After reading your 2 posts below in addition to this one...
Posted By: jss on 2008-09-11
In Reply to: which is better? Divorce or stay for kids? (sm) - JustamomMT
You need to get OUT! In time the kids will know what is going on either way, married or divorced. If you husband has been physically aggressive with you before, who is to say he's not going to have enough of your turning him down one day and come home aggressive again?! I'm worried and I don't even know you. Listen to stories on the news about the women who trusted their husbands implicitly and then one day something snapped in him - don't let that happen to you. Besides, do you want your kids thinking his behavior is a healthy one. Consciously or not, many children model their future marriage skills after their parents. I think you should seek individual counseling and advice from a lawyer. Commonly the first visit does not cost you anything and they will tell you what type of retainer fee they need so you can be working on that. Also, when (hopefully) everything starts to get in motion, get your kids in counseling too. Early is better. Don't wait for problems or issues. A lot of kids are very good at hiding their feelings from their parents. Finally, I must say, as controlling as your husband sounds the only reason he wants you to stay around is financial. Men talk about these things, my husband had told me. You will make out just fine. He'll be the one writing the check - oh, and you can request that it go through the court so you don't have to see/talk to him about the money every month. Good luck to you. Go with your gut. Be sure to let family know what's going on too so they can keep their eyes open and help if needed.
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After reading the below posts sm
I have to laugh. I have HP and have no trouble at all. It is the same thing with kitchen appliances. Have mostly GE and am not happy but many surveys say GE is one of the best.
I have been reading all these posts sm
and debating on what to say. Bear with me, this could be long. My mother's mother lives in California and has all my life. I live in Virginia. I havew seen my grandmother exactly 5 times and I am now 40. My mother died unexpectedly 3 years ago (she lived here and was extremely close with all her grandchildren). I knew that my mother and grandmother did not have a close relationship but they did love each other. The night before the funeral my father and I had such a long wonderful talk. He told me then that he never ever heard my grandmother say anything positive, not even anything nice to my mother. He wasn't trying to critize my GM but was just stating the facts. Two years ago my parents (dad and stepmother) decided to take each grandchild (4) on a separate vacation. My daughter really wanted to go to CA. Not necessarily to see her great-grandmother but wanted to include that in the trip. My parents asked me to go along. We flew to San Francisco and drove to her home about 3 hours away. Now keep in mind, my GM loves my father and thinks he put the moon and sun in the sky. We were only going to stay in her town over night simply becuase the woman is not enjoyable to be around. She has a very tiny home so we decided to stay in a hotel. My GM asked me if my daughter and I would like to stay with her. I did not want to but my stepmother really thought I should. We arrived and after spending some time at her house trying to show her pictures of the other grandchildren (she really wasn't very interested) we took her to lunch. I tried to talk to her about the likes of my other child as well as my nieces and what there life was like. She just kept interuppting and changing the subject. Mostly about my brother or to talk to my father. As we were leaving the restaurant my SM pulled me aside and said that we should definitely stay at the hotel. My GM has no other family except my brother and I. I still call her every week but the conversations are always the same. No interest in my life. My son's 17th b-day is tomorrow and he got a card from her yesterday. It was pink and covered in flowers. This is not a woman who I want to spend time with and never have for multiple reasons. I could write a book. Please don't "make" your children go. There are obvious reasons in their minds and you should respect that.
After reading some of your posts,
it sounds like maybe he just wants to stay married so he can keep you under his thumb. I'm sure it's better for him financially if you stay together and he has someone to do the household chores as well. As for asking for sex via email, that is creepy. But, I would still wonder whether he is getting somewhere else. I think men would still continue to ask, just on the off-chance that you actually would say yes, but get it somewhere else, too. I'd be afraid of what he could bring home. As for the kids, I agree with the other posters. The kids will pick up on this, but sadly enough, they will grow up believing it's a normal relationship when it's not, thus the generation-after-generation epic of divorce. That's just my opinion, though, and I'm certainly not an expert.
Now, back to you, I'm sorry that you're not getting any with someone who loves and respects you. So often, it is just assumed that the woman doesn't need/desire intimacy, when in all honesty women crave that intimacy even more than men. It's not necessarily the physical aspect of the intimacy that women crave, but rather the emotional. The fact that he asks for it so bluntly via email on a daily basis is his way of degrading you. Don't let it go on any longer. I would be headed straight to the divorce lawyer's office. Many women have been through divorce and made it through okay. You're children will support you once they see how much happier you are without him. Good luck to you. 
Okay, after reading the below posts sm
I know the Steelers are playing but who else is playing?
After reading all of these posts, I realize
How lucky I am!
My ex, and my hubby's ex, were both people who always needed to be in a crisis...and if there was none, they'd create it.
Luckily, after we'd both divorced we found each other. We have a peaceful life, and my inlaws and his inlaws are all great people and it's a joy and great fun when we get together.
I give thanks to God for my good fortune!
Okay, I just teared up reading your posts.
So glad you had that support system. My best friend in high school had a mother with mental illness but she was functioning mainly due to meds and they lived with my friends grandparents. I remeber all the times she spent at our house and at times I could tell she didn't want to go home.
I posted before reading all these great posts and guess what?
I had said almost word for word what everyone else said. I would not give a rats behind what she thought of me, in fact if something had killed my 3furs I probably would have strung them up myself. How you can be so I don’t want to hurt her feelings, crap- I would call the police, I would get some kind of action if I had to do it myself. I keep my loves in my home always (in my neighborhood animals are not supposed to just roam free) but I would never be able to sleep, eat or anything knowing my babies outside. Everyone posting here apparently are of 1 mind, basically we have said the same thing. If a dog kills another animal, likely then to turn on a person. I could care less what someone thinks about me- I would call the police.
I was just reading the posts last night and missed it last week. It was not that I SM
trying to fight. I reads the other posts on that subject, and the moderator is correct. SOMEONE kept the back and forth up, but NOT ME. I am about done with this board, as this has hurt. I know that sounds dumb, but it really does. I sent you a VERY supportive reply today when you said you are trying so hards to quit. I wished you luck, but it was deleted. Now I am a trouble maker. I am shaking I am so upset about this.
Can't be that. I stopped reading your posts to her awhile back.
She laughed a lot, but it was making her vomit so I had to stop.
Thanks for yet another one of your brilliant brain dumps. They're much better for the tulips than the horse manure we were buying.
geez after reading all these posts I feel like I'm missing out on something good! LOL
I'm assuming you buy these toys online? 
Religious posts and political posts go to appropriate boards. NM
Goldbird
In addition,
I have found relief with limited use of a tanning bed. Obviously, this is contraversial and has its own drawbacks and possible it may dry skin more, but my problem stems from seborrhea and UV therapy helps. I go about once a week.
New addition
Meet Boo!
Dempsey finally has a sister. She is a bit of a scaredy cat but she will come around with time.
One addition here
I know where you are going with your post. I know people think you are crazy but you aren't.
Don't people know how to make anything from scratch anymore? Geez.
In addition...
In addition to the point that all those women are somebody's mom, sister, daughter...
If the BF is involved in anything involving underage people, keep in mind that you shouldn't do anything on his computers, and it would probably also be wise to keep your finances completely separate (separate banks even, not just separate accounts).
Why?
Because in the case of anything involving children, EVERY PHOTO OR VIDEO IS ALSO EVIDENCE LEFT BEHIND FROM A CRIME SCENE! Any money he spends on the habit could be traced back to you if you share accounts.
From your most recent post, it seems like the BF doesn't know that you know. That's an interesting place in life. I never had the courage, bravery, stability, or self-esteem to not completely turn into a blubbering pathetic mess every time I stumbled on recent evidence. Mine always knew when I found stuff because I just couldn't handle it quietly. I never found any evidence of child-related stuff, though. I always told myself I could have found the courage to set the trap silently if I did. Thankfully I never needed to.
Sheila has it right and in addition...sm
You can encourage her to look at her bills and see what she can cut back on. For instance if she pays her own rent then she can do things like be sure to cut off lights, have the A/C set at 78 instead of colder, consolidate trips in the car to save on gas to help free up money for other things.
We give the kids a bonus in our household. For each month the utilities bill come in under the budget amount they get to have 1/2 the savings for entertainment. It sure helps give them an incentive to cut off lights when not in rooms, not stay in the shower until every drop of hot water is drained, etc.
With the increasing cost of gas when we leave home we try to consolidate errands as much as possible. Now instead of going say to Target for odds and ends and then Publix for groceries we go to the Super Wal-Mart where we can get everything at one stop. These little things add up and I'm finding myself now going about 2 days further between fill-ups than I used to.
In addition to the swats or the ISS, I would take away sm
something at home, i.e., TV, cell phone, Ipod, a previous engagement to do something fun. Being late is rude, lazy, and says "hey, look at me, it's all about me" so nip it in the bud right now. Kids today need to be taught to be on time, be polite, and have table manners, etc. Mine do.
In addition to considering the maturity,
I would also consider whether or not there is someone next door (maybe the bus driver you mentioned) that would be willing to "keep an eye" on him and that he could go to in case of emergencies.
I was a latchkey kid at about the age of 11 or 12; however, my older brother was 14 or 15 at the time and my grandma lived across the street from us.
My oldest son is now in fifth grade, 11 years old, and I have only been allowing him some "home alone" time in the last year. I really wasn't comfortable with doing that until he was 10, but each child is different.
I would also caution you to write down some ground rules and maybe just start out by leaving him alone for 1/2 hour here and there to see how he does. If you're not comfortable with him being home alone, you won't get much work done during that last hour of the day anyway. Good luck!
In addition to the media, I would also
contact an attorney if the school does nothing. I've seen a few movies "based on fact" where the school is legally bound to protect your child during school hours. If the school does nothing and the police do nothing, I would contact an attorney immediately.
I am keeping the journal going and in addition...sm
I bought a ceramic cross yesterday with 1 Samuel 1:27 on it which says "For This Child I prayed". I wrote the baby's nickname that my husband & I called it, the EDC and "went to heaven" dates on the front of the cross and it's hanging in our living room next to our family photo.
Congratulations on your new family addition.
Take your dog to the door every 30 to 40 minutes or so and the dog will get the idea that the outside is the place to do its thing. Could MAYBE give a treat when the dog actually goes outside and does not have an accident in the house. But, try to be careful on the treats, they will get accustomed to that really quick. Good luck.
I am so glad i do not have to keep maiden in addition
to all these past names I have had, being on my 4th marriage now. Gosh, that would be 5 names in all, wouldn’t it?
I am personal trainer in addition to an MT
so I am at the gym working out almost every day, and when I am not at the gym, I am on my home treadmill. I like to keep in shape and always have. I find that working out always puts me in a good mood (the endorphin release). I was always active in sports as a kid and have always been very tone and fit. I am also only 25 (26 in September), so my metabolism is pretty fast anyway!
I'd say IN ADDITION to getting a generator as I mentioned above.
l
That other board (in addition to not being free) is also
nm
Here's an addition to your question about layout - sm
that was unbelievable. I was at a Walmart one day to buy jeans. In the unlikely event I find the 'perfect' pair, I usually buy 2 of the same size, 'cause who knows when you'll ever find a perfect pair again, right?
So I'm in the dressing room trying them on, find the perfect pair, and go out to grab another identical pair before heading to the register. Only......
While I was in the dressing room (maybe 10 minutes, tops?), they had completely reconfigured the entire jeans section, and the whole display that had the jeans I wanted was GONE! I spent another half-hour looking for them, and never did find them, even when I asked an employee, who was of course clueless.
So, I guess Walmart is kind of like the weather in the mountains. If you don't like what you see, wait 10 minutes and it'll change!
In addition to the black oil sunflower seeds,
cardinals also love safflower seeds. Extra bonus -- squirrels will not eat safflower seeds. Cardinals also require a platform type feeder as opposed to a perch feeder.
We have had very few cardinals this year, which is quite unusual. Two winters ago I counted 19 all at once. It was after a heavy snow and it was quite a sight.
Love them birds!
Important addition to MIL problem directly below this posting
Oh, by the way, 3 weeks ago my DH told my MIL that I was upset with her and why. She made light of it, explaining that she was just "joking" and "being funny" and of course she didn't mean anything by it.
If it were my son telling me that I had offended my DIL in some way I would call her immediately and talk it through. However, my phone has not rung yet, and I'm pretty sure it's not going to.
I can see her sitting over there coiled like a king cobra expecting me on Thanksgiving and I'm so uncomfortable just thinking about it.
My husband said that she was just joking and to suck it up (again), and just go over. I'm really stressed out about this. Any suggestions would be great.
Too many of these stories becoming familiar, in addition to inforcing the death penalty....sm
I have to ask myself why so much of society these days is behaving in this way, uncontrollable, ugly rage...is it the decay of family units, absentee fathers, is it the abundance of drugs, violence in media....I am old enough to remember a time when these atrocities seemed to be the RARE horror stories, why the abundance now? No God in their worlds?????
Addendum: In addition to have warp speed internet connection; just short of having my own server.
If I'm reading right
then it makes perfect sense to me. He does not, no how, no way, no matter what happens, want anymore children. She "would not mind" having more children, but is willing to not have more children because of his wishes. However, should something happen, God forbid, to her husband or their marriage, she potentially would like to have more children.
Not sure why she wants him to have a vasectomy, but if I did read it right, it is his best insurance policy (short of abstinance) to ensure he does not get what he does not want. However, you are correct that there are other ways to avoid pregnancy, but sounds like the OP just wants her husband to be happy (by not getting what he does not want).
OP, I do agree with the posting that suggested you should not have scheduled this for him while he is of the mind set of not wanting to have it done. My husband just did have it done (our youngest child is 10 years old). After our youngest child was born, without my suggesting it, hubby had said that he would have it done because he felt that it was the right/fair thing to do. After all, I had gone through the two pregnancies/childbirths/breastfeeding, etc. While I appreciated the sentiment, he did not follow through with it until he HAD to. He had a varicocele that was causing referred pain up under his arm, which prompted him to see the family doc, who did not diagnose the varicocele, but after attempting to clear an "infection" (a "knot" in his testicle) with a couple of rounds of antibiotics, eventually he referred to a urologist.
I have not been able to take hormonals for years due to headaches and other problems associated with them, and had had an IUD placed, but had to have it removed the following day, so we had been using condoms for most of the 10-year time period (and even THAT did not prompt him to go ahead and have it done, after it was his idea to do it -- men can be such babies . . . LOL).
Because of the varicocele, he had to be put under and the surgery was a little more extensive than the normal, in-office procedure, and hubby has come through just fine. Yes, there is pain involved, but I imagine there was a little bit of pain involved with birthing your babies. I think he should "be a man" and just do it.
you might be reading too much into this
I have two daughters currently undergoing orthodontia treatment and their docs (brothers) either call us that night to see how they are feeling after their treatment or send a personal note. Just very friendly, caring orthodontists. They also have an office full of pretty young ladies and are both married with a bunch of kids and lovely wives. They are just very nice guys.
Could be that your orthodontist is just trying to be a nice guy. Don't embarrass yourself by reading too much into what could be an innocent effort to make your treatment time more enjoyable.
Currently reading
"Cross" by James Patterson, next on my stack of 10 new books is "I Heard That song before by Mary Higgins Clark. I'm an avid reader - can you tell??
Only just reading this, so very sorry.
I lost my little man kitty Dante, it has been almost 2 years, I've been thinking about him after reading all the supportive messages above. I was just telling my daughter yesterday that I think it's time to go to the Shelter and find a new little kitty to love. The value of their company cannot be measured. God Bless, take comfort in all the good days you had together. I'll say a little prayer that your heart does not hurt too much or for too long.
Wise
Reading this over and I think
your aunt does not have the ability to change a will. That is not what an executor does, that is not the position to change what is in a will. If you and your brother get anything at all, I think you should be glad because you were only taking the place of your father, his own child, as your father is demented. I went thru a similar thing, my father died and I had a deceased brother. The insurance company was supposed to divide insurance between the children of my deceased brother and me as they were taking the place of my brother. After a year's time they could not find them and they sent me the balance of 1/2 of the insurance fund. I am thinking perhaps with no changes made prior to the demise of your grandfather, that money perhaps might go to your father and hence like you do not want it to go, to the state. That would not be good for any of his entitled heirs but you might have an uphill battle with lawyers, the courts, etc. in this case. You can break a will and if lots there to be gotten, then probably can take this course. The aunt should already have hers coming, is that not right so I doubt with her telling the power of attorney to get a lawyer she is trying for more, only she does not have the authority to just break herself.
I don't know... From what I'm reading on other
sites, people are so tired of Adam's monotonous exact screams in every single song that the Danny voters will probably swing to Kris, so it could be up for grabs. AI has a message board too.
Thanks, after reading your post...sm
I decided I am going to call and speak with the manager first. Yes, I was supposed to go back to the same girl today but I changed my mind. I am going to explain the situation to the manager and ask if I can come in another day when this hairdresser is not there for a fix by someone else.
Ladies, please after reading your
posts you are sounding like a bunch of feuding school aged girls. What in the world is your problem? Retract your claws and be friends again, ok?
I did a lot of reading before Thanksgiving
when we made one - it was rather small - just for the 2 of us - and it turned out perfect. Husband likes very rare and we knew we would have a few slices left over which we would then microwave so wanted them rare also. The best advice I can give is to buy a good thermometer and take out before it reaches the temp you want for rare, medium or whatever - as it does continue to cook for a few minutes outside the oven - which surprised this old cook!! It actually rose 5-10 degrees (cannot recall right now) and that can make a huge difference in a small prime rib - I was shocked! :))
OK-what is your fav book or what are you reading now
My very favorite book is Outlander by Diana Galbadon and I am current re-reading the second book in the Outlander series, Dragonfly in Amber. I would like to reread all 6 of them this summer, but Harry Potter is also coming out, so we'll see. They are all huge books.
I loved reading this. sm
I also read it on the Comedy board and shared it with my Bible School class. Will share wtih my adult Sunday School also.
I have really enjoyed reading all of these.
Thank you for all your help.
Thanks everyone for sharing - still reading, lol. sm
She has had her "permit" and has been driving with me (and siblings, lol) for a year now. I have let her drive as much as possible because I too feel like one poster said about the more experience the more comfortable and responsible. My sister got killed in a car wreck at 21 so my DD is very aware of how panicky I am about letting her drive and myself letting go more than anything I think. She has been an excellent driver (while I am in the car that is). We do live in a little country town so she would not be allowed to drive into the big city with major traffic for a long while by herself. She has driven there 2-3 times with me and on her first trip I allowed her to drive to town, someone rear-ended us!! I laugh now though because she didn't know what to do at all. We were at a stop (red light), the lady hit us about the same time the light turned green, and DD proceeded to go with the greenlight! I was like hmm, what are you doing? She didn't realize we had been hit as she was proceeding to go when we got hit. It's funny after the fact because no one was hurt, just minor fender bender, but at least it was a learning experience for her and was not her fault.
My SIL's mother owns a Mexican restaurant close to us and will work around her schedule to allow her to work when she can so she does have the capacity of getting a job if she can ever have time to work. She has helped there temporarily on holidays a few times already. I think she will have some time this summer though as cheer practice is usually over at noon and she will just have to save up to pay her bills.
I kind of feel I should cover her with how hard she is working at school and activities, but don't want to "spoil" my child and not make her appreciate it and not learn responsibility so I want to make her be responsible for something. Of course, her 16-yo friend got a brand new, off the show room floor Mazda RX7. That is parental ignorance in my opinion and aint happening for my kids even if I could afford it. I can tell you one night they didn't get home from a game until 11:30 p.m. on a school night and I was livid. She was up until 1 a.m. studying for her semester exam the next day!! She is very dedicated, but that is ridiculous. Our local community college gives the entire top 10 a full paid scholarship so that is why she is encouraged to make the top 10 and pushing really hard towards this goal. She is already taking some college classes at school (combo classes) including A&P as she wants to be ultrasound tech and that is a tough class.
I have checked into ins, which is out the roof, but they also deduct points based on good grades, etc. so I want to at least make her partially pay for this so she will be encouraged not to speed, keep the grades up, etc. and realize it will all save her money by doing so.
Good tip though to let her drive home and to school. That is one thing we don't do as it is so routine she doesn't ask then and I don't think about it. You are definitely right, that parking lot is crazy and makes me never want to let my son drive when I see those teenage boys spinning out in the parking lot. I'll start letting her do that. Thanks again everyone!!
This happens with my sunglasses as well as reading
and I know what you are talking about. I think the haziness comes from either touching your face with the lens part or maybe your breath. I usually just take mine off and then put back on. Has nothing to do with the price you paid.
Summer reading
I'm currently reading a great book on Einstein. It was published in 2007, after all of his papers finally became public. Author is Walter Isaacson, and it's called: EINSTEIN - HIS LIFE AND UNIVERSE. He also wrote BENJAMIN FRANKLIN - AN AMERICAN LIFE, which I may read next. Funny how as one gets older, fiction often is less interesting than real life.
Many, many people were involved in getting the details of Einstein's life and the science right, and even HS science teachers were brought in to bring the scientific explanations down to high school level so we'd all have a chance of understanding it. It's 551 pages long, plus an additional 125 pages of credits! It starts out with a few pages describing the "main characters" in the book. I'm just getting started, but I can tell it's going to be fascinating.
I have been reading your story...
My heart goes out to you. You have been through a lot of anguish. I think the fact that you are trying the best that you can shows that you are going to make it through this.
I agree that at first your husband should be the one to set limits, but there is nothing wrong with watching him and learning from him, so that you can take baby steps to establish limits (of course these should be abided by both parents) too. Not only for your daughter's sake, but for your sake too. She needs to respect you too.
Good luck. I hope the best for you and your family.
Tell me what you are reading this summer
I love to read. Anything and everything.
But!
I lost my reading muse awhile back and can't seem to find it.
And!
When I had it I almost read 24/7.
Nora Roberts/JD. Robb, Bea Small, Linda Howard, Karen Marie Moning, Janet Chapman, Kristin Hannah *old books*, and many, many more.
So, what you're reading, what you've read and what you want to read.
Just gained 5 lbs. reading above sm
Hash brown recipe simply scrumptious, I use crushed potato chips for the topping. I once used grated parmesan cheese (the kind you put on spaghetti) instead of grating it myself and it was absolutely delicious (expensive) but so easy. I also make a carrot cake with the crushed pineapple and use 2 jars of baby food carrots instead of shredding. (Lost that receipe someplace.) Just call me lazy, I guess. Gosh, now I have to go and stuff my face. You all make it sound so good, I can smell it cooking!
I have been reading extensively about this
and from what I hear, John's religion more or less bans anyone with any kind of mental disability, autism or others and this is the reason for the other diagnosis of Kawasaki's (spelling) that the Travolta family said he had for years. Apparently seizures go along with autism and the other diagnosis they do not. Also scientology apparently is against doctors and medicine so if having seizures, people are wondering if he really was on antiseizure medicine. I also have heard the child basically shunned by his family also, fed fattening foods while the family ate healthy and just sitting in front of a televison to occupy. There is video on Google of this 16 year old being walked around with people holding his hands, right and left and this is a recent video. Supposedly 2 nannies around the clock, baby monitor in his rooms, etc. and the police said he injured himself on Thursday night and no one discovered him until about 10 hours later on Friday. There is a lot of information out there. They have 2 people doing the autopsy today. Very strange to me that with his all around care, no one checked on him for all those hrs the police said he was unaccounted for.
one glucometer reading does not
constitute a valid diagnosis. Get a different doctor. Work hard to lose the weight. and get some insurance! Don't waste time being sad, take control!
After reading your post and all of the other
posters' comments, I would give you the following advice...
Tell your friend 'A' that HE is alwlays welcome into your house, but SHE is not.
If 'A' invites you and your husband into a restaurant and SHE will be present, decline. You BOTH have to decline, this counts also for your husband.
If 'A' is alone, you both can accept the invitation.
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