Accepted in the family that you married into?
Posted By: into? on 2007-09-24
In Reply to:
How many people are REALLY accepted into the family that they married into? I don't just mean the EXTREME cases of, "You STOLE my son, you brazen hussy!" but the more subtle stuff too.
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Totally accepted by DH's fam but not by my own family
Hubbies mom, sis and brothers make myself, our child and my children from a previous marriage feel so comfortable (I will not bring up their jealous spiteful wives) however my own mother, father, brother and sister make myself, DH and our kids feel like outsiders.
I was totally accepted by my 1st husband's family but
when I married my second husband, I was never accepted by his mother. Of course, she didn't even like my husband. The rest of his family accepted me and that was all that mattered.
The funny thing is...when she was dying, she asked me to forgive her for all the nasty things she did to me and of course, I did. It wasn't her fault she was like that. Life made her that way.
Between the 2 MIL's, I'd take the first hubby's mother any time. We spoke and visited even after the divorce, even invited them to parties we (2nd husband and I) because he liked them too. . . and they always came. I miss them.
I could not be accepted by MIL
as she died before we married but I wish I had known her- if she was anything like the man she raised, I would have loved her as much as I love her son. I see the rest of his family here and there but everyone is out of town but all on good terms.
Definitely accepted
I love my in-laws. My husband is one of 10 (some step) and we all get along really well. I don't have a sister, so my sister-in-law and I are very close and I consider her my sister. I don't know what I'd do if they didn't like me. I can't imagine being married to someone and not being able to get along with their family.
Accepted - but my MIL drives
So I keep my distance. She's a martyr at times and very gossipy so you have to watch what you say around her. SIL takes advantage of her all the time. I try to remain cordial and let DH worry and deal with her.
Totally accepted
I was totally accepted. My MIL is one of my best friends, even after the divorce. Still talk with the brothers and wifes although not as much as before but I still feel accepted but now because I am me and not his wife. So there are nice in-laws out there. Can also say that my family has always accepted spouses into the family, may not be our best friends but have always been accepted and treated well. My brother sure put this to the test with his six wives but we liked all of them and probably more than him. Still in contact with several as he had children and my mother when she was alive never lost contact with any of the grandchildren or even step-grandchildren when it came to birthdays, Christmas or whatever when there was a divorce. Anyway, there are good in-laws or ex in-laws out there. Patti
Totally accepted
My FIL was a better father to me than my own dad. My MIL said she learned more about her son's life from me than she ever did from him (that's true).
And after my MIL passed away, my FIL remarried a few years later, and I was fortunate enough to get another SUPER MIL who has been not only my friend but the best grandmother I could ever ask for to my son.
Am I lucky, or what? I feel very, very blessed.
Absolutely accepted!
I love my in-laws! They're really great. My husband wasn't very close with his family growing up, but is now that I love being around his family. He's also close with my family, so we are very lucky to have both sides of our family to be friends with and we love having everyone over for bbq's during the summer. Then again, I'm the kind of person that gets along with everyone and I like to think that everyone has at least some good in them and I think this definitely helps with being accepted into other peoples' families.
Totally accepted
I was immediately accepted by everyone in his family, and they all loved me right off. His mother is constantly buying me things, even though I don't exactly like all of the things that she gets me!
Accepted for who we are and not for what people perceive us to be. sm
Looking at most of my relationships now that are bitter or no more, this seems to be the case. My 2 SILs hate me with everything in their being and I've never been anything but myself around them. This is a very hard pill to swallow. To not be accepted for who you are.
Thank God I found Joyce Meyer. She's ON MY SIDE! I love it!
Your apology is accepted, Ella...sm
I've never had a person apologize on here to me. :)
But wait! Act now and I will throw in one for free! Check or M.O. accepted. nm
s
You don't need a proposal; you've already accepted. Go to a jeweler and pick one out together
s
But this is not a school-wide accepted teaching practice, it is individual (nm)
x
Family is great but I am never back in my hometown where family is... So I always have extended fami
You can always pick your friends your stuck with your family. An Xmas for me is where my husband and kids come home to. It is what you make it!
Summer. Friends or family? Family. Tired or Awake?
x
Big difference between family values and family jewels, eh? lol
LOL. I love this show. I think Gene and Shannon and her sister are a riot! What characters. It really is amazing to me the kids seem so laid back and so normal. They seem like great kids.
Does your family still do the early Sunday dinner w/family?
s
I married the same man 3 times and still married to him.
Together for almost 29 years now. 
SIL family, us and another family snacked,played
x
Married?
I get the idea this guy might possibly be married and living with his wife in another city. If you continue to see him, 2 months is no time to clamp down on him to ask him about where the relationship is going. You sound as if the situation desperate. If not married on his part (I probably would check this out really good)you give a man plenty of rope. If they care for you, they will be there like a little puppy dog, if not then you have your answer. Again check for a license.....Living in another city, seeing you once a week, sounds really like a hmmmmmmm to me.
Are we married to the same man?...sm
Im stuck in the same situation pretty much. My husband does very little to help me in any way, shape, or form except when it suits him. I do the bills, most of the housework (he occasionally puts up dishes and sweeps the kitchen), all the child care (for 3), make all the phone calls, etc., everything. When I want to go somewhere there is always a big deal made...when he wants to go somewhere (even when I NEED him here so I can work if I get behind) he will go. I almost NEVER get out of the house without one or all children (if I get out)...when HE wants to go somewhere he does not want any of them to come. I think those so wondeful marriages are few. All I think about is leaving, but the kids....they love him. You cant work with someone when they wont work with you. 
did she know how he was before she married him?
nm
I think we are married to the same man!!
Not only does my husband blow EVERYTHING way out of proportion, but he suffers from narcissistic personality disorder! I lie to my husband anytime there is an issue that I know will really upset him and his own mother backs me up b/c she knows how enraged he becomes. I too feel guilty but having peace in my home is far more important to me. He definately needs some counseling and probably a good anti-depressant. I think the tape recording idea is excellent and I have always wanted to try it myself. Maybe if we let them see how ridiculous they sound they will wake up to their behavior. I feel for you b/c I have been in the same boat for 9 years now. I just keep praying and keeping the faith that one day he will change.....before I have a nervous breakdown!!
Very much married but ....
my eyes know beauty when I see it!
We had 2 --- they were my DHs before we married - sm
The one was a pure-bred with champion lines, the other a puppy mill dog. As stated below they can live very long. The PB lived to about 14 before she got cancer and we put her to sleep when she got too sick; the other was 16 before she got sick too and had to be put to sleep when she got too sick too. The first one was a bit mean though, fine with adults but did not like kids to mess with her and would bite/nip if a kid got to close; luckily she never made contact but not for lack of trying. We had to muzzle her at the vet. Great watchdog though. The other one was quite a yapper and dumb as a stick but quite a sweet dog and very loving, ate everything in sight though and she ended up quite porky. Sweet dog though. They are good dogs and I would not mind having another some day.
If you are not married I don't think you can do that - sm
though I am not sure about that, but it makes sense. He could add any kids they had but not the ex-wife. (he would have to lie and say they were married I believe) Also if for some reason his job pays for it then he is getting off scot free, though there are probably not many jobs that pay for it in full now days (my DHs used to pay for it until about 2 years ago, and now we pay but only about $150 a month for a family of 4, so it is a steal, and very good insurance luckily). Personally I would not do it, he should just try to pony up and pay a little more each month to get current again (get a second job if he has to); $1K is not that far behind, what 2 months maybe? He can just work a little harder to pay her.
You married her son, right?
Then apparently her way of bringing up a child did not harm him, is that true or did you marry some dunce? I guess she might have a little sense- you have to re-educate her?
was it like this when you first married...
nm
but most of these are not actually married sm
The man usually only marries the first wife and the rest are not legal marriages.
yep...got married.
sheezh
Where did you get married?
A church, city hall, a park, on a beach, on a sailboat, a private home, a cabin in the woods, other? Was it in the U.S. or a foreign country?
I got married (eloped) in a chapel. It had 4 pews in it. Made in the U.S.A.
We got married
in the country by my husband's nephew's backyard pond. It was beautiful. I walked down on a long white aisle runner and stood under a decorated trellis. Wouldn't have traded an outdoor wedding for the world.
had to be married twice the same day.
Married at a beautiful,famous restaurant in the state of Kentucky. Lived in Cincinnati, Ohio, which is right across the bridge from Kentucky. At the last minute the rabbi said "I can't marry you there, I am not a licensed Rabbi in the state of Kentucky. We were married legally early in the morning at 8:00 am at the rabbi's house in Cincinnati where he was licensed as a rabbi, in his flannel shirt, his wife in her housecoat to witness the wedding, my hair had not been done yet by the hairdresser and was standing on end, so much for the groom seeing the bride 24 hours prior. At 12:00 noon the wedding progessed in Kentucky with 350 guests and 32 yards of chantilly lace in my gown, but we were already married. The ceremony was for show only.
I was married at 17 and had her...
and she was married at 17 and had the first of my grandchildren. I am now 48 and have 7 of them....all is well and it's true, grandkids ARE better than your own! You can send them home when you are done spoiling them. BTW, both my daughters are done having kids, so that's it for me!
When I was married, my ex said..
...he was glad I didn't call all the time like some of the other men's wives did where he worked. We worked similar hours so I really didn't have the opportunity and neither did he to be on a telephone. When we separated though, he brought up the fact that I never called him and didn't sound interested the rare instance when he called me. Go Figure! I called if there was something that simply wouldn't wait until he got home and vice versa! I've never used the telephone like lots of people, even as a teenager. Do better with letters and cards, dinosaur that I am, and love email. My daughter lives about 1-1/2 hours away. She and I went on a short 3-day vacation when she and her fiance were engaged. He called 3-4 times a day and I became pretty irritated, even though I tried not to show it. I try to leave them alone to live their life and wish he would let us enjoy each other once in a while. She and my granddaughter came one evening to my house recently and we went to dinner and a gymnastics meet. They were here about 5 hours total and he called 3 times during that time!! Feels like he does not trust her. 
mostly yes (still married now x27 yr)
Would you ever date/marry.....
someone who is less educated than yourself?
I did. I had 2 yr of college, husband left school in 8th grade (to professional sport).
someone of a different race?
I've dated people of several different races. If all else was right, probably would.
someone whose parent's are divorced?
depends upon the sticktuitiveness of the person, and their moral compass.
someone who has bad credit or alot of bad debt?
Probably not, unless there were good explanations.
someone who is overweight or obese?
yes.
someone who affliates or supports a different political party than yourself?
Yes.
someone who is rude to customer service staff?
My husband was often rude and arrogant. Its not a good quality, but he has changed and so, I might do it again (if I were younger).
someone who talks a longtime on their cell phone when you are eating?
Probably not. That kind of inconsideration may be too hard to change.
someone who enjoys a different genre of music?
yes, mate does now.
someone who does not enjoy the same leisure activities as yourself?
yes, you don't have to do everything together. If you have the same morals, life goals, and some things you enjoy together, that would be sufficient.
someone who is a very picky eater or someone who is a vegeterian/vegan and you are not?
yes.
someone who prefers to spend leisure time alone or with friends (without you)?
Maybe not, unless it was a lesser part of of lesisure time spent away from me.
.....
not married but
met my fiance at a yard sale!
I was married outside the
Catholic church, and then later had my marriage sanctioned by my priest, after returning to the Catholic church. No problem. Does not matter where or if you were married at a different church first. My husband, who is not Catholic, just had to agree to raise our children Catholic. I would recommend your daughter and her Fiance consult a different priest at a neighboring parish, or possibly even contact your Diocese and express your concerns to the Bishop. I bet this would not be the first complaint on this priest. What this priest is asking of them them is not typical or normal of the Catholic Church. Sounds like he is on a power trip. Good luck!
bern
Are you sure they were acutally married??
Are you sure they actually got married? Now THAT would be a shocker. Wasn't he the one who dated all the beautiful high-maintenence women, and the one he picked was the kind of air-head blonde? I didn't know they actually were married. Where did you hear that? Wow...
Yes - the wedding was on TV, he married
he did marry the air-head, he called her princess.
Actually I am happily married
I have experienced this though with my in-laws. Grandmother divorcing grandfather as a matter of fact. She said she did not want my husband, nor I, nor my children talking to him simply because she was tired of him. She now calls him herself. But with such loss in our family grandparent-wise, I just did not think it was fair to the children to cut off yet another superb figure in their life. So, whatever their problem was belonged to them, not Pop-Pop and my children. It is just so often that children suffer in this manner. Family members just yanked from their lives because the parents have a hang-up. It just sounds like more of a jealousy issue on the mother's part in this case. Maybe she has a hard time accepting the fact that her ex has these girlfriends and her only pawn are the children. It happens over and over again. I am not a product of divorce, but my husband is and believe me it is no lie that children suffer even into adulthood for that matter. I just think that we as women need to be above this type of nonsense. Unless there are founded facts that the girlfriend is abusive in some manner, then why shouldn't she be allowed to call? Oh well, mute subject, I guess. I just feel bad for the children. Have a nice day!
How Long Have You Been Married?
My hubby did that after we were married about a year or so. He just liked my stuff, i.e., lotions, body wash, etc...He was my Ken doll; I would "dress him up," fix his unruly, naturally curly hair, buy his shaving cream and cologne, etc...Since we would shower together, he would wash with what I washed with (usually Sun-Ripened Raspberry!) and if I took a shower before him, he would yell and ask where my body wash was. Before we got together, he washed his body with shampoo instead of soap/body wash. Men like to do that for some reason.
However, since that started soon after being married, I didn't think it was worrisome; just cute.
I, personally, wouldn't worry, but I don't know your husband.
I'm married and don't have kids, so
I'm sure people are very curious as to why I don't have kids. And yet, very few people are bold enough to ask me since they don't know if I've been unable or what the problem is. Maybe they feel free to ask why you aren't married because getting married seems to be going out of style or something, and they really want to know why married people are the minority now.
Only had 1 boyfriend and I married him
Starting dating at 15, got married when I was 20. I was always too shy to talk to boys ;-)
Our son just got married in May and I bought
Regularly $129.00 and I paid $35.00 for it, so it is not necessary to pay a lot of money, the sales are out there. The colors were blue and gray and I wore a darker pink dress (not bright) and it worked out really well. I am a larger sized woman and the dress looked very nice in my size. I wish you the very best.
Oh, thanks but happily married - but usually I
do not see a guy who makes my head turn such as the case when I was there. I don’t touch but darn, sure did look!!!
Some women go only with married men
I am totally not surprised at what you said. I have an ex-coworker and she goes with a married man, does not care and would not have it otherwise. She cares nothing about marrying him so this is not uncommon for women not to care-and the other way as well. Unlike the other posts above, this man is saying he no longer loves her. I probably would think, other woman, in a case like this. If I knew no one around, I would probably want to be closer to my family. A cheating man never ever changes- they might lie low for awhile but yours has not changed and gosh darn, I would never want to be with someone who caught a disease- he might bring something home that a shot just doesn’t work for! There are really good guys out there that will love and treat a woman right, don’t have to settle for someone who professes not to love you. Why beat a dead horse and stay because of kids. Not this lady.
Yes, I married one, and he's from NY. Go figure! LOL
x
My BF in the world is getting married... again sm
I love her to death, but she is going into her 3rd marriage. She has only been dating the guy 7 weeks. She has known him for about 7 months. She has 2 absolutely wonderful kids. They are my kids best friends as well. I have been married for "almost" 20 years. I don't quite get the "changing husband thing." I don't know what it would it be like to NOT be married to my husband....admittedly and I have no intention of finding out.
I guess what I am trying to say is this..... I love her to death. I am afraid she is jumping into the river instead of over it. She has 2 kids, he has 4. He was married for 18 years and just got a divorce. She was married for 4 years and just got a divorce. (Both of their divorces in the last 8 months). I am worried she is jumping into something. I know she can handle it fine. BUT, my 2 "adopted" kiddos do not need another failure. They need stability. They come stay with me as much as possible but still, they worry. They talk to me. Their mom is fine with that. But I guess..... i am just worried. sorry this is long
Agree. I am not married but if I was I would
never allow my spouse to treat any of my family members like that. It is just wrong.
If I had a spouse who was acting like that I would probably try to find out what the problem was and possibly try to get things worked out so that there would be harmony. But if that was not possible I would expect at the very least that when we were with family he would be cordial and pleasant and keep his negative bs to himself.
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