlery making kits/supplies? Can you teach them to knit or crochet? Hand sewing? Hand-made
s
Well, VR is helping to pay
my bills so if I have to change mistakes that VR makes, so be it. Dictators make mistakes when dictating and guess what, you still have to change it....
LOL It went well. Thank you to everyone for helping!
I felt bad because none of the friends or extended family that she invited showed up. They all called to cancel.
We did not have leftover Turkey but plenty of desert and rolls. She bought 45 dinner rolls?! I think some of you are right that this is the beginning of sundowning for them. I will have to explain this to my husband because he just thinks they are losing their minds. I heard from another family member that MIL has a stash of a case candy bars in her closet and yesterday she went in the bedroom for cookie sheets to put the biscuits on. A little odd, especially being that they have extra storage area in the basement.
I think FIL took it as it was just that much less food that cost him money because he was so happy that I brought as much food as I did and kept saying how much he loved the veggie tray, etc. I think MIL was a little miffed when I got there because she didn't have room in her oven for the sides that I brought (or hers) because the single turkey breast was in the oven. There was enough room, she just didn't want to use the second rack in the oven for some reason. She didn't like my suggestion that if it was cooked to take it out of the oven and cover with foil and it would stay hot for 20 minutes while everything else finished. Luckily my BIL (who loves to cook) was there and he agreed with me and stepped in to help her out. You know I get the look like "stay the heck out of my kitchen and keep your opinion to your self" and afterwards he gets the look of "You have always been my favorite child, thank you" LOL But I understand things are different with moms and their own kids versus the spouse, especially with females.
So overall it turned out well and everyone had plenty to eat. We didn't have to run out for burgers or home for dinner.
You are a power of example by helping sm
When I was younger, I would not only cry, sometimes I would not attend or attend and not sleep for days. I think being in the MT business made me realize how short life is. I am amazed that now I look at death in a different way. I cannot believe how I have changed. Most of my friends were brought up to wear black, look sad, cry a lot. I was brought up to avoid it, stay away from wakes and funerals; so could not handle it. Thanks to transcribing so many autopsies, horrible situations, illnesses, educational seminars on death and dying, etc., I am finally able to celebrate life. I do have others now not understanding why I do not cry. It's a miracle to me that I don't have to act that way anymore. I think with age and experience, I have matured. I have a friend who barely worked outside the home. Her Mom died in July and she did not put up a tree, send cards, etc., this Christmas as she is still in mourning officially. I lost my younger sister, put an angel out front, white lights, etc. I did the same for my parents, lots of white lights. I do believe now in celebrating life. I spent the days before my father's funeral preparing a "program" for his funeral which was beautiful. I included my whole family in the funeral, chose the music, etc. This would not have been possible in my younger years. My SIL was confrontational when she saw me at work during the time we were awaiting the funeral (it was over a holiday). I told her I was t preparing for the funeral. There will be some whose family tradition is to cry, wear black, shut out the whole world for 30 days, that's their way. I am so happy that I now have a (what I consider) healthier attitude toward death. I cannot believe the change in my attitude. Perhaps we all celebrate life differently. I, for one, am happy I look at things differently. When people cry, mourn, carry on, it's probably their tradition and it will continue as this is what they are used to. They are not wrong to do so. My DIL's family all wear solid black and God forbid anyone even wear a white blouse to a funeral, it is considered disrespectful! All I know is, I love the new me, I am much happier today now that I have a different attitude. I hope people celebrate my life, not stop living. I am writing my own obit, short and sweet and will probably plan my own funeral instead of leaving that task to my kids. I celebrate the life and spirt left behind, but do not disrespect those who continue to wear black and cry, as that's the only way they know how to mourn and it's not wrong. We're all different, it takes time and sometimes traditions will never change in some cultures, they are entitled to their actions and opinions, it took me a long time to change but I am much healthier and happier now. All of this is IMHO, of course. You are doing your best in your own way, good job, we need the "doers" in times of grief as well as the mourners. I would rather be a doer and feel better "doing."
Oh, thank you for helping those dogs
get home. I'm sure they had a wonderful romp, and I'm glad they didn't get hurt. They are really smart dogs. Mine got loose many times without somebody breaking into my house!
I now work at a perennial plant nursery. I am an inventory control specialist, and it involves a lot of physical labor, which I am loving. I feel so much better than when I was locked in a chair all day. So far this company is doing okay financially, but not great with the economy. Last year was tough because of drought, and this year there was plenty of rain, so we had hoped for a great year until the economy went in the toilet. Many companies like this are going bankrupt, but so far we are okay, but no raises this year.
Helping kids, see inside
I bought my daughter her first car, something old, sound, reliable and safe, nothing snazzy, she paid her own insurance as she was in college and worked parttime. When that car went, I helped her get her next, took her to my dealer, we picked out something reliable, nothing sporty, I gave her the down payment and co-signed and she made her payments and paid her own insurance. Her college was a commute, not roads I would want her biclying or skateboarding on. When she was older, done with school, still with the parttime job, but actively seeking fulltime, she found a sporty car she wanted and I told her this time, she was on her own. In 1999, she got brand new car (at a much younger than I did), she paid it off early, she is now married, 31, has a house, working a good job and also working on making a family. I think little help can go a long way. I for one, am pround of her.
My dream would be a weekend of him helping (sm)
When he and I and the kids all work on getting everything back in order. But he would be angry the whole time, as if he shouldn't have to be doing it. I may end up hiring someone. I have thought about it all day. It would be worth it!
Of course it is!!! Makeup is for helping people
nm
Glad yours are helping.....my computer
xx
If he starts by helping himself, I will jump in. He saw
x
Any suggestions on helping my puppy with
let to be held.
was wondering about you....glad you're helping yourself
nm
Well you are really not helping matters or having people side with you
when you keep bragging about how wonderful your kids are and family your family is, lol.. and assuming everyone else's is all screwed up. You know what they say.....usually one who accuses is the one with the problems. People who truly have a wonderful family life and great kids do not usually have a need to keep reaffirming and reassuring everyone of that fact ; )
I think maybe the boy sucked out some of your sanity...
:)
Prime example of "when helping harms".
 Like the previous poster, as a dog lover, I am appalled that they would use this animal. Are you positive the dog even had surgery and if so, what kind just out of curiosity. Are you sure your money went to that. I also find it odd that the dog would still be in so much pain several months later. Are you sure the dude is not taking the meds himself? It happens. Desparate times call for desparate measures. I would just explain to her either on the phone, email or write her that while you value your friendship with her, you feel that you have gone beyond the call of friendship here and that you can not longer provide funding for the dog's care (or her son's drug habit). Technically, by not taking care of his responsibilities himself this is allowing him to take what money he should be using on the dog and spend this on drugs. Therefore, yes, making you an enabler as well. Just like they do on the show "Intervention". You have to quit giving in. Tell her that if she is not able to care for the dog that you will be glad to find or help her find a home for it, but that you no longer can afford financially and consciously to keep sending money. Just validate your friendship. If she is a true friend she will understand this. She might need more encouragement to break away from enabling him. It is hard to do. Trust me I have siblings that are addicted and we have had to just cut them off, especially after loosing another sibling only 5mos. earlier for same reason. This is one of those times "when helping harms". Attached is a great site to give you a little reassurance. Might send this to her as well. Good luck. Try to get the dog out if you can, that may be impossible though. If you think that without your care it is being abused, please report it to thier local animal society or animal control. This can be done anonymously.
your Trailer Park attitude is probably not helping
nm
My husband was doing me a "favor" by helping me hunt down
a new ergonomic keyboard a few years ago and he called our local Office Depot... Asked the person on the other end if they had any erogenous keyboards.
I was choking back the laughter and trying to get his attention to correct him but he's the kind of guy that HATES to be interrupted for ANYTHING so he held up his hand to me and gave me a dirty look, then repeated the question to the person on the other end who was no doubt having a fit of laughter themselves, transferred him to another department, where he repeated the question AGAIN.
By this time, I could not control myself any longer. I was laughing hysterically and he finally hung up the phone because he was mad at me. Then I explained to him what he was asking for and he was really mad.
I just said, aren't you glad they didn't say that they had some and you reserved one to be picked up later today?
I could just see him walking to the service counter to pick up the "erogenous keyboard" he had set aside! LOL
Medicare questions for helping my relative
I have a relative who wants to live alone although she really needs some basic care such as grocery buying, food prepared, light cleaning in her home, going to doctors appointments, the very basics of everyday life. I will be able to pay through her bank what she needs for lights, cable and things like that (she has gotten to where she cannot make out a check because of tremors in her hands). She went to live with another relative and it has not worked out at all. She has been on her own for years and wants to be that way again as much as possible. Is there anyone out there who knows what Medicare does to help out the elderly and give me any information you might have.
I've decided to start a cookie business! Anyone up for helping me out with a name?
I know with the economy and all, it's probably not a good time to open a new business, but I've been thinking about this for years and just want to do it anyway and very happy and excited about it!
So, some words I've been playing around with are yummy, goodies, goodness, sweets, comfort, cookies ... but nothing is really grabbing me. I've even tried to think of ideas without those type of words above, such as "Big D's" or whatever.
If anyone has any good ideas, I'd love to hear them!
Yes this is getting out of hand....
it is getting out of hand by some of the posters who are disagreeing with others. I am the OP and I was only looking for opinion's from others. No fights, no trash talking...just honest opinions. I have received lots of comments and I have thanked everyone for their comments. Each and every comment gave me new insght to consider. It is really sad how posts from others makes me look like I am looking for a fight here! I have said in an earlier post that I appreciate all the comments and I am just going to write this one off as an extra-personable customer service experience! I do have a sense of humor, ya know! I am not looking to sue anyone! I was simply asking for input from others as to whether or not this was a big deal or not! I got mixed answers, but I am shocked at how out of hand that this has gotten! Please read all of the posts from the OP only if you would like to make an assumption on what my intentions are, which I think that you will see that I was only looking for opinions.
Thanks for your input.
On the Other Hand
If you never let up and the pictures don't work, she will do anything in her power to hide it from you. My mom has nagged me since the day she found out and that made me go to great lengths to keep it from her. My brother's wife did the same thing to him and he would smoke at work and not at home. Then, when he came to visit, he would take me to the store so he could smoke on the way there. 
I know she is only 16, but if she doesn't want to hear what you have to say about it, she'll just keep hiding it and keep smoking unless you two come to an agreement.
Good luck. I do hope she quits.
Off hand
I can only think of Susan Lucci, Barbara Walters, Suzanne Sommers ... many who are getting up there have better looking arms than I would expect. Of course, they probably have other tricks too.
I think the surgeries are a bit touchy ... it seems often certain things will look better because of it and others worse. I had my nose done (for instance), and my profile looks better, but I liked my old nose from the frontal view.
Another thing that scares me is it seems there are so many infections from hospitals nowadays. I think one has to really think it over for sure.
Thanks for the info! : )
raising my hand too..sm
and personally, due to the amount of money involved in ALL professional sports, I cannot help but think that most of it is one big set up and the public is being ripped off by feeding in to it, sort of like the professional wrestling teams. that is just a thought though, and not meant to stir up any one's irrational emotions about sports. I also think they are TOO competitive and families are pushing their youngsters into sports WAY too young, just to bring in the big bucks later in life. Part of my work is for a pediatric orthopedist and a youngster of 3 years old suffering sports injuries, in my opinion, is WAY too young!
second-hand smoke
With any luck the weather will be good and the party will be held outdoors....If not, take her out to lunch or make a special lunch/dinner at your house just for the 2 of you....perhaps get your hair and nails done together or just piddle around in the consignment shops...do something that the 2 of you enjoy. If you've known her since Jr. High or thereabouts, she knows how you feel about smoking and I don't think she would be offended. The 1-on-1 time together would proabably the best present she gets....and you get to catch up everything without interruption.
I know, I did it yesterday...Made chicken and dumplings from scratch and sauteed squash and a light fruit salad, watched a video slide show that my friend made on a Mac laptop of renovation of the log cabin that her mother was born in (narration, music and all).....Her daugter's wedding is coming up in 3 weeks and the young lady wants it to be at the cabin. Then we tried on mother-of-the-bride outfits she'd brought over, we critiqued, exchanged jewelry that would match. We talked for about 3 hours non-stop and coulda gone on for another coupla days just reminiscing and trying to work out the kinks of the wedding and chowin' down on comfort food.
Just an idea....Hope this helps.
I have to hand it to Lee C. Bollinger,
President of Columbia University. I listened to his speech and particularly liked:
“Let's, then, be clear at the beginning, Mr. President you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator.”
And his ending:
I am only a professor, who is also a university president, and today I feel all the weight of the modern civilized world yearning to express the revulsion at what you stand for. I only wish I could do better.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called Bollinger's introductory remarks insulting, (Well, duh!) What, did he expect....to be handed flowers and a key to NYC?
hand quilt
A baby quilt is not too large, so I would hand quilt. If this is your first, do a very simple pattern such as a window pane about 3-4 inches apart top to bottom, then side to side, or quilt around design. Get a good beginner's quilting book. It will really help you learn. Happy quilting!
Thanks to all. I think I will try hand quilting. Seems
xx
T hand signal
Wow, way back when I was in high school, if a student was doing this, he was probably on a basketball court and wanted a time-out called. What's next....
Hand claps. sm
I had a dog that went deaf. Bless her heart, it took me almost a year to realize she had gone deaf. She would respond to hand claps - I don't know if it was the vibration or what, but she would alert at hand claps when dummy me finally realized she had gone deaf.
The phone is yours, don't hand it in.
x
Are you going to hold his hand on the subway, too?nm
m
Do you know that about Cuba from first-hand experience?
I traveled through much of Cuba a few years back and unlike the other countries mentioned, there are no luxuries that fund education or health care...but, having said that, and stating that the country is very poor, many things that are in place today are much better than before Castro. The education system is quite extraordinary for those who excel in school and wish to take advantage of it and are true to the communist idealism.
The economy is now mostly based on its tourism industry, and still it is a bargain to visit there. This will probably change soon, though, as the government is investing heavily in building new hotels and resorts. They are working hard to build relationships with countries outside the US influence and are just beginning to tap those potential benefits.
Having experienced healthcare services while in Cuba, I must say that everything was top notch. I did have to pay for it. The clinics for non-Cubans are not free, but it is exceedingly affordable. What amounted to an emergency room visit and observation here in the US was handle with an ocean-side view room with cable TV, my own private doctor, private nurse and private pharmacist and including a week's worth of Cipro was less than $177 US.
Yes, there is a lot of poverty and third world hardships (my personal belief is there is no longer a reason to have the embargo and I am against it), but the people are wonderfully interprising, hardworking, long suffering, happy, friendly and very pround about how their lives are so much better now than under the previous dictatorship.
They have come a long way under Castro's rule (I'm not debating I think he is perfect, but he is very loyal to his country and ideals).
I am so sorry to hear that. If you re-think things you have it on hand. SM
I know Ray was reluctant, but having tried everything else over and over he went for it., Thank God for him, my niece and their son he did. They are all so happy, as we all are. He was very lucky and experienced no really bad side effects from it. His mom and dad both died of cancer, and he has always wanted to set a good example for his son. Ray Jr. turns 16 this month and always has said he will not pick up a cigarette after seeing his grandparents die and after seeing his dad's fight to stop. I pray he holds to this.
Always negotiate and do your homework before hand!
If you do some good internet research you can find out what the dealer actually pays for the car before their mark ups. I bought a new car several years ago and took this information with me. It was about $3000 less than sticker price and I only paid a couple hundred over this base price AND they went to another state to get the car that I wanted because I didn't want to wait for one from the factory. They will push you hard so be ready to stand your ground. Also, ask them to throw in license fees, plates, taxes, etc. in the price. Many places will do this if you finance through them and some will give you a gas card for $50, free oil changes, and what not if you ask at the end. Just remember, the worst they can say is no. You will likely never see this person again. I would recommend using your own bank for financing. If you use theirs I feel they use that to their advantage and finance you the sticker price and make it more difficult to bargain.
Second-hand and generic items
I am shopping for second-hand items at resale shops and buying only sale and generic items at the grocery store. I don't drive as much or as far as I used to to shop. I am working more hours, although for less pay as an MT.
I think the the crooks (politicians) who put the American public in this position should be prosecuted.
Would rather have someone hand it than e-mail cards sm
I only use these on occasions they don't usually make cards for. I send one to my bro for Vets day with Flag and music, he loves it but not for Christmas, please!
I do both ways, wash by hand and also
clean out food particles and wash in the dishwasher. I have no reservations about doing that. The only thing I don't like are family plates set on floor and animals eating out of those and reusing. Yuck.
I gave my daughter a hand mixer and...
you would have thought I gave her a check for 1 million dollars! She is a semi-single mom (deadbeat boyfriend who does not work, she does, but that is another story!) with 3 children who works hard at a just above minimum wage job. She gets by though. I asked her what she wanted and she said new pots and pans, a cookbook and a hand mixer and I got her all 3. I asked her yesterday what the best gift she got was and she said the mixer. Made me very happy to know that something so little meant so much to her!
lol, you're posts are getting a little out of hand with the duh post below and this one.
in a kinder tone. The topic is not the concern to me, it's the tone of your posts. Thank you.
Isn't it throwing the first hand of dirt onto the casket
Putting their body to rest, they loved ones toss the first handful of dirt? Maybe I am wrong.
Can't even imagine how Anna N. mother could walk on her daughter's freshly dug grave, never heard of such a thing.
There was a reason A.N. Smith was like she was and her mother may have been big part of it. That she had a multimillionaire daughter who didn't share the loot with her must probably made the woman insulted. Unevenly distributed wealth distorts close family relationships like nothing else can.
Anybody use a hand-held steamer for your ironing? sm
I saw one of those "infomercials" for The Tobi and was wondering if anyone used this or something similar for all their ironing, and what your opinions may be. TIA.
Gently hand wash it in the sink and let air dry outside. nm
x
glad you chose to hand quilt...sm
I've always felt that machine quilting was cheating...I like nana's idea of the yarn ties...that was the first one my grandma taught me how to do. Mommy also quilted and we'd hit the quilt shows where you have to wear white gloves before touching any quilt.
Recently went to the Museum of the American Quilter's Society in Paducah, KY (couldn't touch....it took all my willpower, believe you me).....The unique artistry and craftsmanship of each piece was breathtaking....a lot of applique and embroidery was employed as well...painting with thread and material...whoa! My friend and I split up and studied those quilts for about 1-1/2 hours and then we asked each other "Which one would you choose to take home?" Cat
what does arthritis feel like? -- blew out my hand
Last night, while simply reaching for a cup of coffee, the entire back of my right hand developed excruciating pain. Stiff real bad right now. It feels like all of the bones from my knuckles to my wrist on the top of my hand are all cramped and grinding. Loaded on pain pills right now, still pain. No health insurance. Could this be arthritis? What's it feel like? --- help
Is it tacky to hand someone a Christmas card...
//
Hand him a bottle of sleeping pills and say
nm
Talking on the cell phone requires one hand to --sm
be on the phone and not on the wheel, unless of course they use a headset, which most do not! They have less control of their vehicle.
Besides, it is hard to ignore people at other tables who are talking on their cell phones, when they have to talk so LOUD to be heard over the background noise, that you cannot help but hear their conversation. I personally do not care what they are talking about, nor do I want to hear it, but cannot help it. Personally, I think people who take their phones with them into restaurants and public places, and have them constantly ringing and talking loudly about private stuff, are just doing it for attention, and to TRY to annoy other people. There is such a thing as cell phone etiquette too, you know, one of which is to leave your cell phone off while in public.
I have a lot of pain on the fatty part of my hand just below the thumb. Anyone have that? nm
!
My daughter has hand, foot and mouth disease
She has 4 ulcers in her mouth and, of course, is in pain and won't eat anything. I put some cereal and milk in the blender this morning and she drank that okay, but her poor little mouth is really painful. We tried the saltwater rinses, but that didn't help. We have been using Orajel on the biggest sore, but was wondering if anyone has any other ideas for pain relief. She's been coping pretty good with the blisters on her hands and feet so far, but this is only the 2nd day. Hopefully, this will be over soon. Thanks for any help!
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