After reading all of these posts, I realize
Posted By: clhmt on 2006-12-21
In Reply to: But you should enjoy yourself. It is not worth - Yup
How lucky I am!
My ex, and my hubby's ex, were both people who always needed to be in a crisis...and if there was none, they'd create it.
Luckily, after we'd both divorced we found each other. We have a peaceful life, and my inlaws and his inlaws are all great people and it's a joy and great fun when we get together.
I give thanks to God for my good fortune!
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Gosh, these posts make me realize how much I love
He does none of what has been talked about here. I am blessed beyond measure...
After reading the below posts sm
I have to laugh. I have HP and have no trouble at all. It is the same thing with kitchen appliances. Have mostly GE and am not happy but many surveys say GE is one of the best.
I have been reading all these posts sm
and debating on what to say. Bear with me, this could be long. My mother's mother lives in California and has all my life. I live in Virginia. I havew seen my grandmother exactly 5 times and I am now 40. My mother died unexpectedly 3 years ago (she lived here and was extremely close with all her grandchildren). I knew that my mother and grandmother did not have a close relationship but they did love each other. The night before the funeral my father and I had such a long wonderful talk. He told me then that he never ever heard my grandmother say anything positive, not even anything nice to my mother. He wasn't trying to critize my GM but was just stating the facts. Two years ago my parents (dad and stepmother) decided to take each grandchild (4) on a separate vacation. My daughter really wanted to go to CA. Not necessarily to see her great-grandmother but wanted to include that in the trip. My parents asked me to go along. We flew to San Francisco and drove to her home about 3 hours away. Now keep in mind, my GM loves my father and thinks he put the moon and sun in the sky. We were only going to stay in her town over night simply becuase the woman is not enjoyable to be around. She has a very tiny home so we decided to stay in a hotel. My GM asked me if my daughter and I would like to stay with her. I did not want to but my stepmother really thought I should. We arrived and after spending some time at her house trying to show her pictures of the other grandchildren (she really wasn't very interested) we took her to lunch. I tried to talk to her about the likes of my other child as well as my nieces and what there life was like. She just kept interuppting and changing the subject. Mostly about my brother or to talk to my father. As we were leaving the restaurant my SM pulled me aside and said that we should definitely stay at the hotel. My GM has no other family except my brother and I. I still call her every week but the conversations are always the same. No interest in my life. My son's 17th b-day is tomorrow and he got a card from her yesterday. It was pink and covered in flowers. This is not a woman who I want to spend time with and never have for multiple reasons. I could write a book. Please don't "make" your children go. There are obvious reasons in their minds and you should respect that.
After reading some of your posts,
it sounds like maybe he just wants to stay married so he can keep you under his thumb. I'm sure it's better for him financially if you stay together and he has someone to do the household chores as well. As for asking for sex via email, that is creepy. But, I would still wonder whether he is getting somewhere else. I think men would still continue to ask, just on the off-chance that you actually would say yes, but get it somewhere else, too. I'd be afraid of what he could bring home. As for the kids, I agree with the other posters. The kids will pick up on this, but sadly enough, they will grow up believing it's a normal relationship when it's not, thus the generation-after-generation epic of divorce. That's just my opinion, though, and I'm certainly not an expert.
Now, back to you, I'm sorry that you're not getting any with someone who loves and respects you. So often, it is just assumed that the woman doesn't need/desire intimacy, when in all honesty women crave that intimacy even more than men. It's not necessarily the physical aspect of the intimacy that women crave, but rather the emotional. The fact that he asks for it so bluntly via email on a daily basis is his way of degrading you. Don't let it go on any longer. I would be headed straight to the divorce lawyer's office. Many women have been through divorce and made it through okay. You're children will support you once they see how much happier you are without him. Good luck to you. 
Okay, after reading the below posts sm
I know the Steelers are playing but who else is playing?
Okay, I just teared up reading your posts.
So glad you had that support system. My best friend in high school had a mother with mental illness but she was functioning mainly due to meds and they lived with my friends grandparents. I remeber all the times she spent at our house and at times I could tell she didn't want to go home.
After reading your 2 posts below in addition to this one...
You need to get OUT! In time the kids will know what is going on either way, married or divorced. If you husband has been physically aggressive with you before, who is to say he's not going to have enough of your turning him down one day and come home aggressive again?! I'm worried and I don't even know you. Listen to stories on the news about the women who trusted their husbands implicitly and then one day something snapped in him - don't let that happen to you. Besides, do you want your kids thinking his behavior is a healthy one. Consciously or not, many children model their future marriage skills after their parents. I think you should seek individual counseling and advice from a lawyer. Commonly the first visit does not cost you anything and they will tell you what type of retainer fee they need so you can be working on that. Also, when (hopefully) everything starts to get in motion, get your kids in counseling too. Early is better. Don't wait for problems or issues. A lot of kids are very good at hiding their feelings from their parents. Finally, I must say, as controlling as your husband sounds the only reason he wants you to stay around is financial. Men talk about these things, my husband had told me. You will make out just fine. He'll be the one writing the check - oh, and you can request that it go through the court so you don't have to see/talk to him about the money every month. Good luck to you. Go with your gut. Be sure to let family know what's going on too so they can keep their eyes open and help if needed.
I posted before reading all these great posts and guess what?
I had said almost word for word what everyone else said. I would not give a rats behind what she thought of me, in fact if something had killed my 3furs I probably would have strung them up myself. How you can be so I don’t want to hurt her feelings, crap- I would call the police, I would get some kind of action if I had to do it myself. I keep my loves in my home always (in my neighborhood animals are not supposed to just roam free) but I would never be able to sleep, eat or anything knowing my babies outside. Everyone posting here apparently are of 1 mind, basically we have said the same thing. If a dog kills another animal, likely then to turn on a person. I could care less what someone thinks about me- I would call the police.
I was just reading the posts last night and missed it last week. It was not that I SM
trying to fight. I reads the other posts on that subject, and the moderator is correct. SOMEONE kept the back and forth up, but NOT ME. I am about done with this board, as this has hurt. I know that sounds dumb, but it really does. I sent you a VERY supportive reply today when you said you are trying so hards to quit. I wished you luck, but it was deleted. Now I am a trouble maker. I am shaking I am so upset about this.
Can't be that. I stopped reading your posts to her awhile back.
She laughed a lot, but it was making her vomit so I had to stop.
Thanks for yet another one of your brilliant brain dumps. They're much better for the tulips than the horse manure we were buying.
geez after reading all these posts I feel like I'm missing out on something good! LOL
I'm assuming you buy these toys online? 
Religious posts and political posts go to appropriate boards. NM
Goldbird
Maybe they do, and you just don't realize that's what it is??
nm
Of course I realize that, but
Nonetheless, she looked great! I was surprised to see her showing off her "new body", but looks like maybe just a hoax? Whatta waste of a lives these young Hollywood's are...
I think you need to realize
your feelings are about a fantasy, not about a real relationship. He himself has already given you information that when it is over it is over. He obviously does not share your feelings. He can treat you very well but it is e-mail. In real life he has gas, stinky feet, cranky moods like everyone. Older men and younger women is a dangerous situation. They enjoy your adoration but don't return it. It is difficult but the longer you go the more you will be hurt and the more of your life you will waste on a fantasy. Remember when you had a crush on a celebrity when you were a young teen and felt like it was true love and would never end? It is about the same thing. I don't judge you -- I have had experiences that I look back on now and see what time I wasted and regret that I could have focused on other things in my life. I hope you don't do the same.
So, what if you realize you
have an unstable dog, but you realize it because the first unprovoked attack was a deadly one? Too late.
I think you are being irresponsible if you ever let anyone step foot in your house if it causes your dog to feel anxious. You are tempting fate, my friend.
I would not even realize if it were my
DH but the OP is having a problem with it, she probably thinks he is talking with someone he does not want her to know about, that is the problem.
Wow, I didn't realize
Just how lucky I was. My husband bought me wonderful Christmas presents everything that I could definitely use and want. He's a wonderful person and helps with the cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, doing just about anything and everything around the house. I couldn't ask for someone better. I didn't realize just how much I had until I read some of these posts.
Maybe they realize their matriarch has gone
Its usually the case that "grandma" keeps the extended family together. It happened when my grandma died, and will happen again on a smaller scale when my mother dies. She's the one they all kept in contact with, the one that knew where everybody went and what they're up to. Talking to her you got to hear about the whole family (whether you felt like it or not). So now she's gone, people will drift off, lose touch, stop having big family gatherings with her at the center. Kiss half your cousins goodbye, because by the next funeral, nobody will know how to get in touch with them any more. I'd say they're mourning for the family in general, because things will probably never be the same again with the center gone.
I didn't realize that either!
Guess I assumed when wal-mart stopped so would everyone else. Well, for now I will still boycott K-mart but when it gets closer I will go there for some kids toys and that's probably it.
I realize you just can't back off now.
Carefree & happy? Relatively speaking, sure. But "proud" isn't how I would describe feeling about that.
I've done plenty of therapy in my life, thanks, but it was unrelated to the above issue.
If you stop attacking me publicly now, you will just lose too much face, so go ahead, take your best shot. After this last post I wondered: What would make this person satisfied? That I be bent & suffering with remorse & guilt? Would you feel better then? Sorry, but it just doesn't work that way. I simply feel okay about my past, so I can't help you there. I suppose there is nothing I can do to make you feel better. I think you should work on feeling more forgiving of yourself for decisions you've made in your past, & then you will not feel the need to attack others for the mistakes you yourself have made.
I hope this gives you more than just a giggle, & rather than pollute the board with any more of your mouthings, I'd rather have you contact me directly at my e-mail address if you really think there is more you need to get off your chest. But I doubt you will do this because of the element of performance there is to your posts, & I doubt it will help because I would just be a substitute for you. At any rate, you are welcome to e-mail me.
I think it is important to realize that...
the world does not revolve around us. If there is not a huge amount of fighting or abuse of some sort, why should she deprive her children of their father. Often, I think children say what their parents want to hear about the other parent. My 33-year-old brother still does. There are worse things than waking up and going to bed with a person whom you do not love. And - I bet that if she tried, she could still find something she does love about him. I really think that society has made divorce to acceptable. There is just no incentive to stick it out through the tough times that everyone has.
That is good that you realize that though...
some people don't realize that until after they have kids and then their children suffer because of it...Good for you for not wanting to bring a child into the world knowing it may have special needs as well...I applaud that...I love my two children but definitely do not want any more--lol
Sorry, didn't realize she used that name. My apologies.
x
It sounds like he just doesn't realize sm
that you would love for him to call you first. I don't care how many hints you drop, men just don't realize certain things unless we flat out tell them. Have been married almost 20 years to a wonderful man, but sometimes he still just doesn't get it. It is very true that "we learned everything we needed to know in kindergarten, boys are st*pid" LOL
ok, sorry-I didn't realize you don't work for them...
You do realize that with Katrina damage
At least in Mississippi and Lousiana part....they may have rebuilt some hotels but the surrounding locality looks like a war zone; most of the boat docks and walking/fishing piers were completely destroyed and probably haven't been rebuilt, and many of the cute local beach restaurants are gone. It might be educational re Katrina damage if that's what you're after...but it's not what I'd call a happy place to vacation at this time.
To GF: Do you realize that the all caps is yelling?
I think you should realize that first before you get upset with everyone here.
You are yelling through your all cap typing.
guess I didn't realize they were that
much bigger - definitely have not had one then. I have read several articles about the nuthatches saying that they are occasional visitors very far south but this year reports are that there are large groups going way out of there range - apparently conifer forests didn't do well in the north. My little slate colored juncos (snow birds) are here with the snow flurries this morning.
You're right.... kids have to realize they have....sm
to be responsible and adults shouldn't be held to bail them out all of the time.
Why should an adult give up their money because a teenager was irresponsible?
I realize this is a private matter, but
is there someone close to the both of you that could be present when you tell him. Ordinarily, I would recommend meeting him in a public place, but in this case, since it is a financial affair, I wouldn't recommend that. However, if there is someone you are both close to, perhaps you could have them present (even if only in the other room) while you tell him.
Another possibility may be to discuss this with your in-laws first. Again, I wouldn't ordinarily recommend this, but they appear to already be involved in your financial matters since you borrowed the money from them for the car. Depending on their reaction, perhaps you could all sit down together and they could help you work this out.
If all else fails, call your attorney and schedule a meeting where he will mediate. I would not tell this man alone in person. It doesn't sound like a safe thing to do.
I didn't realize K Mart still had Lay away!
I always loved Lay Away. You could shop and know you got what you needed and save up for it. Yes, the year Walmart did away with Lay away everybody around these parts were really upset. Most people who do lay away do so so they can use cash and not credit. Uggg. Credit. Wish I never heard of a credit card. But that's another story for another day. LOL.
Maybe they had so many kids they didn't realize til now he was gone
What is wrong with people. You have a missing kid you report it!
Reminds me of that movie Home alone.
She was a stray. I did not realize she did not belong to anyone
until after she was pregnant. We adopted her or she adopted us. I do plan on getting her fixed.
Wow. I didn't realize the response I was going to receive. Let me all tell you a little sm
something about me (for a change).
I am a very intimate, romantic, sexual (close your eyes if this is offensive), kind of gal. Seriously. My mother always told me I was a "hopeless romantic!" One of my favorite movies is Pretty Woman, for crying out loud. For years, I would shop in the lingerie dept. at various dept. stores, even buying things from Victoria's Secret, mind you. But if there is one thing my husband has done to me over the years is help me to completely lose interest in intimacy and now, sex. He doesn't listen to me, doesn't compliment me, doesn't touch me at all during the day. It's saddened me so much over the past few years. If we meet up after work he'll just go on about his business, not reaching to give me a kiss, ask me about my day, nothing.
The fact that he approached me the other night was actually surprising. Yes, he's trying. But what is a woman to do when after so many years of neglect? Jump at him? Tackle him? I can't. I simply can't. I'm suffering from low self worth as it is due to his lack of communicating any kind of affection or concern to me. I don't know how to gain it back. I don't know how to get back that spark. It's not there. It saddens me so much, but it's true.
So, give me a little more credit.
Ms. Manners, maybe you need to come up with the times and realize that not everything in this world
anymore, but people do what they do to be happy in this world. You should try it, you might like it.
I didn't realize I started the same as the topic below - nm
haha
forgive me-I didn't realize you were the grandparent!
 but I also think you, as a grandparent, can supply all the info to CS....my situation was entirely different and I'm sorry I didn't realize you were the grandparent before I posted...
And God Bless you for taking responsibility for your grandkids, my parents would have done zippo!! 
Exactly. Plus, don't people realize that Texas is weird?
nm
didn't realize this problem was so rampant!
my mom would not have been able to survive had my dad not paid child support for all of us kids when they were divorced. out of the seven of us, four were still at home when they divorced. when it got down to just me and my mom (i'm the youngest), that child support paid most of our bills. my dad was in the air force though so i'm sure they wouldn't have let him get away with not paying.
my transient brother is 33 and has several children in different states. he was married once, never sees those three kids and just had his $3000 tax refund garnished to pay arrears for them. i bet his ex was happy to receive that fat check! i don't know how old his other children are but he just had one with a girlfriend this past october (i worry about that little boy every single day and probably will for the rest of my life) and has run out on them too. i imagine the support he owes is in the tens of thousands. he moves from state to state and from job to job to avoid having to pay.
my first daughter's sperm donor was a rapist who was never caught. while that in itself sucks, i am so glad i don't have to deal with child support and custody battles. i've managed to make it through without having to deal with all that, and my husband is the only father my little girl will ever know.
Sometimes people don't realize how important the little things are...
Until they go through a loss themselves. Last year I lost my father and cherished every card I received. At the same time, I also felt terrible about the times I had neglected to send a card to someone else. I had thought at the time they were inadequate and probably unnoticed until I was going through it myself. Now I realize how important they are.
Don't be too hard on your friends and co-workers. One day they'll likely feel remorseful, as I do.
Gosh, I didn't realize it was December 15th already. Thanks. nm
nm
What's funny is that for a long time I did not realize it was all abuse (sm)
I knew the physical part was abuse. Other than that I thought he was a jerk, quirky ideas about things, a hard-nose, hard-headed, rude...but I never realized it was all abuse until I finally started reading up on it. Apparently in these situations we start to accept things little by little as being normal. Like slowly boiling before you realize you're done.
Maybe the teacher doesn't realize his boyfriend and not dad? I would inform her immediately! sm
Does your boyfriend live there? Have you been together a long time? If not, he is way overstepping his bounds and I would immediately put a stop to it.
If I'm reading right
then it makes perfect sense to me. He does not, no how, no way, no matter what happens, want anymore children. She "would not mind" having more children, but is willing to not have more children because of his wishes. However, should something happen, God forbid, to her husband or their marriage, she potentially would like to have more children.
Not sure why she wants him to have a vasectomy, but if I did read it right, it is his best insurance policy (short of abstinance) to ensure he does not get what he does not want. However, you are correct that there are other ways to avoid pregnancy, but sounds like the OP just wants her husband to be happy (by not getting what he does not want).
OP, I do agree with the posting that suggested you should not have scheduled this for him while he is of the mind set of not wanting to have it done. My husband just did have it done (our youngest child is 10 years old). After our youngest child was born, without my suggesting it, hubby had said that he would have it done because he felt that it was the right/fair thing to do. After all, I had gone through the two pregnancies/childbirths/breastfeeding, etc. While I appreciated the sentiment, he did not follow through with it until he HAD to. He had a varicocele that was causing referred pain up under his arm, which prompted him to see the family doc, who did not diagnose the varicocele, but after attempting to clear an "infection" (a "knot" in his testicle) with a couple of rounds of antibiotics, eventually he referred to a urologist.
I have not been able to take hormonals for years due to headaches and other problems associated with them, and had had an IUD placed, but had to have it removed the following day, so we had been using condoms for most of the 10-year time period (and even THAT did not prompt him to go ahead and have it done, after it was his idea to do it -- men can be such babies . . . LOL).
Because of the varicocele, he had to be put under and the surgery was a little more extensive than the normal, in-office procedure, and hubby has come through just fine. Yes, there is pain involved, but I imagine there was a little bit of pain involved with birthing your babies. I think he should "be a man" and just do it.
you might be reading too much into this
I have two daughters currently undergoing orthodontia treatment and their docs (brothers) either call us that night to see how they are feeling after their treatment or send a personal note. Just very friendly, caring orthodontists. They also have an office full of pretty young ladies and are both married with a bunch of kids and lovely wives. They are just very nice guys.
Could be that your orthodontist is just trying to be a nice guy. Don't embarrass yourself by reading too much into what could be an innocent effort to make your treatment time more enjoyable.
Currently reading
"Cross" by James Patterson, next on my stack of 10 new books is "I Heard That song before by Mary Higgins Clark. I'm an avid reader - can you tell??
Only just reading this, so very sorry.
I lost my little man kitty Dante, it has been almost 2 years, I've been thinking about him after reading all the supportive messages above. I was just telling my daughter yesterday that I think it's time to go to the Shelter and find a new little kitty to love. The value of their company cannot be measured. God Bless, take comfort in all the good days you had together. I'll say a little prayer that your heart does not hurt too much or for too long.
Wise
Reading this over and I think
your aunt does not have the ability to change a will. That is not what an executor does, that is not the position to change what is in a will. If you and your brother get anything at all, I think you should be glad because you were only taking the place of your father, his own child, as your father is demented. I went thru a similar thing, my father died and I had a deceased brother. The insurance company was supposed to divide insurance between the children of my deceased brother and me as they were taking the place of my brother. After a year's time they could not find them and they sent me the balance of 1/2 of the insurance fund. I am thinking perhaps with no changes made prior to the demise of your grandfather, that money perhaps might go to your father and hence like you do not want it to go, to the state. That would not be good for any of his entitled heirs but you might have an uphill battle with lawyers, the courts, etc. in this case. You can break a will and if lots there to be gotten, then probably can take this course. The aunt should already have hers coming, is that not right so I doubt with her telling the power of attorney to get a lawyer she is trying for more, only she does not have the authority to just break herself.
I don't know... From what I'm reading on other
sites, people are so tired of Adam's monotonous exact screams in every single song that the Danny voters will probably swing to Kris, so it could be up for grabs. AI has a message board too.
Thank you! I didn't realize they made computer glasses. Will make an appt. Spit didn't wor
3
|
