Adopted Kids......
Posted By: Should I tell the kids they are adopted? on 2007-05-28
In Reply to:
I know somebody who has 2 kids who are adopted. The kids are 9 and 11 years old. Should I tell the kids they are adopted? Everybody knows and someday somebody will slip up and the kids will resent the parents.
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Some adopted kids have a lot of issues
I had a friend who adopted 2 kids and she said you had to walk a fine line between making their birth mother a saint who selflessly gave them up, or a villain who didn't want them. Unfortunately a lot of these kids think of their mother in one of those two categories. So they find themselves longing for the childhood they didn't have (if they think she was a saint) or struggle with feelings of worthlessness (if they think she didn't want them.)
Personally, I think it is a noble and selfless thing to give up a child who you know you cannot raise and I admire you. I'm sure it was not an easy thing to do. Hopefully your child will find a way to resolve their own issues because they have put you in an untenable position.
I was adopted
and didn't find out until 2 years ago!
As a parent of an adopted
child, I would definitely say the answer is 'no" and it is for this very reason that my husband and I have from the beginning talked to our son about the fact that he is special because he is adopted - we wanted to be the ones to tell him the truth rather than him hear it from someone else. This is definitely something that the parents should do and should do so when they feel comfortable talking about it with their children...My son is 6 and he knows he is adopted. He understands that he came from someone elses belly (he's my heart baby as we have told him. We answer his questions when he asks them and tell him just want he asked for - divulging nothing else to confuse him - take for instance at 4 is when he noticed my SIL's pregnant belly and knew the baby was there - he at that point put 2-n-2 together and realized something was up - which prompted us to talk about him being from someone else's belly. Then a few months ago he asked about this other person - why she didn't keep him, what was her name....(yes we were very surprised as our social worker said little boys are usually much older before they really inquire!)...but we answered his questions reinforcing the positives of being adopted because he had brought us so much happiness and that this other woman did love him enough to know she couldn't raise him and loved him enough to give him to us -making us a family! Sorry for rambling....adoption issues usually get me on a soap box sometimes!! Either way the answer to your question is definitely not your place to tell - leave it up to the parents.
I recently adopted a cat
from a rescue facility. She is a total sweetheart and so petite! I named her Tinkerbell. She shed like crazy at first but I think it was nerves because now a couple weeks later she has stopped shedding and seems to have settled in nicely, plays with my other cat (male) and loves my dog!
The only thing I've noticed is she is a bit gassy - not a lot but at times worse than others. My question is, is there something I can give her otc to help with her "problem"? 
She looks just like my adopted dog, Brandy!
Brandy also is a notorious snorer. But she's such a good dog.
Here's the kitty I just adopted!
She's an 8 year old Exotic Shorthair Persian named Charlotte. Her little tongue sticks out all the time, 'cuz her face is so flat & her mouth is so small. She's tiny - and only weighs about 5-1/4 lbs. right now. Needs to gain a pound or two.) She's a total cuddle-bug!
(She just came out to say hi to me - she was annoyed with me earlier because I had to give her a pill. Not easy with that tiny little mouth!) Whenever I'm on the computer, she sits on the back of my chair and "helps".
Ditto this!! If you adopted me, then you
could be the greatest grandma that I wished my kids had now. Mom and did don't live too far from us (couple of hours) but don't make any extra efforts to spend time with the grandkids. Apparently, their idea of grandparents and mine are different. I remember spending nights at my grandparents and tooling around in their garden, building train sets, going for walks and adventures and even walking down to the corner donut shop with my g'pa for donuts and coffee(hot chocolate) every saturday morning. I practically beg for my parents to come down - I send them schedules of the kids activities, special school events, everything but there is always a reason they can't come (mainly they don't want to leave any of their critters alone for any length of time - but they are willing to animal sit for their neighbors all the time). At Christmas, the kids get one outfit and a book. If you ask me - to all the grandparents on this board - spoil them with your time, hug them, kiss them, and keep on creating memories.
Sorry, didn't mean to rattle on but this is always a touchy subject in my household because I had such fond memories growing up but my kids will have none of that.
I just adopted a declawed cat
who was abandoned. she looks like she has no toes, with floppy little hair tufts and going the wrong directions. Like other poster said, she does not cover her stuff in the litter box (maybe feels she cannot manage it) and her attitude is so defensive to the other cats, even after a month, and i wonder if it isn't because she feels so defenseless. I sure would not do it to a cat.
I have some friends who adopted 2 of them;
The more I see them, the more I like them. If I had room for a dog, I'd consider a retired racing greyhound!
We have adopted several pets from shelters
nm
Don't laugh, but we also adopted a rooster
A rogue rooster was hanging around the back of a convenience store my husband goes past every day and we knew he must have gotten off a truck or got lost somehow, because there is no place around here to keep a chicken. Anyhoo, he was determined to catch that rooster and he and my son went and rounded him up with a net... he is now sitting on our deck in the back yard crowing every morning around 6, as soon as he sees a touch of light. I know our neighbors think we are now the Beverly Hillbillies. I have named him Elvis and he is already spoiled. We have a friend who owns a miniature horse farm and she is going to come and pick him up. She has only one hen and now Elvis will have a lady in his life. Thank goodness!!!
Here is our Becky (recently adopted)
Becky loves to cuddle and loves to get her belly rubbed. She would rather be in your lap, but is content to lay at your feet if that's where you prefer her. Becky enjoys her toys and will even carry them around the house and toss them for herself. She knows commands like "sit" and "come", and she comes when called 100% of the time. If you lay on the floor with her while you watch TV and scratch her ears or stroke her fur, she will go right to sleep. Just be sure to have the remote handy so you can turn up the volume once the snoring starts. :)
This is my other kitty, adopted 10 months ago.
This is Xanadu - a 2-year-old calico Persian. When I first got her (both came from Persian & Himalayan Cat Rescue in Mill Valley), I figured she'd be happiest as an only cat. But after 10 months of careful observation and getting to know her really well, I decided she needed a companion. She had a pretty traumatic history with other cats at her original home, one of whom scratched her cornea, so her new friend had to be exactly the right cat. And as always, the people at rescue matched me up with the PERFECT kitty-companion in Charlotte, the one posted below.
At the rescue where I adopted my cats, they have - sm
volunteers to clean cages & feed kitties, and one day when I was there they had a girl (about 12 years old) who was actually getting some kind of school credit for coming every day to socialize and play with a large litter of kittens so that they'd be adoptable. It was so cute to see her in the kitten-room playing with the little feather-wand with them. They were jumping all over the place, climbing in her lap, etc. They LOVED her! They ALL got adopted, (and they were all BLACK kitties, too!) So that girl did a wonderful service to all the kittens.
My children have adopted a baby pig - sm
My ex-husband went to the feed store and a man was there talking about how his hog had only had one baby and that it would "not be worth the trouble to let her raise it". My ex-husband asked him what he was going to do with the little one, and he said if he couldn't get rid of it that he would just kill it. My ex-husband told the man he would take the little pig. Long story short, our kids are feeding the baby pig with a bottle. Her name is Pinkie. They are in love, LOL. I asked him what made him decide to take this little pig, and he said, "We watched Charlotte's Web the night before, and I just couldn't stand the thought of him killing that little pig." I am praying that Pinkie makes it.
Oh, the chows and the rott are right in there with not being able to be adopted
as they also fall into that same category, aggressive and just was at the animal shelter this morning (run by police department at this particular place) and lots of pits there and they are not adopted out. That is the bottom line so must hold some truth in it whether people believe or not. There was a case of a 60 something year old man recently killed by his son's pit, family dog, he had been around for a long time, knew well, just the breed.
Gracie has been adopted with a good person
Dobermans are misunderstood. They love their people, they are protective and noble. They love to follow you around the house and be with you. They need patience in training. They love to run. Please, if anyone knows of an abusive case, get invovled. Visit Doberman Rescue.
I hope you get him! I just adopted a 2nd rescue kitty - sm
on Thursday. She's a 7-year-old Exotic Shortnair Persian with the cutest little personality and face! Her tongue sticks out all the time (VERY flat face!), and she's tiny, only weighs about 5 or 6 pounds. She looks a little bit like "Yoda" from Star Wars. My other Persian is interested, but still feeling threatened and hissing a lot. But today, only 2 days later, they're at least coexisting peacefully. Hopefully in a few weeks they'll be FRIENDS.
I have adopted older cats for just that reason.
Kittens are cute as a button but they can destroy in no time flat. I had 1 kitten who grew into a wonderful loving cat, but vowed never to get a kitten again. I adopt cats who are a year old or better, declawed, fixed, and thoroughly enjoy the heck out of them and, yes, they enjoy being lazy sometimes just like their mom!
Why hasn't that hospital adopted the *Time Out*
The entire surgical team is involved in the *Time Out* and *Pause for the Cause* (called different things in different states). All involved in the surgery standing in the OR at that moment must be in agreement on confirming the correct patient, correct procedure, correct site of procedure, correct position of the patient, etc.
I went in for surgery and they asked me multiple times to repeat my name and the procedure I was coming in for as I went through multiple rooms on the gurney.
That is really scary that these types of errors are still going on.
Obviously, that is a hospital I wouldn't even take my dog to.
AW he is soooo cute. We just adopted Chip last week - sm
He is what the shelter called a beagle mix, but if he is mixed with anything I will eat my hat... Okay I do not have a hat, but I would be surprised...LOL.
Here is a pic of him..
[IMG]http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o182/mamahawn/chip3.jpg[/IMG].
I hope your transition is as easy as ours was. We have 2 other rescue doggies, both lab mixes and female and the three of them were fast friends. Of course we have no diningroom left with 3 creats in it, but who cares...
It didn't work out due to combining of kids and step kids. nm
*
Nope, no kids with him, all of our kids are 20 and over.
I would think that some of the $12,000 A YEAR he paid in support for over 9 years should have been enough to save some for college. He paid his dues so to speak, always paid the support on time, had insurance for them, etc. He told them straight up to pay for their own college. Is there something wrong with that?
ESL kids have a label =$$$. When the illiterate kids get a label slapped on them - they will get a
Most public schools do not teach children to read with intensive phonics. It has nothing to do with class size IMHO. The method of reading instruction is what determines if the kids will learn to read or not.
Consider homeschooling her.
Each child represents a $ amount to public school administration. As long as the child attends they get their $. They still get X amount of $ for each year they teach or do not teach a kid to read.
Their compensation is not reduced when they produce illiterate adults.
I believe my kids would still believe . .
had I not got totally busted by my 10-year-old son. My 7-year-old still believes. I always asked as my kids if they believe and when they said yes, I said that that is all that is important. My son caught me playing the EB last Easter. He said to me yesterday, "Come on, a giant bunny hopping around the country bringing easter baskets? How long did you expect me to fall for that?" I about split a gut laughing!!! However, both older children know how important it is to let the 7YO believe, we all watched Polar Express last night and they still were mesmerized!!!
I think a LOT of men are like that with kids
Maybe because since such a high % of marriages end in divorce, some of them keep a distance there. After all, when divorces happen, who gets the kids? Also, women tend to take charge when it comes to the kids and men tend to allow it. I truly believe that kids do not always strengthen a marriage but often the opposite. I have seen statistics stating that more couples with children get divorced than those who don't have any. Interesting, huh? JMO
That's why I won't have kids.
I have totally turned off the need/want to have kids, because I know my husband could never handle it. I don't want to be a single parent...especially a married single parent, know what I mean? It's an incredible commitment and they don't stay portable and nonverbal for long.
What do your kids
What do your kids call you and your spouse? Would you mind if they changed it, as in Mom instead of Mommy, as they got older? My kids call me Mom. If they call me Ma......I correct them, I don't LIKE it!! My son's GF calls me Mommy or Mom, I don't mind. My DIL calls me by my first name, I don't mind that either. I have a stepson, he also calls me Mom.
I do but only to keep an eye on my kids. NM
x
Hello......if you want your kids to know...
about STDs and how not to get pregnant, YOU teach them. Why should there have to be programs about that at all? If you want them to have condoms, you buy them, don't ask the school nurse to hand them out. As to the genius of a President...at least he is trying. The one before him was hardly an advertisement for wise choices where sex is concerned ala black dress and use of cigars in a way that NO one ever intended...and committed felony perjury while a sitting President. Oh, but, heck....who cares, right?? Geeeezzz. Gimme a break.
Hello, yourself. If I had kids, I would...sm
Teach them those things. And if you're questioning why there s/b sex ed programs in school at all, why do you seem to be defending the current abstinence-only ones? They're worse than nothing at all because they give inadequate and downright *false* information. How is not having all the facts (or having the wrong "facts") ever a good thing? Just doesn't make any sense to me. If you want Bush to get credit because "at least he's trying" well, that seems like a pretty low standard for the president of our country.
Now as far as Clinton, I never said I was a fan. You're assuming an awful lot there. I don't even want to get into that.
I was one of four kids (sm)
and I was always wishing that my twin sister and I could have parents of our own. Living with mean older siblings was no fun!
Once again, your kids are still not that old
but when my son married, completely absorbed into not only his wifes life (which I am the first to say she comes first) but also her family and I basically just lost a son. Just swallowed up by her side and you would not know he really had a mother anymore. Quit trying on that end some time ago.
Especially with little kids
nm
Buy them, but keep away from little kids, sm
When my daughter was 2 or 3, she got her hands on one of the poppies in the back seat and must have pulled it apart and put the plastic middle up her nose. We didn't know in the beginning what was there, but after a visit to her pediatrician who couldn't get at it, a trip to the emergency room, a 5 hour wait for an ENT guy with the correct equipment to retrieve it, we discovered it was the middle of the poppy. Since then, whenever I see them selling the poppies, I tell them to warn parents with little kids to keep the poppies away from the kids.
I don't even have kids, and I
think that's coooooolllld.
It's really not nice to try to be scientific or philosophical with somebody who is going through a loss and expresses sorrow.
Did Jesus tell Lazarus' family, "Hey, dont worry about it; we'll all see him in heaven soon!" No, he took pity on them in their sorrow. That's how He is. Let's try to mirror Him, not philosophists and scientists when it comes to people who are hurting.
Probably more the kids
Love my marriage and don’t mind the divorces until I got it right. The kids are ok as long as infant, toddlers and then they grow up. Not my cup of tea anymore.
Kids going out
I have no problem with it, but there's always upwards of 10 children and at least 3 adults to supervise out all the time, but I would never let my youngest go out alone under any circumstances. We have a very quiet neighborhood, but you never know.
Some men have kids, but then
continue to spend as if they are still single. I can't believe how often I see this. They complain when the wife buys clothes, but when he buys something it has an engine and it's a big, dangerous toy!
That's why I can see why some women might want to hide money. Of course not all men are like that.
I used to buy my kids
those paint-by-numbers kits. Kept them occupied for a short time. Also go to a dollar store and load up on some new toys and books without spending a fortune.
She has kids as well
That was the deal - we were taking both of our kids to do something fun together.
kids
My DD (17 YO) has been getting her self up for years on her own. My mom bought her an alarm clock and she started using that to get up on her own. Now my DS on the other hand, is 20 and I still have to wake him up for work...go figure. I think girls are just more responsible that way.
kids...
I've had both of mine doing their own laundry for about 3-4 years now, since my DD was about 12 and DS about 15, maybe younger. My DD could take care of her own place right now (16 YO), but my DS (20 YO) is another story...maybe it doesn't have anything to do with gender after all...
kids...
Oooh, me too! They do their own bathroom, laundry, and bedrooms. I have my own to worry about. It hasn't killed them yet!
No kids, nothing
could make me stay around to be miserable. I feel most of the times I read these posts the women really do not want to live and use children as their reason for staying. I do not think I could ever say I have been miserable, that is really bad. Only you would be able to change your life and only if you want to. Good luck.
I don't even have kids and I still
wouldn't date somebody 20 years younger than me. I happen to like having a few things in common with my mate. However, 5 years younger instead of older would have its advantages, LOL.
Took my kids to see
Billy Ray Cyrus last night and have to admit it was great! That was their first concert and of course now, he is "Hannah Montana's Dad" They really had fun though! He actually sang Achy Breaky Heart while playing his guitar and barely wiggled a hip through the whole song!
Kids!! UGH!!
They can fill you with such joy and pride and then WHAM! You now understand why some animals eat their young.
I had a very similar experience with my braniac son who became a complete and utter imbecile freshman year of college over the girlfriend he was leaving behind.
What about this: Forget the phone, texting, IM-ing, etc. You can't control him and the more you try, the worse it will be. Your concern should be that he maintains good grades. You sit your son down and tell him you will continue to pay for/support him while he goes to the school he is currently attending. If he chooses to leave the school and give up the scholarship, that is his decision, but if he does that, he's on his own. You signed up to send him to school where he is now. He got the scholarship (for 4 years?), and he got a car. You can offer to pay for the new school where the girl of his dreams (this year) is at, the same amount you would be paying had he remained at the old school. Any costs above and beyond are his. If he does transfer, sell the car - he didn't keep his part of the bargain. I am assuming the car is in your name, insured under your policy. He has to learn to be a man of his word and has to suffer the consequences of not holding up his end of the deal. It is not the end of the world. He will/she will meet someone else and then you can enjoy a whole new set of dramas! My son threatened to pack up his stuff and hop the next train home if I didn't pick him up at school and bring him back. I told him you go right ahead and buy that train ticket, but you will need to find a place to live when you get back because the locks will be changed here. I have caller ID and I did not answer his calls for a while after that. As with you, this all took place first semester. He finally decided to "try" to tough out the year. A week later he loved school, broke up with the bimb...ah, girlfriend, and he's now in his 3rd year at the same college.
Time to put some responsibility on your son. You can offer advice, but punishing, demanding, etc. an 18-year-old does not work. Staying calm and rational and explaining consequences is far more effective.
Time to let go a little, mom, and put some of this on him. He's thinking with the wrong body part and he's only thinking about the here and now, not the next 3 years, like the majority of 18-year-old boys do.
Hang in there! Parenting is not for the weak. That drama with my son made me lose 5 pounds, 2 weeks of sleep and half a head of hair, but I did survive.
If she has 10y. IUD, how did he get 2 kids with her?
x
did ya have kids w/him? If so, ask the kids...
if there are children with him, from him....they might want them...or another one of his relatives I would think.....
Congrats on getting remarried....
Everyone gets their kids SO MUCH!! sm
My son is 10 and had an XBox 360 on his list as well as a computer of his own...we told him both were too expensive. We told him we would get the XBox 360 as a gift for him and his sister to share and Guitar Hero III to go with it, but he didn't want to share. So we felt that if it wasn't important enough for him to be willing to share it, then it must not be that important. Our two kids got gifts that totaled about $250-300 each. Since then everyone we know has show us what their kids got for Christmas. Our neighbor's kids, ages 8 and 9, got iPod Nanos each and a Wii system to share! Another friend got her 7 year old a nice Karoake system and a laptop for her room. Half the fifth graders we know have their own computer and their own cell phone! What in the world!!!??
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