A single mother by choice does not make them a welfare
Posted By: nm on 2007-03-26
In Reply to: I am talking single mom by choice, not by - Anna M
recipient and/or a bad person. Heck, I would be more inclined to put that person as unselfish and determined. You chose the easy way out, the single mother took on her commitment and took the responsibility.
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Thank you. Single moms on welfare are not all bad ones.
Women on here who say they have SOOOOO much saved for retirement and then talk about drawing social security burn my behind. It wasn't intended for the well-off to draw in the first place and probably will be gone by the time most of us get old enough to draw it.
This person is obviously overwhelmed with greed, wouldn't you say? In this day and age, with the greedy falling left and right, this one apparently doesn't understand that greedy behavior is no longer PC.
I am talking single mom by choice, not by
a death. I have been widowed before and still had a child at home and the insurance money then was split half for a burial and I gave my child the other $10,000. I do not believe in pity-parties as I see a lot on MTS. I am just glad I waited until later when having my children. I think the ultrasound is a way to make a women thing more about what should be her decision alone but would not have changed my mind then or now.
A single mother is not just a woman who has never
been married before. If she's divorced, she's single. If she's widowed, she's single.
I was a SINGLE mother. I was not married at that
time. I DID NOT defraud the government or anybody else. I did what I had to do to feed my children. I'm glad you could make it all by yourself. I couldn't do it. Please stop turning your nose up at people who need help.
Make a fuss to school board, principal, teachers, dept. of child welfare (sm)
whoever you need to. I understand these are difficult to get rid of but obviously the mom of that little girl is not getting rid of them, maybe she treats the child but if you don't clean up the environment reinfestation is a sure thing.
We got a letter from the school yesterday stating there is a lice outbreak in the school. Then we had a program last night in which all the 3rd graders put on these little capes (that came out of a community bag where they had used them before at practice and then bagged them back up) They of course went over their heads and rested on their shoulders. I wasn't the only person that sucked in air when they saw this last night.
I am sure that poor child is and will be embarrassed about this and probably other things in the future if her health/hygiene issues are not being taken care of properly.
I am single mother, raising my kids on my own, but not
by choice, because my husband died at a very young age and because of his illness we weer unable to get life insurance, so I am left to support them on my own. I really am upset that would even look down upon a single parent in such a way. If you want people to be open-minded to your decisions in life, I suggest you not group all single parents into some sort of welfare classification.
Mother of the new 8 babies, single and has 6 OTHER CHILDREN ALREADY
Talk about litters. She lives with her mother and father apparently. Be willing to say because she is a single mother with all that group she is on welfare. Your tax dollars at work here.
I was a single mother at one time. I had to resort to
food stamps to feed my 2 kids that I had while married. My husband and I did end up remarrying and I called and cancelled the food stamps right then. While we were divorced, though, it was food stamps or hungry kids. Yes, I was working, but tying to pay the bills, keep housing and food for my kids and keeping them clothed and in school was just too much. Believe me, I hated like rip to have to go the food stamp office and even apply. I was absolutely mortified and thought I would die of embarassment, but I did it for my kids.
A 14 -15 y.o. CANNOT make that choice and for a
fc
We all have a free will and have to make choices every single day. Christian or not. sm
I am a devout Christian, believe in God 100%, but I must make good decisions every single day with regard to my health, family, finances, self, etc. You can't place blame on anyone (including God or others) when you continually make bad choices and bad things happen. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. That rule works for non Christians too!
God is there to help us when we mess up. He's always there. An ever-present help in trouble. That's a comforting thought. God didn't want their water to be turned off. He doesn't wish for anything bad to happen to us, but just as if we have adult grown children we will allow them to go through certain things so that they might learn and grow. God does that with us, too!
You reap whatever you sow. I think most of the time it is our own choices and bad decisions that get us into hot water. Too many people cry foul when things go bad and not take responsibility. It's time for people to start growing up and taking responsibility for their lives and decisions. I was homeless at one time and have had a very hard life, so this isn't coming from someone who was given a silver spoon.
I dont' say I was single to make people feel sorry for me.
I, rather, feel sorry for you because you obviously don't care about people who are truly in need, single, divorced, widowed or otherwise.
The father has as much rights as the mother to make decisions....sm
about the child, gifts, etc. I know you want what is best for the child but it's really between your daughter and ex-son-in-law to discuss this. Even if your daughter doesn't want this, there's nothing she can do about it other than educate the child about how much candy to eat at once is appropriate.
Not by choice earlier in life, but now no kids by choice
When I was young we desperately wanted kids. We tried for years. (I never took birth control ever, and we even took fertility drugs and planned for multiple kids, just never worked out). Then went through a period of years where husband didn't want them but I did, then years where husband wanted them but I didn't, then about 15 years ago we both decided we didn't want them. We didn't even know what we wanted in life for ourselves and we figured if we couldn't figure out what we wanted why in the world would we bring kids into the world. Now I'm thankful we never did have kids and hope that we never do (I'm 52 with only one ovary - had ectopic pregnancy a few years back), but chances are I do not think we will ever have kids. Now I just cannot tolerate the kids. The little ones are very cute and we love hearing them play in our neighborhood. Some of the things they say are the funniest, but once they get to a certain age it seems like something in them transforms. When they lose the innocence of youth and start becoming little bullies talking back to their parents with their snotty attitudes we just always say, if he was my kid he'd never see the light of day again. Nothing drives me more insane to see the way some of these kids talk to their parents.
But now a days with all the bad going on in the country (around the world) and the country heading for disaster, and if the Mayan calendar is correct and in 2012 we see some major earth changes and the possibilities of civilizations being wiped out, who would want to put their kids through that.
So, I just say - I'm free of kids and loving it!
Welfare
How do I feel about welfare?
1. I believe in what the Bible says about if a man asks for you coat, give him you cloak also. My church teaches that we give if asked, and we have done what we are suppose to. If they were underserving, then that is on them.
2. Don't judge. When my husband and I divorced, I was raising 3 children, working, and going to college to learn to be a MT. I could barely pay the rent. The ONLY thing I did not have to worry about was food, because I received food stamps. I HATED it. I saw people roll their eyes when I got out my food stamps. I cried all the way home. On my birthday, my best friend told me my birthday gift was having my nails done (something I had never done). I went with her when she had her nails done and thought it was such a luxary. Well, she took me to get my nails done for my birthday, and someone from my church saw me there. That person went to my pastor and said they would never help anyone in the church again, because if I could afford to get my nails done, the I did not need help. Not only was I embarrassed about the situation, but I was hurt that someone had judged me.
3. Be grateful you don't have to use food stamps. When I finished school, I was elated after I got a good job and did not have to use food stamps. When I saw someone having to count out their food stamps in front of me, I was sad for them but glad that they got some help. I also would busy myself so as to not embarrass them.
Yes, some people abuse the system, but I would rather 10 people abuse the system than 1 person and/or family go hungry.
This is just my opinion. Please do not bash me. You can't say anything I have not heard before, believe me.
How do you know she will be on welfare? (nm)
nm
maybe she collects welfare and does not tell you.
nm
This goes toward the conversation on welfare below
Remember that conversation about single moms, welfare and foodstamps?
I was reading an article on MSNBC today. This man ended up in just the situation I was talking about. Read the whole article. Pay attention to the fact that it mentions medical bills and reverse mortgages.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29198366/
Has it been reported they are all on welfare, medicaid, etc??
x
Matrimonial (or shackup) welfare then..I see!
//
If that's not a case for welfare reform, I don't know what is - sm
Wouldn't it make sense for us (as taxpayers) to say: We understand occasionally people have hardships and need food stamps and other help; however, while you are receiving assistance, you must have Norplant (or something that can't be accidentally forgotten) so that you cannot have another child while receiving it? Otherwise we are simply perpetuating the welfare state by enabling unemployed people to have as many kids as they can, and rewarding them to do so.
Well, the former welfare recipient has her millions now & feels
regardless if it adversely affects children. She knows full well that her books are read by children. Since she has opted to make such a poor decision, I am opting to make a good decision and no longer purchase her books, watch her movies, or buy any products related to her books as she gets a cut on everything. It's one thing to have a personal opinion about homosexuality, but she didn't have to publicly link it to a character in her books.
Are you sister of poster with tax-welfare issues?
x
How do you feel about Food Stamps/Welfare?
In the way home from school last night, I had to run into the Ameristop to get a gallon of Orange Juice.
Well, as I was pulling in, this lady (about 25) was walking in, sort of rough looking girl.
Well, she was ahead of me in line then and she got her food stamps out, and typically this kind of thing makes me upset. Because, you could see physically anyway, there was nothing wrong with her.
But, maybe there was....... or maybe she lost her job, and is trying to manage. Not that I was being nosey or anything, but there she had 2 Gallons of Milk, Sausage and Biscuit Dough. So, maybe she was trying to get breakfast for her family in the morning. So now all of a sudden I feel guilty.
But, if we weren't in these hard economic times where jobs were scarce, I typically wouldnt be as understanding, because I do feel Welfare is Abused.
What about you?
THEN, another thing......... maybe you will know, Sometimes you see Welfare people ahead of you in line at the grocery store or something, and they ALWAYS have "Name-brand" in their cart. Never Store Brand. Well I shouldnt say Never, but it always seems like your name brands.
Does Welfare require them to get Name Brand?
I DID NOT DRAW WELFARE. I got food stamps
only for a very short time. I was also a taxpayer then and had been for a number of years before and still continue to be. Why don't you come down off your high horse and realize that sometimes people need help. I hope that you and Amy never become disabled and have to rely on government services to help you.
i care about child abuse, welfare fraud, and
dumping of young males to the streets, so they lessen the competition for the multi-wife thing. This is all well-documented. This is not about just polygamy -- which is also against the law, but its the abuse of children and abuse of our welfare system -- all under the banner of religion. If it was just about men taking multiple ADULT wives, the government would not likely have stepped in to even enforce that law.
"The parents", the "older man". The welfare of child
tfd
Abuse of food stamps/welfare is a MAJOR
nm
Whatever my mother-in-law and mother are cooking--lol
we go to my in-laws for Christmas Eve and usually have ham and kielbasa (we are Polish) and then my mom usually has turkey or roasted chicken on Christmas Day
I'm with you 50 and single..
I too have sworn off relationships and very happy being on my own. I cannot and will not go through it again. Both my ex's were two peas in a pod. Unfortunately, I seem to attract the same type of people. At 52, I am quite happy being alone but also having a great circle of friends. It far outweighs being unhappy, angry, always hoping things would get better when they never did.
I am not a single mom but...
I was a single woman when I bought my house. It is one of the things I regret the most right now.
BUT ONLY cause I wasn't settled down, no family, things came up and i wanted to move. I also bought it right before the market crashed 2.5 years ago, and now I am in an interest-only ARM on an upside down mortgage.
Now, considering this probably wont happen to you because the market has already crashed, there still might be room to wonder if it could fall more, depending on where you are looking to buy. My advice is if you are going to stay there and that is your home, your job, etc. etc. then buying is a great idea and when you mention you are responsible for anything that happens to the house... well that is the chance you take. Depends on what kind of home you buy, how old, and if there are HOA dues. I still dont know how I feel about homeowner's associations, even though I belong to one. However, they will be responsible for anything exteriorly wrong with my house, but for $80.00 a month. you know? so you definitely have to weigh your options.
My main advice would be DO NOT RUSH. that is what I did as I was young and excited to be a home owner at a young age, but now all that money i worked so hard for since the age of 15 is gone. I no longer have the 50K I put down on the house. That is something REALLY tough to deal with.
I love being a homeowner, but I hate that I bought when I did. you know? I know I am not the only one in that boat of course but it is still very very tough.
Good luck!!
well, I'm a single mom....
I've been divorced for nearly 8 years. I have taken care of my son completely on my own. I do not have a huge social circle, but I know what I like to do, and I concentrate on my son, but one day that child will (hopefully) grow up and be on his own and so it will be just me. I know what I like, do what I like, but sometimes, having that special someone would just, for me, make things better. But, now this is the odd part, having been married to the wrong man, I would be perfectly content to have a "significant other" without ever going to the "married" stage. I am fine and have been fine on my own the last 7 years, learned a lot about myself. Now at 35, I feel like I want someone in my life, but I dont necessarily have to be married. Sounds odd, and most of my friends are the opposite. But, I'm also one of those people that never had a lot of boyfriends, etc. I was not the girl in high school who had crushes on a lot of guys, I chose to date and not have a serious relationship in high school because I thought I was too young for that, haha. I've seen both ends of the spectrum, I've seen completely happy couples, my own mom and step-dad for example, if I was to ever get married again, I want a relationship like theirs. They are each other's best friends, and still so in love, but they also make a point of doing things separately because they are, after all, 2 separate people; and I've seen people in my life who are in their 60s and still perfectly content to be single.
I'm in the middle of that spectrum, haha, I would like someone to share in parts of my life, but I don't have to marry him if that never happens either. :)
I do know that I'm picky on friends, and I'm shy, and I don't date much, its just hard to date. I'm a single mom, I work from home, I live in a small town and have only been here 6 years, but only made 2 friends, well, people I would consider friends, I work midnights, sleep during the day, and spend time with my son in the evenings and with our family on the weekends, so I really don't even have time to date, so its a darn good thing I am happy in my life, haha, or I'd be a lonely mess. Sometimes it does get lonely, but in an affection way, not so much in a socializing way for me, I don't know how else to word that.
A single woman
What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Please do not rush into a relationship with any man at this point. Enjoy this time and spend it getting to know your children better and just spending time with them. Also get to know yourself and feel comfortable with who you are - develop some hobbies and interests. If you've spent the last 2 decades in this kind of relationship, you haven't had much time to spend on yourself. Soak in a hot tub every night if you want to.
In a sense, you've just cut a huge wart off your foot and of course it's going to feel strange and unfamiliar. It was the wart that was strange, now things are normal. It just feels strange because you aren't used to it.
Hope some of this makes sense. If you think about it, I bet you are actually less lonely now than when he was there. Some of the loneliest people I know are in marriages and relationships. Some of the happiest and most joy-filled people I know are on their own.
So happy to be single.
Sounds like he has a huge stick stuck somewhere uncomfortable. Big hugs for you!
were you a single parent
x
It was not my attempt to single anyone out
is simply curiosity about some of the posts I've read. Has nothing to do with Huckabee, constitution, declaration of independence, etc.
As far as the nice day goes... right back at ya! :)
Question for single MTs
I am divorced now for awhile. I am finding that I have absolutely no interest in dating! I look at the online dating sights occasionally but no one attracts me. There seem to be slim pickens if you know what I mean. Anyway, I seem to be very happy on my own. My question is, do any of you feel the same? I guess I'm just at a point in my life where I'd rather stay single.
not one single fear
zero, zip, zilch, nada...
we are born with two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. the rest we create or obtain on our own later in life. me: none, other than the two i was born with.
Single Mom Survivor here ... have
Looking back over my experience as an owner and as a renter, raising my children alone with limited resources:
Renting is easier and more cost effective for you than buying.
Pro's of renting:
1. Low deposit to get in the door.
2. Rent is usually reasonable and oftentimes contract won't go up if you are a good renter.
3. MAINTENANCE is the responsibility of the management -- you are not out for those costs.
4. You can leave with a 30-day notice.
Pro's of ownership:
1. You are building equity.
2. Tax breaks.
3. If financial crisis, it takes about 6 to 9 months to get to foreclosure so you do have some time to find another place.
Con's of renting:
1. May require a background and/or credit check.
2. Although evictions are subject to some jurisdiction (they must give you a 10-day notice), it can be quicker to evict you from a rental than from your own property.
Con's of ownership:
1. ALL maintenance and repairs are up to you. Can be very costly.
2. You cannot get out of this very easily - especially in this market.
Hope this helps.
She's not a single person
The cnn article is worded a little confusingly, but the woman is married and her husband is the one who is scheduled to return to Iraq, not her father.
I have no idea why she was taking fertility drugs when she already has 6 at home - unless they are not biologically hers. The doctors should be sued for malpractice for implanting that many embryos. The ethics guidelines these days state that they should not implant any more than two at a time to avoid situations exactly like this.
And now you see why they're single!
I think the internet is partially to blame. Guys start trolling for women and never stop the conquest. Supposedly hot babes to flirt with, who wants an average girl in real life?
If you could force the creeps to tell the truth:
"Sorry I blew off our lunch date, but I was busy having spur-of-the-moment cybersex with a stranger."
"Oh, I never intended to actually MEET you, I only enjoyed the challenge of seeing if you would meet ME. I prefer fantasies to reality."
"Disappointing women gives me a power rush. Score!"
"Quantity over quality, honey. Now describe what you're wearing. And what WAS your name again?"
Definition of a single man...
... I heard this and told it to my then-husband, who, oddly enough, did not find it funny. (Perhaps because the shoe fit all too well.)
Anyway... this lady said that many men basically had their d*ck in one hand and their umbilical cord in the other, and were looking for a place they could plug them both in....
I agree - a mother is a mother and a daughter is a daughter for life sm
despite the problems they had, which i truly believe stem for anna's drug problems. obviously her mom wasn't too bad or she would not have raised daniel for a while. i think the mother wants her buried in Texas so the grave will be close enough that she can go visit it without having to come up with expenses of going to the bahamas to get there. although i contradict that too in poor anna needs to be buried with her son.
Is he single?? LOL - not many good ones left. nm
x
single-parent dating (sm)
I'm not sure that the length of time you have been dating is really relevant as other posters mentioned. If you feel you need to have the relationship defined, it should be and when it is, you need to decide what to do next.
It is SO hard to date when you have a child, especially a daughter that you want to raise with good morals and self esteem. In order to build a good relationship and be sure the guy likes your kid, you have to invest time and expose the child(ren) to him. If he's not *the one* then you have to repeat the process, thereby exposing you kids to men, attachments, and as far as I'm concerned, confusion on the part of the kids.
I came to this conclusion shortly after my ex and I split when my daughter was 5. I dated one guy, we broke up, and didn't date again until she was out of high school.
I also identified with a line in Jerry MacGuire; words to the effect that spending time with my kid was more fun and fulfilling than any frog or potential prince.
It's my opinion and only my opinion that we had our lives, made our decisions, had our fun, made our mistakes, brought kids into the world and they should be our focus. It's hard to focus and give full attention to a child when there is guy anxiety.
I know many have done it and have been extremely successful with merging families and doing the step-dad/mom thing. I just didn't think it was fair to gamble with my child's future... things don't always happen in real life like they do in movies...
All of this was probably of no help, but I sincerely think you do need to stop and think what is going to give you peace of mind, not necessarily happiness or instant gratification, and know that whatever does give you peace of mind will benefit your child.
Good luck, sweetie! :-)
I assume you're single.......
You need to call this guy. Call him at the office with a "question" and see where the conversation takes you.....Good luck!!!
Oxymoron indeed! LOL. Single is definitely best if you can afford it : )
x
I am a single young person
and you know sometimes it is nicer to go out and do things on your own. I have found sometimes when I have gone out with people they do not want to do the same thing so you end up wasting energy trying to convince them or they lollygag and I hate that. As much as it is nice to have someone or a special someone to do things with, there is nothing wrong with being an independent and doing things on your own. As I see it, if I wait around for someone to magically appear to do things with, I may miss out on a lot of good things. As for bus trips, I live in the SF Bay Area and I know I have seen all sorts of neat bus trips to places like national parks, Tahoe, etc and you go in a group and explore.
a single paddling at school is different
from a parent keeping a paddle at home during the summer. I'm wondering why you need to go on and on about this.
My past is my past. I believe each parent has the right to raise their children in a manner that suites each family. My hope is that physical punishment is limited, but there are other methods of physical punishment other than paddling which can do worse harm to a child. Even verbal abuse can be worse.
Thank you for your sympathy for the decisions my parents made, but those things are in the past. BTW, I don't let people get close before of emotional manipulations by people in my adult life and not having learned how to stand up for myself when I was a child. Now I have learned those leasons and just use more caution about whom I take into my confidence. I'm not as screwed up as I feel you are trying to intimate :)
I celebrate being single and when I'm pregnant.
I'm not 16, however. Her sister is young and made a mistake. I'm not going to judge her ability to parent based on what Britney has done.
I don't disagree that a single home would be best
although I do disagree that group home placement is less desirable for short-term placements for multiple siblings under the federal 15/24 law by keeping the family connection intact (again, please read that my perspective is under the short-term law as it currently stands because the goal is reunification with the parents). Imagine losing your parents, then your whole family, your home, all your friends, just so some strangers can keep the kids together and who only knows what mental or other distress they suffer in that situation. Granted there are some good foster providers, but most of them want to adopt (not all of them, but most of them do) and fewer want siblings in today's environment than even just 10 years ago.
I personally took no offense in what she said about the kids. Having had a daycare for 10 years, I have seen all sides of the racial, economic, foster care, state involvement, abuse, family disagreements, drug abuse, etc., that any one person could possibly imagine. When she responded to your question about the biracial statement, even you said her answer was _not a biggie._
While you do not specifically state in your post that you adopted any of the children for whom you cared, I was pointing out the adoption factor in the federal law that currently exists and how it effects kinship care and foster care and how that law effects children and siblings. It DOES sound from your post that you saw things from a foster care perspective (pure speculation on my part).
Currently in the US there are over 5 million kids being cared for by relatives and less than 600,000 in formal foster/group home care. I've seen a grandmother who raised her 3 grandchildren for 10 years ripped away from her by the _justice_ system to be given to complete strangers because when the bio dad got out of jail, his exercised his right to reclaim the children and promptly allowed people the children had never seen before adopt them. I've seen grandparents lose their newborn grandchild to foster care parents because the state was running adoption services in preference to keeping the child with his/her family.
I am very pro kinship care even though the government finally realized a way to save millions of dollars a year by providing less support to kins than to foster care providers, draining resources on a larger number of kins who are usually older and closer to retirement age...people you give up everything they have to keep their family together.
Try not to let that chip on your shoulder damage your halo :)
dang! am I glad I'm single!
What are you doing putting up with this!?! WOW!!! Are you kidding?!?! Abusers isolate their victims, cut them off from their family and friends. Climb a giant ladder and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!! You and your sister are free to do as you please. This piece of work you are married to (and whose emotions you have obviously tip-toed around for ages) is going to have to get over it. He's obviously ashamed of something, his home, his lack of employment, himself. I cannot believe you have put up with this for ages --- grow a set and use 'em!
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