1/2 the equity is not enough
Posted By: mammamt on 2007-07-31
In Reply to: If your husband had a problem with your weight and (sm) - Butter and clutter
He is just afraid of you getting more at this point. If you got a good attorney, not only would you get 1/2 the equity, but alimony and child support. I know it is hard, but do not let him bamboozel you again. He sounds very selfish. Marriage is a 50/50 undertaking you are not his possession or his servant. Above all know that it is not you, but him that has the problem. Do not fall into the trap of feeling that you are the one to blame for any of this. Prayers that this all works out for you
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Take your share of the equity and go (sm)
Not trying to be harsh here, but if you want to lose weight and become better organized, that's for YOU to decide. I have struggled with my weight always, now am the highest weight I ever have been. I am not an organized person, never have been, never will be. Luckily, DH doesn't seem to mind any of this. If I had to struggle constantly to try to be something I wasn't, I'd be a basket case. It's not worth the effort. You decide how to want to be, NOT him. Good luck.
I'd tell him to take half the equity and get out - sm
not you. I am in a similar situation. I have gained about 70 pounds since we married, and 2 kids later. I never kept a great house but I was very organized; but several things have happened over the past 3 years and I have become less organized and I think mildly depressed as well. He used to nag me constantly about my weight but has finally backed off as I think he just stopped caring. I resent(ed) his constant harping about my weight and I think gained more in response; I was 30 pounds less 3 years ago. Even the kids know something is not right though we do things together as a family my DH screws it up somehow and the kids end up in tears half the time or I get upset over some mean thing he said. My younger one has said she wants to live with him if we ever divorce, how sad is that (he is more lenient as he wants to be liked by the kids). His mom is a clean fanatic, they had to shower in the basement as she did not want them messing up the bathroom, before that they had to wipe dry and clean the shower/tub everytime they used it. When she is here she picks up and folds every loose thing, etc. Her home is spotless but she has no kids or animals; we have 2 dogs and a cat and 2 kids who can make a mess really fast. I take care of everything around here but the cooking plus work 3 jobs to boot, so that is one reason the house is not a Good Housekeeping showplace, the other is I hate cleaning.
I would not change for your husband though. I am however going to try and lose this weight, though not for him. I get out of breath very easy now and I want my health to stay good. I am curious to see what reaction I get from him when I do, I suspect he won't like in in the long run, especially if I can pull it off and look darn good in the process. I am also considering getting a cleaning person to come in once a week and clean, but I will tackle that in the Fall. I did get one of those robot vacuums but have not tried it as yet. I also am thinking about seeing a divorce lawyer just to see what my options are in case he pushes me to my limit. He has threatened me with divorce but I doubt he will do it but in case he does go and spring that on me I want to know what I can expect. I think for money reasons alone would not do it as I would fight for half the house equity though it is not in my name we bought it after we were married and have lived in it for 9 years together; half of some property we own (my name is on that deed) and half his 401K from the point we married to present. So he would owe me a tidy sum, I estimate about $185K; so basically he'd have to pay off the house and give it to me as a divorce settlement + child support for 2 kids. He would be pretty cash poor for quite a while but could build a house on the property which would kill him as he wanted to have no house payments by 50 (he is 48)-- I'd want full custody of the kids but I am afraid of some financial issues that would prevent me from being awarded them; so that is why I want to see a divorce lawyer before he does (he has threatened that 2 x, but as he is a big talker I kind of ignore it, but I need to stop being naive about it just in case he does follow through for a change). You need to do the same thing, contact a lawyer and find out exactly where you stand, you have nothing to lose by doing this. I plan to do this as well, once the kids are back in school as I cannot very well drag them with me and have them come home and say, mom went to a divorce lawyer today, yeah, that would go over well.
But your husband and mine sound very alike. I know my kids love me despite my youngest saying she'd rather be with daddy, though after our disaster outing yesterday I doubt she feels that way. She says I work too much which is true but I use it as an escape too which is not good. I had a lot more time off last summer but took on some extra work lately and it has been very busy this summer. I have promised her to start taking off every other weekend so we can do more together so that should help some for us and for me mentally as well. Good luck.
Have you considered a home equity loan to
pay off all your credit cards?
File for bankruptcy protection if you have equity in your home
dd
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