100% English, all sides of family, all members. nm

• Ethnic variety/languages. What's yours? - Zara
  • family origins - Backwards typist
  • English - Wales
  • 100% English, all sides of family, all members. nm - Confetti
  • Mostly English but - Old part-timer
  • my family's been here since before the revolutionary war and we speak English - :)

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First of all I think there's another option that neither you or your sister are seeing, home health aide.  Look into it re: insurance etc.  I can see where both of you are coming from.  I don't know your sister's financial situation or how far she has to drive to see your father.  I think that she probably feels she is working hard to earn her paid time off but if she has to use it all to take "everybody" to the doctor what will happen if she needs to go to the doctor herself or wants to take time off for a vacation or mental health day.  You have to admit she has a point. 

My advice would be not to alienate your sister.  You are going to have to work together to take care of your father.  I would arrange a time for both of you to sit with your father and lay out the facts.  With little to no eyesight, he simply cannot live completely independently any longer.  If he wants to stay at home then either hire a home health aide or a live-in caregiver or one of you would have to move in with him.  Avoid the word nursing home and instead suggest an independent living facility where there is assistance with daily activities such as preparing meals.  Be open and honest with each other.  You have your own separate lives and not only do you not want your father to feel like he is a burden, you also do not want to feel burdened.  With the cost of gas these days, your sister certainly has a valid point.  As far as her popping to Wal-Mart and the mall, she could have perfectly viable reasons for going to Wal-Mart including grocery shopping or perhaps purchasing your father's medications there on their $4 plan.  The mall may be her escape mechanism. 

You both sound stressed out over this situation and you both need to take care of yourselves first and foremost before you can be expected to care for someone else.  Good luck to both of you and remember that you both love each other and your father and only want the best for everyone.

I have 3 boys.  My oldest son is very giving and caring (sounds like your daughter).  He's been bullied a few times.  Different responses apply to each individual bully.  Some bullies can be dealt with best by the school or their parents.  These are usually the kids who come from good homes and their parents don't always know what happens when they're not around.  I generally deal with the parents if they're level-headed.  If not, I go straight to the school. 

Other bullies come from parents who don't give a darn what they do.  These kids are the hardest to deal with.  I have had to face these bullies myself.  I flat out told them if they continue to pick on my son or bully him, I will call the police and they will be dealt with as a juvenile deliquent.  This seemed to stop things pretty quick.  I also followed that up with the letting school know what was going on because I had a feeling the child might pick on my son when I'm not there.  The school was great about this and were well aware of this bully's behavior.  It alerted them to keep a closer watch on my son at recess when this kid was around. 

The other side of the fence is my 7-year-old son.  I had gotten a call from his teacher early in the school year that he was bullying a couple of smaller kids.  My son had a late birthday, so I held him for kindergarten, making him a year older than most of his peers.  There didn't seem to be any problem in kindergarten, but by first grade, he realized that he was bigger than most and could use this to his advantage.  From that first call I got from his teacher, I made it very clear to him that I would not tolerate bullying from him.  I also told him the school would be watching him and if I hear any reports of him bullying others, I would punish him at home as well.  Other than a few minor kid things, he's been pretty great.  I even explained to him that because he was bigger than the little kids, he needed to protect them and watch over them like a big brother.  He's come home a couple of times and told me how some older kids were picking on his friends and he stepped up and told them to knock it off.  I was very proud of him and needless to say, he has a lot of "girlfriends" now. 

My point here is that not all parents know what their kids are like outside of the home.  It's very possible this girl's mother had no idea.  Unfortunately, she was already hurt and angry when you talked to her and it probably didn't help things.  I would suggest sticking with the teacher from now on with this one, and in the future, bring any problems immediately to the teacher's attention or the parents (depending on their temperament and how well you know them).  Most importantly, I have also taught my children to stand up for themselves, use a firm voice, but walk away if it's just words and we'll deal with it together.  The only time I allow my children to hit is if they're being physically hit and the other child won't stop.  Our school has a zero tolerance for fighting, and it just wouldn't be worth getting expelled otherwise. 

Hang in there.  She's only 8 -- the really bullying starts in the teen years (I'm remembering mine), not being popular enough or having money or wearing cool clothes or being too smart or not thin enough.  It goes on and on.  In that case, I'm glad I have boys.  They get less catty as they get older (I hope).

He has been bullied before but he has gotten really good at standing up for himself.  I literally have given him comebacks that he can use if he is being verbally bullied, and have told him that while he is never allowed to start a fight he is always allowed to defend himself and even though he may get in trouble at school, he will not be in trouble at home.

One time last year (fifth grade) he was verbally bullying a boy in his class.  He said some pretty mean things.  I got the phone number to the boy's house through a mutual friend, called, and then too my son to the boy's house to apologize in person, in front of the boy's parents.  We talked for a long time beforehand about how the boy must feel to have to go to school and have someone say things like that to him, role-playing such as "how would you feel if that was you" sort of thing. He also lost computer priveleges for a week.  He has never bullied anyone else.

However, he did kick a boy in the shin earlier this year when the boy hit him and said he was going to beat him up.  My son is strong but doesn't like to fight.  I think all kids should be able defend themselves if needed though.

sore because my jaw clamps down on my tongue and sores on my cheeks from biting them.  I would also have an aching jaw for weeks at a time that required mountains of Motrin and muscle relaxers.  I finally went to the dentist and now have an acrylic mouthguard I wear at night.  I hated it at first, but boy does my jaw feel better.  No more aching, no more trouble chewing, no more sores on my cheeks and tongue!  Cost me $300 for the mouthguard cause my insurance wouldn't pay, but it was worth every penny!

Go to your dentist!

My spouse and I feel that if you are immigrating into the US, you need to speak English. Of course as an MT I do not like my work being threatened by India (I previously worked in bank customer service, and my company there outsourced 3000 jobs to India and laid off all the US CSRs). My spouse grew up in Detroit which is now classified as a" dead city" with the highest unemployment rate and some of the lowest house values in the nation due to outsourcing of the auto companies to Mexico and many auto parts and steel are now made in Asia.

However, we may even learn Spanish. He is retraining in Nursery and Greenhouse Management and it just makes sense as that will help him manage the laborers.  if he ever owns his own biz, we will insist on legitimate papers for every worker.

You can transcribe between two languages from home, just like you do MT from home. Spanish does not pay as much as, say, Arabic (a language I strongly wanted to learn) but there is more demand for it and it is easier to learn for an English speaker (and if we all get lucky, our overseas Middle East involvement will cease and there will be no more need for transcription of Arabic to English. Somehow I don't think we will get that lucky).

What gets me is people who move here and still do not speak the language after 5 or 10 years!!!

I would not even visit another country as a TOURIST without studying the language for months ahead of time if there was not a lot of English spoken there, and I would study some of the indigenous language anyway. It's just a sign of respect.

I think it is going to be to our benefit to be bilingual but I don't see us ever not having at least some ambivalence about the people we speak it to (but I think we will meet some good people as well).

Who would want your rudeness around their children or good neighbors anyway?  Since you seem to be just a judgmental person, perhaps there is some utopia somewhere for the likes of folks like you....hmmmmm?  We wouldn't want you in the city nor the country as neighbors of our family, that's for sure, and WE DON'T IMBIBE...so there!

Rudeness and hate is taught in the home - now we know how it was for you.....poor thing....

Since language is "our thing" - and particularly ESL - I thought you'd like to get a head start on what to expect from future Chinese dictators.  Get a load of these Chinese-to-English learning blocks (I'll post this as an URL you can paste into your browser since some are reluctant to click on links):

http://peer-see.com/blog/chumble-spuzz/2006/07/09/

I suggest we practice by forming sentences, such as:  "The patient is a construction worker who was operating a navvy when a crustacea flew into the cab.  Mistaking it for a darning needle, he swatted at the crustacea and lost control of the navvy, which crashed.  Unfortunately, he was not wearing a safety armet at the time and was knocked unconscious..."