After 11 yrs as a boy scout leader, I've seen all sorts of situations.
Posted By: scout leader experience on 2007-05-25
In Reply to: It's going to be a long summer. I need advice....sm - fed up
And, I've had to deal with my share of 11 yo bullies. (I have one in my troop now who is absolutely driving me up a wall.) I've learned a lot over the years. For one thing, I know that while it's possible to be a very good influence on a child, it's also likely that parents who are having issues can, in just a moment, un-do any positive influence you've had on a child. I've also seen kids come back years later after I thought I had made no headway with them. They've come back to thank me for showing them patience and kindness and a better way to act. And, sadly, I've seen more than a few kids spin off out of control, right to the point of their own death.
Firstly, you have to think of your own child's safety, of course. If you can band with other parents in your neighborhood to provide supervision while this bully is around, that would be a great help. Agree on play areas, who is and is not allowed to be in the play area, be patient and teach the children general rules of good behavior. When the rules are violated, then there are consequences. If the bully cannot behave, especially if he's being dangerous. If you feel that he and the other children in his household are not being properly supervised or cared for at home, then call the authorities.
The other thing I've learned is to be very direct with problem children and parents, and to keep my emotions calm. No shouting, and always have an adult witness nearby. For many years, I would dance around direct language with parents, afraid that I might hurt their feelings. But that always leaves too much room for them to misunderstand what I really wanted. State exactly what you want the other person to know. "I have a problem with your child's behavior. I'm willing to help supervise, but only on these conditions." If the parent becomes argumentative or defensive, walk away and lock your door. Write down what you said and what happened. I don't want to scare you, but if there are questions later, accusations from the parent or child, you won't have to rely on your memory alone.
One can be patient and extend help to people who need it, but you don't have to put up with abuse, either. Use all of your resources -- other neighbors, authorities, your own talents, and do what you can, but be careful.
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My daughter's Girl Scout leader
won't let them go door to door to sell. I do let her go to our friends/neighbors on the street, but just to the surrounding friends and no further. It's awful that they can't go door to door anymore, but way too dangerous.
I would think there are many different situations. But it sounds like in yours
you truely have to consider what is best for the child. Also consider the age of the child, is the child old enough to say what he/she wants. If the mother is the sole caretaker and there is no likelyhood of any kind of relationship with the father, I see nothing wrong with it. It seems like it would be much easier for the mother and child to share the same last name.
People end up in so many situations (sm)
So many people who are supposedly "high class" get pregnant and decide to have abortions....but that doesn't change the fact that they got pregnant young and without being married just like Jamie Lynn did...no one has a right to judge anyone else. If we want to talk about trashy, how about spending your time following every little detail about what is going on in someone else's life and feeling like we have to spread the gossip. I am vaguely aware of what is going on with them because of the media, I don't really care about all the details. Teenagers unfortunately get pregnant every day...just because this girl is famous doesn't mean we all have to talk about it. As for her show, if the media didn't have to tell everyone every detail of her private life, the show could have continued and the viewers didn't have to know. The content of the show is what is important and the personal life of the actors in the show is really none of anyone's business.
Kids/situations
Hang in there. It's tough, and no there is no one-size-fits-all answer.
I had a very permissive mother (and a father who was with us but not really involved) and I did some "normal" teenage stuff that was not the best, but I was much, much, less wild than the girls I knew whose parents were extremely strict. They did things I wouldn't have dreamed of doing, and they always found a way to sew their crazy oats in spite of their heavy limitations.
I'm not saying it's good to be overly permissive ... it's not. But I think a lot of it comes down to personality of the child, and you have to try to find the best way to deal with each personality. And, let's face it, one can only have so much control. The rest is their decision (whatever the consequences). That's what is so scary.
Maybe you can find some true stories (like the one poster whose daughter ended up in such a bad way) to show her for examples. There are probably a lot of them on the Internet and maybe even on Youtube.
Please keep us posted.
Similar situations here with 4th grader
I also would think they would know better at that age, but obviously my child did not. Similar things happened to mine, not DS games as they are not allowed to leave the house, but with other things. We explained to him that it was his mistake and you can't trust everyone, even friends. He has had to deal with it on his own. It took a few tiems and now he has finally learned his lesson. Sometimes they have to learn the hard way I think. Even though I don't like feeling like I lost money but he's the one who lost the game, not me. He has to deal with the consequences.
Diets - there are all sorts
but I lost 35 pounds just by going on the treadmill everyday for 2 miles at 3.5 speed. I also decreased my calorie intake and cut quantity of food... Doesn't cost anything to do this but it worked for me. Try this and you won't have to pay for Nutrisystem food which is costly.
There are all sorts of scholarships out there.
My second college-bound child is applying for scholarships right now. My first is in his second year at college, and he is at a state school, but he's received some scholarships from sources that did no require he attend a state school. My second has a real assortment of applications to deal with. I also went to college out-of-state with a few scholarships I cobbled together from various sources. That was way back in the day, though, before there was internet. My sons found most of their scholarships by searching the internet and also through their guidance counselors at school. My first son, in particular, is just not a wonderful student. He's a solid C student with an occasional B thrown in here and there. Even he was able to find a couple of scholarships that fit the bill.
Scholarships are given to all types of students for all sorts of reasons. You just have to be willing to spend some time searching. Have your child stop at the guidance office. They will have lots of information to get her started. Once you get into the process of it all, you'll find that one bit of information leads to another and then another.
Incidentally, I studied broadcasting, as well! I didn't finish in that major, but I really loved those two years. I went to Temple University in Philadelphia, which as a fantastic degree programs in broadcasting/film/radio.
The dog needs a leader and
one way to become the pack leader is to watch Cesar at work on his show, The Dog Whisperer. There is nothing wrong with using a crate. Dogs are denning animals and this offers security. You don't beat the dog until he goes in; instead, you reward the dog with a special toy or chew (like a Kong full of some sort of food). To reduce calories, you can make dinner smaller and give part of the kibble inside the Kong mixed with something sticky. She needs to have rules that reinforce her position as leader. The puppy needs to stay off beds and couch and people. Affection is held until the puppy is acting calm and relaxed. Cesar has books as well as a show. If other people live with the woman, everybody has to cooperate. It takes a lot of educating of an owner. It is hard not to act all crazy around the dog and get them reved up, but it takes self-discipline to remain calm and show leadership, not shouting, when the puppy isn't acting calm and submissive.
there are all sorts of what ifs and whys but sometimes we never know that answer sm
other than God has a plan we can't explain. future thorough testing might help on yours and your hubby's side. sometimes there is just a fluke and sometimes a blighted ovum. might not always get an answer but hopefully you will. email me privately if you wish.
Mine was a typo of sorts
I went back and changed the title without proofreading after the change. It initially was correct with "an" in there before I started changing words. :)
Pack leader
Some dogs are very strong personalities and need to have a strong-minded person as an owner that has no doubt as to who is leader of the pack (and it should not be the dogs). If the dogs are dictating who is allowed in and out and who the territory belongs to, they are in charge and as you pointed out, it isn't the breed so much as the owner.
LOL - it's Cheney who is OUR LEADER...LOL
try gentle leader
You can also try using a product called Gentle Leader. It goes around the dog's head and is not considered cruel by pet trainers. The dog can open their mouth and function normally, but the idea is that it pulls in an unusual way and makes the dog keep their head up. My dog is just as frustrating as yours. They get used to the constant pulling at their neck and think it is normal. Retraining was too hard and frustrating for me so I used this product that was recommended by a dog trainer at Petsmart. Although he is still kind of a pain, I don't have near the amount of trouble walking my dog anymore. I just keep him on a short leash at the beginning of the walk and close to my side until he calms down from the excitement. When he behaves he gets more leash. When he is naughty and pulling he gets about a foot of leash. It works well for us.
I agree. People put problems or situations on this board to get - sm
advice from others on this board. There are many different types of advice given and that is generally what the poster is looking for. Those of us who have given our lives to the Lord, have found that it turned our lives around and given us great joy, as well as helped us through many times of hurt and fear. We like to share this with others, especially when they are seeking advice on how to get through their own fear. As Jan said, if you do not want to read this than don't. I did notice however that you did not offer any advice for the poster to help with her fears and anxieties. You just used it as an opportunity to slam those of us who are trying to help.
My VA license is already a tracking device of sorts - sm
I can't remember where I was but they took my license and scanned the bar code on the back of it. All my info. popped up on their computer, I was floored. Take a look at your current license and see if it has a bar code on it. I just got a new one a couple months ago since I got my CDL; but I think my old one (about a year old) had it too. As for requiring the above to get the license, I am sure that is only for new applicants and not current, regardless I don't think it really matters, they have all that information already; this just confirms it and compiles it in one place. They can track me all they want, PA and VA has my fingerprints (gun permit and my bus driving job); even UPS took them years ago when I applied there. Believe the the gov't has all your info. if you are a legal U.S. resident.
Do you think the ONE world leader has been born yet? If so, who.
nm
Ask your religious leader what he thinks about
it -- isn't that why they make those tithe envelopes with stubs on them? I claim all deductions that I have a record of.
Mine informs me of these sorts of things all the time (sm)
He usually doesn't miss the actual entire holiday though -just goes early that morning or something. It is very aggravating. I don't know what to say because I end up arguing about it. If my husband was trying to be gone for the entire Thanksgiving holiday I would have a fit.
Sounds like a former Boy Scout...what does he
keep in there?
Eagle Scout
A gift would be very appropriate. When my son got his Eagle, he was tired of working on it, tired of the committment, but now 7 years later he realizes it was one of the best things he did. Very prestigious, shows committment and integrity. A gift would certainly be a lovely gesture
Yes, those and a whole cannister of Boy Scout
caramel popcorn with peanuts. They wouldn't give a refund since it had been opened and maybe 1/8 of the bag was gone. Makes me wonder now if that's why we had the stomach bug... maybe it was salmonella instead.
They found the missing Boy Scout
Girl Scout cookies are here!
I love Girl Scout cookies!
They are $4 a box this year. I always tell the little girls they were 50 cents a box when I sold them and they look at me like, okay, old lady, just buy the cookies.
Girl Scout Cookies
My daughter is a Girl Scout so we bought quite a few boxes. I love the thin mint and could probably eat a whole box myself in one day. They're $3.50 here, but every year I swear the cookies get smaller and smaller.
Help me think of U words for a Cub Scout Game.
I'm running a cub pack meeting tonight and have a guessing game for the boys to keep them busy before the meeting starts. The theme of the meeting is "Magic", and they are putting their hands into holes cut into shoe boxes. Each box is labeled with the letters H-O-C-U-S P-O-C-U-S. Each box contains an item that begins the letter on the box. The boys can't see in the box, They have to guess what's in the box by touching the item. I'm having a hard time thinking of and finding "U" items to put in those two boxes. Can you help?
Opinion needed regarding Eagle Scout Award
My nephew is receiving his Eagle Scout Award on Saturday. Are we suppose to give him a gift of some sort? I told my mother that I did not think so since he had a lot of donations from our town. What is your opinion? In case anyone is curious for his project he beautified the VFW Hall in his town by planting a memorial garden. I am always impressed with boys who stick with scouts until the age of 18.
How to find Girl Scout cookies where you live
http://www.girlscoutcookies.org/
The above link will locate you nearest GS Council. If you call them you can either order your cookies directly from here or contact your local council.
Good Luck and Happy Cookie eating. 
Scout out baked goods in your local gourmet shops, etc. and make
s
Boy scout son used to make pepperoni and marshmallow fluff roll-ups for the trail.
nm
If you've got one, you've got bunches!
How do ya feel about cats? That's what I'd do...get a cat...but I love cats and love it when they bring me 'presents' of dead varmints.
If that's not an option, and you're not comfortable with baiting, glue traps, or that sort of thing, it'd be worth it to hire a professional 'cridder ridder' or exterminator. Those things will chew up your walls and floorboards like you have no idea and cause incredible amounts of damage. Good luck in your jihad!
I've done this 12 yrs and I've had to take breaks sm
Took a break and worked at my kids preschool one year, worked at a hospital one year, took a couple months off once. It does burn you out because it takes all of your concentration. When I worked at the hospital as a secretary I could not believe how easy the job was ;-) I was sooo used to just getting paid for actual work that when I had a conversation with a coworker or a phone call or took lunch, I felt like I was getting away with a lot! I hope your break works out!! I wish you lived close-by, we could take turns watching each others kids ;-)
I've been using...
Zicam severe congestion. It gives me temporary relief and I've been taking Singulair, but originally nasal discharge was clear, this morning it was yellow (don't mean to gross anybody out). Could it have turned into a sinus infection? And if so, is it time to see the doctor??
I've tried that...
I've done that along with changing my diet but still no relief. I just received an e-mail saying to try vitamin E which is what I am going to try next.
Thanks a bunch.....
I will try that too, I've had enough of this...sm
where to I go to do this, remove IE7 and reinstall IE6.
TIA
oh yea, we've been through that one . . SM
My husband is the type of person that avoids conflict, does not want to face it, because if you pretend it's not there, it isn't, right???? Yea. He was in counseling for a while, but never went back after a few times. He really felt like last night was a punch in the face, like it's a game or something . . . like if you look the part, you ARE the part.
I've been there...
Hang in there...
I have one, but I've only had it for a day
I definitely can't do more than a minute on it, as it REALLY targets my inner thighs. I can really feel it working already, but I don't know what the benefit is going to be to everything it states, i.e. thighs, abs, back. I did a lot of research before I bought it and the only negatives I found were about ordering it through the company's website. So, I ordered it through QVC and saved a lot of money. Plus I received it only 3 days after I ordered it with no extra shipping charge.
A few I've seen....
The Wedding Date
Must Love Dogs
In Her Shoes
The Family Stone
In Good Company
What's the most you've ever won? sm
How did you win it?
I've with you on that! --nm
nm
LOL, I've seen some of those!
I admit it, I must be a pervert 'cause I think it's hysterical.
I've been on it
now going on 3 weeks and love it. I never use up my points and am always full. Best thing is you can still eat the foods you love. I only purchased the starter kit and did not join. I feel better and have lost weight and best of all I'm never hungry. But, like everything else, 1 diet doesn't fit all. I've tried Nutrisystem, Adkins,Right Size Smoothies, and Medifast and they didn't work for me. So far WW has worked. Also, you don't have to give up the "cool ones" on this plan.
me too - I've been doing this for over 9 (sm)
Same problem, and it doesn't go away overnight. Mostly my right (pedal) foot. Is yours?
I think I've seen something like this
But can't remember which one...a bride having her bridesmaids sign a contract, yeah right...I'd tell her exactly where she could put all her demands...geez!
We've actually done that (sm)
There is, unfortunately, an "out", meaning that if they have ever been invited to call (We refi'd our house and had been calling mortgage brokers, etc) they are exempt from the list, at least in New York. So it could be a brokerage or something trying to drum up business (not my problem)but all I have is an 866 number to go by, no name on the caller-ID. I wonder if you can get them back on the list after your business is finished.
I've been there
I understand. For 17 years I dealt with this, always feeling like I was never doing enough, if only I could do more then maybe.... I became very ill myself because of it. I had no life of my own, -- I lived for the next crisis, just like you -- and no one could understand, not even my doctor. I didn't find peace until I took the burden off my shoulders and put it on His--until I realized I had a responsibililty to God for my own life and I was losing my life, my freedom to find His Will for me and do it, to someone else's addiction. In this case, it was my mothers's. She was there night and day as well, no escaping. I gave up my outside job and worked from home too. I finally had to move in order to remain sane and THEN other family members had to start doing their share of helping out while I tried to regain some sense of self. It wasn't until then that she even got a clue that I had a right to my own life.
Your daughter, loved though she be, is robbing you of your life. That is not right. But I don't know of a stronger bond than that between a mother and a daughter no matter what problem may arise. One can never really walk away, forget it, etc. like so many will tell you to do. Inside, that bond lives strong. All you can do is find a way to deal with it, a way that is fair to you, healthy for you, a way that will keep you strong or else she will take you down with her.
For me, it was distancing myself physically and praying for her. I realized for all my love of her, only He could make the changes in her, and He did once I acknowledged how true the words are, "Without Me, you can do nothing." Now I pray for and expect miracles if it so be His Will when I have problems I cannot resolve. It brings great peace and strength -- and HOPE because I've seen first-hand how prayer made with faith truly does bring them and I don't feel like I am carrying the burden all by myself anymore and then I accept whatever He lets happen, realizing He in His wisdom knows more than I.
Talk to a therapist -- tell them what you've just written here. Again, they might have access to resources you don't know about. If their advice sounds harsh, and it probably will, listen anyway. Consider it. Your life DOES matter too. But don't ever lose hope in God. Ask for the strength and courage to do what must be done for the sake of the both of you and grace for her to change. Nothing is impossible for Him to do. Nothing.
Have you read the books by Melodie Beattie? They help. Feel free to e-mail me if you wish.
Oh thank God. I've been following this sm
and have been just sickened by the whole thing. What a pretty little girl. Such a terrible thing to happen to an innocent child.
N/T - That's what I've been doing
I've been watching a lot of episodes, or at least bits and pieces of them online to get caught up. Some things still confuse me. The new season looks really good.
I don't think I've met one since
I was a kid. You're right - it is a very alert breed. It could run very fast and bark, definitely running a tight ship, even if it was on dry land.
They are very beautiful dogs, and live longer than any breed, which sounds really good to me.
Yes I've had it (sm)
and it is very annoying, but it did go away. I just tried to get my exercise and sleep and do some facial stretching exercises where I stretch and relax my jaw and other facial muscles. I try to pretend the twitch isn't there, and pretty soon it isn't.
Hope it quits soon.
Yes I've had one
I had one a few years ago...not that bad, just uncomfortable. It only takes a few minutes. It's like a large needle that they insert through a small incision over the area in question. It suctions a bit of tissue out and that's it. Mine was benign. Good luck to you!
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