After reading your most recent post I understand where you are coming from better (sm)

Posted By: NCMT on 2008-09-21
In Reply to: Sibling abuse - Need Advice

You are in a very difficult position...I feel bad for you and both of the children. It is tough to say what would be better. Being taken from your parents would be very traumatic for children as well. There must be some sort of child care they can find that they can afford.

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Sibling abuse - Need Advice
- If you are concerned about not seeing GC - jss
- After reading your most recent post I understand where you are coming from better (sm) - NCMT
- Feeling neglected - Lucy
  - Neglect - Need Advicevice
    - You may have to report it but not as sibling abuse (sm) - NCMT
- Well I see a couple of things here (sm) - NCMT
- an 8 1/2 yo baby-sitting a 6 yo? - .....
  - That's a good suggestion - - Me
  - Sibling abuse - Need Advice
    - I thought in most states kids had to be 12 or at least 10 -sm -
      - That's what I thought too until - SM
    - I hope I'm not out of line by asking this, - blind eye

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recent post
What are you thinking -- THAT llegals are NOW just showing up?? GET A GRIP -- I posted recently and as a WHITE female who is a military widow, got SUBSTANDARD treatment at Jackson Memorial in Miami -- I was SLAMMED because of the fact that I am actually a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution -- I have NO desire to learn Spanish -- my ancestors have been here for centuries

But I understand where they are coming from
because usually self-employed is an iffy thing and the bottom line is where you apply for credit wants to know with some certainty about will you be able to handle a mortgage. I am independent myself but since starting did not ever think about this coming up, of course do not plan on relocating or buying another home (only been in my new home for 3 years now) but being independent never crossed my mind about things like this.

I do understand where you are coming from
My MIL is a very big part of our lives and is very close wtih my son and daughter. That is all well and good but for years she would ask the kids if they wanted to go somewhere with her (like a day trip to a nursery or shopping without asking me first. If I said no we already have plans then I was the mean mommy. It took me several years to finally get through to her that I would really like for her to check with me first. She did this again last Sunday asking my son to go to a nursery with her that is about an 1 1/2 hours away. He is now 16 and I know we didn't have plans for that afternoon so I overlooked it. Be glad that she lives 80 miles away. Mine lives 8 miles. We used to live in the house right behind the family business that she had my DH run. She called one day saying she was going to town and did I need anything. Yes, a gallon of milk. Oh, I'm not going to the grocery store, just the post office and bank. I guess if I had needed stamps or a roll of pennies she could have helped me out. LOL. Just take a deep breath, smile through gritted teeth, and be thankful she wants to be a part of her grandchilden's lives.

I think I understand where you are coming from
but please know that I am not some sort of angry person that "bans" MIL from seeing our child. These issues have gone on for about 7 years and we have tried to be logical and kind to her but she just doesn't get the message. I don't think its her place to talk about s*x with or around my child, nor do I think it is her place to talk about Santa in front of him, as he still believes. It is a shame that some feel they have to protect a child from a grandparent but hey, you can't always trust your family. It's sad. You do, however, have to protect your child and their innocence - that's your job as a parent. My child still has contact with his granparents, it is just limited and in a long distance situation, many kids do not see their grandparents but once a year so I don't see this being detrimental to the relationship to prove a point that otherwise goes unnoticed. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, as you said, IMHO, and I don't want anyone to get the idea that I was endorsing cutting all ties.

I understand where you're coming from...

for people to be helpful in a positive way and not judgmental, after all it does and can affect anybody. But, I still think the best approach is through the school system, school nurse, other services, etc. I know at our school they were reluctant even admitting to me that there was a problem and had never sent out notes alerting parents before I talked to them because of privacy, and as I said, I don't need to know who, just an alert to the fact. In fact, the teacher probably should not have told me who, specifically, had the recurrent problem. I think it might be okay to contact a parent if you know them personally as a friend, but just to contact someone that you are not close to, no matter how good the intentions and tactfully presented, that you understand there's a problem and offer your help, they may want to know how do you know?? and who told you that? and could open door to all other kind of issues. Coming from a family with a dad as a school administrator, you wouldn't believe the trouble people can cause over things, but I do think a generic note is appropriate, and as I said, there was a school that closed its doors for I think a week or two, it was so rampant, so people could try and get control of it. I think it would be okay for the school nurse or administration to offer avenues for assistance and ask if the family would like help from others. It really can be a pesistant bugger to control if the parents don't have the ability to keep on it for whatever reason. I am an MT, but wasn't always, was a nurse aide in college and lab technologist, so have seen most everything out there. I think we're just letting off a little steam here because of the frustration, not trying to be pains or uncaring. Good luck in nursing school! From what I saw (almost switched to nursing when I was in college) it's a tough, tough job and hard, often very emotionally and physically draining work, but can be one of the most rewarding careers out there I think...I was a nurse aide in ICU/CCU on the graveyard shift in college and there were plenty of tears shed behind the scenes and also some great happy endings!

Reading between the lines and I understand
what you have said. There was nothing at all wrong with what I said. When you point a finger as some do here, don�t they understand more fingers are pointing back at them?

Thanks, after reading your post...sm
I decided I am going to call and speak with the manager first. Yes, I was supposed to go back to the same girl today but I changed my mind. I am going to explain the situation to the manager and ask if I can come in another day when this hairdresser is not there for a fix by someone else.

After reading your post and all of the other
posters' comments, I would give you the following advice...

Tell your friend 'A' that HE is alwlays welcome into your house, but SHE is not.

If 'A' invites you and your husband into a restaurant and SHE will be present, decline. You BOTH have to decline, this counts also for your husband.
If 'A' is alone, you both can accept the invitation.

Are you reading what you post?
You're complaining about someone else's grammatical mistakes and then when someone points yours out to you, you become defensive. I'd worry more about getting kicked out the meeting for your rudeness than getting banned from an anonymous board. Imagine how that poor woman must have felt being corrected by you, most likely in front of others. No matter how "nicely" you may have worded it, it was rude, and even though she didn't seem to notice your rudeness, I'm sure others did. You seriously said "balls" in a meeting to her? What were you thinking?

Here is what comes to my mind after reading your post.
Are you sure you are not favoring one child over another and he senses this or is imaging it - that would be difficult to articulate for a child. Being a first born, he may have been center of attention for a while and then had to share it to his siblings - always hard on a child. If he does not have a disorder that is chemically induced, I would consider that as tantrums are an attempt for attention. Communication is the answer. I'd suggest one on one events with this child alone on a regular basis. You will gain his trust so that he can express what is making him so frustrated. I feel for you. I watch the nanny shows and am always amazed at how difficult life is in a house when the family is unable to live in harmony due to out of control children. You'll have to not stop until to find a solution, for everyone's sake. Good luck to you, mom.

A couple of you are NOT reading my post

So the end to this request for advice.