Agree with poster above. DO NOT take $ out of 401K...sm
Posted By: ex animo on 2008-07-07
In Reply to: Well, my better judgement said - Overwhelmed.
>> My H wants to take 15k out of his 401k and be done with it. He says we are still young and we can still make it up. >>
I was watching Suze Orman's show recently, and she had someone who wanted to do this. The woman was in her early 30s and wanted to take money out of her 401K to pay off $22,000 in cc debt, just to be rid of it.
Suze said NO, and here's why - taking money out of a 401K now, instead of at retirement, means you'll have to pay penalties (state and federal) plus taxes which will equal about 35%. So in order to end up with $22,000 (to pay off her cc debt), she would actually need to take out about $35,000 from the 401K! So it would cost her $13,000 to pay off that $22,000. Not worth it.
And if that isn't bad enough, look at what you lose by not having that $35,000 in your 401K for the next 30-40 years, earning money for you like it should be. At at average rate of return, that $35,000 would turn into around $353,000! So that's what it's *really* costing you. Tell your husband that and see if he still wants to do it. ;o)
Suze said we need to stop looking at our 401Ks like their our piggy banks/savings accounts. They're for us to live on in *retirement.*
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Have to agree with this poster
I'm no Bible thumping holy roller but I do know that if you TRULY understand what it means to be a Christian, you don't go in for the evil aspect of Halloween. I don't think what the pastor said and did is appropriate though. He sounds a little over the top to me.
I have to agree with the poster above
Your sister and BIL did not borrow the quad, simply agreed to bring it to their home because your husband was too tired to unload it. Sounds like the BIL was trying to be nice. Hubby was too tired to unload it, but expected BIL to do it himself at his house???
I agree 100% with the poster below - also...
You do not want to be his second choice. Either he is free from this other woman and available to date you in a proper manner or he is not. Him saying *things are not working out* is SO typical for someone who wants to play the field and still have the security of someone else. He has been with her 7 years, is not happy, and has not moved on??? You deserve so much better and do not need someone like him. Let sleeping dogs lie!!! 
I agree with first poster
At least this is a decision she is making herself. You can't change the circumstances, but you can help her find the best facility possible in her circumstances.
I lived 500 miles away from my mother, and when she got sick with non-Hodgkin's, it was very hard because I couldn't be down there to help her as much as I wanted. My son was 12 at the time and I had to be here with him, although I could and did go down and stay with her a couple of weeks at a time (my son too when he was out of school). And I was with her for the last three weeks of her life.
I know this is very hard for you. Just be with her as often as you can, talk to her on the phone as often as you can, and help her find a good facility that will take care of her needs. She sounds like a very independent, sensible lady. She understands that you love her and want the best for her. Cherish the time that you have with her. 
I agree with the other poster, (sm)
probably something "dressier" than "regular" business but not black tie, somewhere in between. Other poster is probably correct about them saying that to hopefully avoid too much sparkle and low cut or short skirts with the women. LOL.
then I would agree with another poster..
you should probably find someone to talk to about it..with your husband.
Have to agree with the above poster
While my mom is only in her 60's right now, my dad has already passed and I have NO doubt that when the time comes to take care of my mom, I will get little to no help from my 4 siblings. I think often the burden falls to one child and it would be in your best interest to get power of attorney and just do what you need to do.
It's not worth fighting with your sister when she clearly doesn't want to contribute much. It will just cause you more stress and as a result, more stress on your dad.
When all is said and done, you will sleep well at night knowing you did all you could for your dad. Your sister will be the one who has to live with herself knowing that she didn't care enough to be there for him.
I agree with above poster....
This is being blown way out of proportion. This is normal dog behavior. Maybe you should keep your child in your own yard. It would be different if this dog went into your yard and then attacked her!
I agree with this poster. nm
h
I agree with the poster below
Just because he is your future son-in-law doesn't mean he owes you anything. It sounds to me like you want to cause problems between him and your daughter because of this when you say you think she should have talked to him. This is between you and him. You asked for help, he told you what he could offer, take it or leave it.
It sounds to me like he made the comment about not having things placed or set up because he expects that you would want that. I certainly don't know your relationship with him or your daughter and do believe there are always 2 sides to every story and feel like we didn't get the second side to this story.
I don't say any of this to make you feel bad in any way. Your situation reminds me of my own mother. Except that she will do whatever she can to get things resolved before asking either of her son-in-law's to help and they are more than willing to do anything for her...she just knows that they work full-time, have a family, and life is hectic. When she does ask something she asks them directly (not through the daughter) and asks for bare minimum - she usually gets much more than that on the son-in-law's own accord not because he is obligated.
I agree with the other poster.
Unless its a kid that you know has been in trouble before, I wouldn't assume anything. My son is not a teenager yet but he says things that he just says because he thinks someone else will think its funny or cool...not because he is doing it or agrees. I also have 3 older nephews, in and just beyond teenage years, and they do the same thing. Two are great kids, they say things but clearly do not participate. Being the aunt they tell a lot more with honesty than they do to the parents. The other...well is just irresponsible. I think he says a lot to keep up with people too but wouldn't put anything past him if peer pressure is involved. Just his personality and demeanor says a lot.
If you sit down with a teenager and talk to them as if they are "adult" you would be surprised some times at the things they will tell you in honesty.
Agree with this poster, you cannot let
this slide. Also, if he is posting pictures on the Internet, in certain parts of the country schools monitor this and they can and have taken action against the student. You need to be firm on this and definitely discuss it with his father. So what if your son is devastated by his father's reaction, in the long run it is the best for him.
Agree with poster below that
you need to get out of that situation, especially after reading what you son said. He is being damaged, and I have seen firsthand what that damage can do to you as an adult. Dysfunctional doesn't begin to describe it. Take action ASAP. I wish you the best of luck, I know it isn't easy.
I agree with another poster. . .
You are trying to solve a problem by yourself. But the problem involves two people. Your husband has to participate in the solution.
My husband and I have similarly hectic schedules. We're lucky if we eat 1 or 2 meals together in any given weak. He's a horrible cook, but he can heat things up, pour cereal in a bowl, and make sandwiches. I love to cook. I prepare meals ahead and freeze.
Your husband may want to continue his breakfast social time. That's fun, and everyone needs a little socializing outside of the house. But for other meals, both of you will have to communicate and coordinate. He needs to call home, and if you are going to be the main cook, you'll need to start planning and preparing for quick meals.
It takes a bit of practice and a lot of communication. But you BOTH need to agree to a plan.
I agree with the above poster
I would get some Omeprazole and start taking that also. I find Miralax works great. Lots of water also!
Definitely agree with above poster, too sm
NO PURSE.
Money and license in FRONT pants pocket. You very well may find yourself in such a crowd/push of people that a stranger could be right up against your back, so put nothing in your back pocket.
Staying with a group is very good advice.
Oh, and don't pet the police horses, they're working!
I agree with this poster, however - sm
the G-spot is quite elusive I think....though it does exist. I have only had that experience 3 x in 23 years, quite amazing actually and totally different from a regular manually stimulated orgasm. I remember on my 18th birthday friends gave me the books the Hite report, which is a sex survey basically from the male and female perspective. It was quite enlightening to me as I had only been sexually active for about 3 months at that point and new nothing about the clitoris or masturbation, etc. and had never had an orgasm at that point as the 2 guys I had been with were not very knowlegdgeable or didn't care that I didn't have an orgasm (or assumed I did). I did not even know what one was then. But definitely get educated about your body and what turns you on in the genitalia basically. Sorry to be so graphic but that is how your body works.
Agree with above poster.
In addition to hydration, your puppy is probably being given antibiotics and anti-emetics. They are probably also monitoring blood tests and body temperature. If you vet feels your dog needs to stay, I would listen. Ask them to explain their reasoning if it is not clear to you. I treated many parvo dogs and the ones that left early always came back in worse shape and ended up having longer hospital stays in the end (unfortunaly some of them didn't make it at all). Parvo is a very serious disease for a pup, and I would think twice before bringing the puppy back home.
Sounds like your puppy is doing well though if she is eating and holding it down. That is a very good sign. Hope she continues to do well.
and I agree with both poster's responses....s/m
Sorry this is happening to you and esp this time of year with all the multi-religious holiday festivities going on in this country all this month....truly hope it ALL gets resolved soon for you!
Please...how ridiculous...I agree with the other poster!
I am so sick of this crap, everyone screaming RACIST if you even mention a race other than WHITE in ANY context. Perhaps it's you that is racist if you feel that way :)
Totally agree with this poster - sm
If he is maintaining his grades, not getting into trouble, give the kid a little slack. Let him grow up.
However, on the same note, I would also make it clear that when he does decide to take these trips to see the girlfriend, he is responsible for anything that could go wrong with the car. All a part of growing up too.
Hang in there mom. Take a deep breath and give him a little space.
I agree with this poster. For your own sake.
NM
I agree with this poster's mother - it is difficult
Things have changed a lot and obviously it is easier now than it was when I did it (dated someone from a different race)- but there are sometimes huge cultural differences, not only in different races but in same race from very different parts of the country. A lot of traditions that you find important - someone very culturally different (same for religion for that matter) may not. You have to be thick skinned and very committed. A good partner is hard to find.
I agree with the poster. Didn't care for it (sm)
My 6yo was bored with it too, and it just seemed too preachy. I get and appreciate the message they were sending, but the way they did it in parts seemed to be over kids' heads. It seemed more like a grown-up movie to me, and my daughter has not asked to watch it again.
I agree. From the poster below with opinion different than Wannie.
uio
I agree with this poster and so does Dave Ramsey. sm
Get your hands on anything of his and follow the recommendations. He has helped me greatly. As Reality Check says, and I agree, our economy is in dire straits and not having any financial worries will be worth the effort to get there.
Good luck to you and your wife.
I agree with poster below - maybe check thyroid. sm
A little over a year ago I had what I thought was a *severe* sore throat. Over the course of about a week, I also had a low-grade temp., body aches, headache, chills (but only off and off) then came night sweats, heart palpitations and tachycardia (142 bpm).
I thought I was coming down with the flu, or maybe had strep throat. The weird thing is that the symptoms would come and go, and were always much worse at night. I'd feel horrible at night, then wake up feeling pretty much back to normal.
I finally got tired of it and went to urgent care, and when they saw how high my heart rate was, they did an EKG and told me to go immediately to the ER. At the ER, they gave me fluids, but my heart rate didn't come down. (They asked me if I was anxious. Nope. Calm as could be, and felt pretty good right then, actually.) They drew blood, gave me fluids, etc. and found I was hyperthyroid. I was in the hospital from Sun. afternoon until Tue. afternoon (mostly so they could monitor my heart to make sure it was okay, do more tests, and give me some pain relief for the throat pain).
What I had is called subacute granulomatous thyroiditis. (Maybe Google it and see if the symptoms sound like how you're feeling?) They *think* it's caused by a virus (it's not an immune system thyroid disorder). So basically it runs its course, they treat the symptoms, you're fine. (Though a small % of people may be left hypothyroid and need to go on thyroid replacement.)
I had follow up with an endocrinologist, and he said he was really surprised the docs in the ER diagnosed me so quickly. I guess most don't. If they hadn't thought to check my thyroid levels, I don't know what would have happened!
Now the runny nose symptom you have doesn't fit with this, so maybe it's not your thyroid, but it's easy enough for them to check your thyroid levels and see. They sent me home with Vicodin for the pain, and I needed it! Whatever it is, I hope you get relief for your throat pain soon. I'm sitting here remembering how much it hurt, so you have my sympathies. :o)
I read all the comments and I agree with the poster who wrote
'One has to teach people how to treat you' and one has to tell people what is imoportant to oneself.
It is inexcusable not to call or meet one's mother for mother's day and Christmas, etc.....
401K what to do?
Should DH cash it in or wait it out?
I have no idea about these kinds of things so please speak simple to me.
yes, we can have up to 3 loans with our 401k
and we can barrow no more than half of what is in it. We have 5 years to pay it off. Unless we are using it to buy our primary residence then we have 15 years. What I worry about most with that is making my paycheck too thin. They are already taking out 75 a week for health insurance, 56 for the loan, 20 for a spending account I have, plus 45 to 50 for my contribution to the 401k, 3% of my pay/per pay period.
I had also thought about barrowing against it to pay off my morguage. I owe somewhere between 7000 and 8000 at 6% interest. I went to bankrate.com and did a loan calculator and they estimated 75 per paycheck. I pay 333 a month now. It would be less a month if i did that and that would make me an official home owner, boy that would feel good.
Also the scary thing is, too many people pay off their cc only to run them up again. Once my retirement money is gone, it is gone then what
401K contributions
WIth all this talk about losing money in our 401K did anyone stop making contributions to their 401K? I'm not sure what is the right thing to do. I look at mine and I'm losing money (not as much as some because I am conservative but losing is losing) so I wonder if I should still be even putting money in it. Thoughts?
We are quite happy with our 401K - sm
unlike many others we only lost 25% (about $100K). We are still relatively young, DH is 49, so have time for it to recoup. We have a Fidelity fund with 4 mutual funds and one bond market fund (that money is totally safe). In the last downfall of stocks about 5 or so years ago we lost $30K which recouped pretty quick. Though I don't see our boucing back for a while, we continue to put over $11K into it. Prices are low so in the long run we will do well. I think it all depends on who you have handling your 401K and what funds you have your money in. We are very careful and researched, etc. before opening each fund we have. Started with 2, and now have the 4 mutual funds and the one bond fund. At one point we were earning almost $800 a month in interest in the bond fund, of course that is not the case right now but at least it is still earning us about $300 a month now. It helps that my DHs father lives and breathes the financial markets, has a great broker himself, and passes the info onto us. He has never been wrong so far. it is a great way to make more money but you have got to start when you are 20 or so, the only way to actually have a substantial amount saved by the time you hit 65.
You had $400K in your 401K?
And how did you lose only 25%? If you had it mostly in bonds, how did you ever get it way up to $400K? After over 30 years doing MT, mine was almost going to reach $100K. Then the stock market tanked, and it's got less than $50K in it now. If the loss continues at the same rate, it'll be at $0 by about Nov. or Dec.
THAT'S why I'm not wasting any more of my hard-earned money in the stock market. Over my lifetime I've contributed more to the retirement fund than it currently has in it. I'd have been better off stuffing it under my mattress all these years.
I'm leaving what little I have left in my 401K for now - sm
(what's left wouldn't do me any good, anyway), with the hope that someday it will gain back some of what it lost. THEN, even though I probably still won't have as much as was in it before, I'll most likely take it ALL out of the stock market forever, and invest in something concrete, such as land (which even if it can't be sold for a profit, can be lived-on). The stock market has become so volatile and flaky that it no longer makes any more sense to put your hard-earned retirement money into that than it does to blow it all on Lottery tickets or slot machines.
Not sure what your question is? But my 401K did lose value sm
and it bothers me very much; I lost maybe 25K so it could have been worse. It forced me to diversify and take a closer look at bonds vs stocks, and other investments. Of course I would like to have more than 50K as liquidity and emergency funds, but at one time I was more than 20K in debt. This is a huge improvement in my life and a total change in mindset. It truly has created peace in my heart, to have control over what I spend and not be a tool of the consumer society that says "You are not happy unless you have the biggest, newest, brightest" thinga-mabob that we are selling this week / year / month.
You don't need to buy stuff for self-esteem. Being self sufficient lets me sleep at night.
I am "juvenile post" poster. "Looney" poster is some
x
not poster you responded to but that poster has
everyone with different opinions is allowed to post here and poster said they were making a contribution in the name of pro-peace....give that poster a break please....
What an awesome post! I agree, agree, agree completely with you.
 You are right on the money in my book! 
ya got that right! Poster DOES know or else she
She is 54 after all.............not a baby, not a young adult/teen who really needs guidance.
She knows this is DEAD wrong but appears to be *seeking* something from all of us, as she said she was posting *in a safe place*............meaning here on the forum.
We know right from wrong from FIVE YEARS OLD on..........she knows what she is doing is most wrong/incorrect.
I just think she is craving attention, personally......... 
I will go along with the poster below who --sm
said she was *dressed*. Actually quite a personal question and no one else's business what I wear or when. I notice you didn't answer your own question, either.
If it is the same poster, she is only doing sm
400 lines in 8 hours. I guess anything is better than that. That isn't even minimum wage. If it is her, then she definitely needs a new career. 400 lines in 8 hours is ridiculous. I do 400 lines an hour. These career is only for the hardy ones.
this has nothing to do with what the poster is asking....
nm
The poster was right....
you can't change your dad, just stay happy. But, you could invite your parents to go to church with your family - if they say no, just tell them the invitation is open at any time. You could also just cheerfully mention to your Dad that you saw such and such a job in the newspaper and thought it was something he might be interested in looking into.
You're wise enough to know you can't change another person, but you can give him a little encouragement - plant a seed and see if it grows.
Happy Trails to you.
But you would have if you could have, and above poster did try (sm)
So why are you both saying parents don't owe their kids help with getting through college? Poster A tried to help hers and jlynn would have helped hers if she could.
As the poster below said...if you are..
having a tough time making it financially, maybe there are better job choices out there for you. My point was that most people who whine about having no money usually have the brand new car or two and the payments, a huge mortgage, the latest tech gear, etc. We have a lot of nice things, all paid for, but we took our time getting them. We save where we can, but we aren't letting gas prices or grocery prices change our lifestyle that much and the reason we can do that is because we only have a mortgage to pay. We have made a decision that whatever we want to buy we will either save and pay cash for or charge it and pay it off the next month. As you get older you realize stuff is just stuff, it comes and goes, and the less you can get by on the better.
PS! The poster below was right about UTI's -
I lost my previous cat (a 4-year-old male) to acute kidney failure brought on by an obstructed urinary tract. In addition to being a male, which put him at higher risk, he was also a Persian, which get this more frequently than other breeds), and he ate ONLY dry cat food. Just would not touch any kind of wet food. Although I normally only fed him high-quality food by Royal Canin, I also made the mistake of letting him have Meow-Mix as a treat occasionally, for a change. That brand has apparently messed up other cats' pH balances, and I'll always wonder if I killed him by feeding him Meow Mix....
Although he never peed outside his litter box, he did start to pee more often, and in less and less amounts. It had been happening very gradually over about a week, and at the time I hadn't really noticed it. It was only in retrospect that I remembered... AFTER it was too late. Even though he was nearly dead when he was brought in, the emergency after-hours vet clinic saved his life the first time, and for a month he was completely back to normal! But then, overnight, it came back, and the next morning I found him lying in his litter box (another warning sign!) The second time at the vet's, they said the toxins from the first episode the month before had backed up into his system and basically destroyed his kidneys, so at that point I had him put to sleep.
So, long story short, especially with a male cat, don't take any chances, and be sure to have your vet check him out. Be sure he's eating at least SOME canned (wet) cat food, and if possible, it might be wise to eliminate dry food altogether. If you do feed dry food, be sure it's a top-quality brand (with NO ingredients from China!)
Once again, good luck and best wishes!
I'm poster from above... (it's possible)
You know the spots you see in pictures sometimes? You think it's sunlight or whatever... Well we took a family pic (SIL took the pic) and there was a huge spot. My son told me he learned about Spirit Orbs at school. Well, I think the Orb was my mother. I'm sorry, but it just seemed weird to me that this would appear in this manner. We lost my Mom about 2 years ago. The kids were very attached to her. She's here in spirit; my son said I think that Orb is MeMe (that's what they called her).
Also, my son (he's 14) had a dream right after her death that she saw my Mom (looked like me) and my Dad (looked like my brother) dancing. He said they looked young and MeMe told him "don't worry, I'm in good hands." My Dad died about 13 years ago (my son was only 5 months old). So, you see, kids deal and see things different.
Your son probably does see images or what he perceives as ghosts and it frightens him because he is so young.
The sleeping arrangements in your household is your business. Whatever works. I used to sleep with my Mom when my Dad worked nights, and I was probably in junior high at the time. My Dad worked shift work. 
The above poster is right
My brother went through this. He had to take half of his wife's credit card debt. But what you can do is contact the credit card company, after the divorce is final, and ask how much they are willing to settle the account for. He settled a 14,000 credit care bill for 9,000, if he paid it within 10 days of making the agreement with them. His wife and her attorney were pretty mad, but there was nothing they could do. She kept wanting him to just give her the money and let her pay the bill, she probably already knew what they were going to settle for and thought she could pocket the 5000.00. The credit card company showed the account as paid in full satisfactorily. Assets will be split including any pensions, 401K, etc., as well as cars, boats, property, any of that stuff. You can trade off on things, for instance not touch his 401K if you get _____?? and so on.
As for the kids, there will be a set visitation schedule which you both work out and the court approves of. If he doesn't follow it or if he doesn't return the kids, than he is in contempt of court. If there are problems during the divorce, the court will set up a schedule for visitations during that period if needed.
One more tip I learned. You want the best attorney you can get. If you don't know any, ask a cop or a few if you can. LOL, they know who the good ones are and who they would call if they needed one. They're in court and around the courthouse and know how things happen. Ask more than one person and get some opinions before you retain a lawyer. It sounds like you already know he's not going to be nice about this. Don't be overly nice about it either or he'll try to take advantage.
I don't think the poster is looking for
Family friendly. She went to "Couples" Negril. Sandals and Beaches are great if you don't mind family vacations.
lol actually i said it under the first poster!
because like you i work a lot and sometimes can only catch shows once in awhile... THe office is one that i love but dont get to watch often enough cause of work.
it is so up my alley of humor. but then again im easily amused.
I hate not following every week though you know. i never thought about renting seasons or anything cause i definitely dont have an extended period of time to just sit and watch TV... too much other stuff to be doing but you are totally right, it's a good one!!!
I will ask you as I did another poster above
I know for a fact your 401K probably very much dinged along with the rest of investments unless it is a bank 401K in which there are no problems there. Having 50K in the bank is ok and like you I am 100% debt free (except for my home). Our family was close to the working poor when I was growing up and did not even own a car. I never knew we were that close to poverty, though. I have only lived in my new home around 5 years now and already have it from over 200,000 to down under 90,000 so now a big majority of the payment going not just on interest. I was heading towards danger when I financed at first with interest only. Learned a lesson real fast with that and refinanced to what I call real payments. With my being independent now I am planning to see how to set up automatic payments to the IRS so that will go straight there every so many months and will not miss it.
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