"I'm leaving my wife." I bought it once...never again. NM
Posted By: anon on 2008-05-08
In Reply to: what is something you have bought in the past you will NEVER - buy again??
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you do the leaving
My ex was the same way. After 17-1/2 years, I did the leaving. I know it is hard, but YOU CAN DO IT!! You and your kids will be better off in the long run. My oldest child wishes I would have left when he and his brother were still little. Don't let him keep abusing you - you are just as valuable as he is - don't forget it. Hope your cold/flu doesn't last too long. Will be thinking of you.
Leaving an ovary or not?
I had one at 35 and kept my ovaries, although now I wish they'd have taken them. Within an hour after surgery, I was up and around and ready to go home and had NO pain afterwards (this was vaginal). I felt better than I had in years and I think every woman who is beyond wanting children should have one. It gives you such a freedom from all the "mess" and such.
He refuses to do that. He says no way is he leaving (sm)
I have tried for so long to hold this marriage together for the sake of the children - but what am I teaching them if I continue to live in this situation? That it is okay for men to treat women badly? That you just let people treat you however they want? That spouses don't have to respect each other?
Any regrets leaving the Q?
They're getting on my last nerve, but there are those that say that being an MT is pretty much the same everywhere. I hope not; I'm tired of having multiple different hospitals during each shift.
re: leaving pets
No I don't leave messages but we've done some camping this summer and my kitty gets very mad when we leave. When we walked in the door after being away for a few days she wouldn't stop meowing at me, like she was telling me off for leaving her..she wouldn't let me pick her up either! Anyone else's pets get mad when you leave?
If you are serious about leaving, you need a plan. SM
First, get some therapy for yourself to gain back some self confidence. Then make a plan. Find out how much a divorce attorney costs and start saving. If you are not being physically abused, try to stay in it as long as kids are young. Then make your escape.
Believe me, you are not the only one going through this. Are there any women's groups in your town you can join? You really need to vent. I know what that's like.
My DH is leaving in just a little bit for Atlanta
He is going on business for the weekend (we are in VA and have about 2in of snow now and more on the way) and he is taking my DD along for a little Father/daughter bonding. We have been following the weather and saw that it is in the 30s today and up to in the 50s tomorrow then back to 30s on Sat. with snow expected. My daughter is going crazy trying to decide what to pack. LOL
I don't regret leaving either...
Been gone since last August and couldn't ask for a better company to work for now. I owe MQ a lot as they did hire me right after I graduated my MT course and I did learn a lot while I was there, but having said that, I haven't looked back once since leaving.
If you are leaving for 3 weeks, take them to a kennel and sm
pay for daily care. They need more than food and water, they need attention and loving and daily petting, and exercise. Bless you for taking them on, but don't desert them now.
Rosie Leaving The View
Just watching The View. I know a lot of you wil be happy. Rosie just announced that she's leaving The View. I didn't catch exactly when she was leaving or why, but she did mention her children as a factor.
Leaving for New York tomorrow sm
with my family. Watch for us in the Today Show audience. I will be the one with the laptop so I won't fall behind in my work.  Just Kidding.
Running over a dog and leaving the scene?
Going on her merry way, shopping or whatever...?
Probably doesn't have animals; I agree.
She knew she was visiting and would be leaving (sm)
She just wanted to do a few things with her granddaughter before she left. If you had my in-laws you would understand invasive. You have to share your daughter. She is your child, but she is that woman's grandchild and she has rights too. She is sooo not asking too much. She sounds very humble and non-demanding. Try to be sweet to her. She won't live forever. Let her enjoy her granchild while she can.
sweats usually, unless I am not leaving the house and then PJs...
nm
I'm loving life since leaving MT.
.
uhh...that should be "suggested leaving"...not counseling...nm
I'm leaving what little I have left in my 401K for now - sm
(what's left wouldn't do me any good, anyway), with the hope that someday it will gain back some of what it lost. THEN, even though I probably still won't have as much as was in it before, I'll most likely take it ALL out of the stock market forever, and invest in something concrete, such as land (which even if it can't be sold for a profit, can be lived-on). The stock market has become so volatile and flaky that it no longer makes any more sense to put your hard-earned retirement money into that than it does to blow it all on Lottery tickets or slot machines.
I heard just last week that she was leaving the show--sm
Why would she suddenly become a host if she could not work out an agreement with CBS? She said she would be back for various shows already set up, but that she was not going to be there day to day...did I miss something?
Party in SF as a send-off for friends leaving for Burning Man.
I'd love go myself, but can't afford it.....
I agree and leaving early not sore loser (sm)
I think that's just graceful, letting the winners have their day plus that had to really sting after the great season they had. But what a great game it was. Both teams should be proud they made it there.
I have been single again as long as I was married and there is not a day I don't regret leaving s
BUT it was still the right thing to do. I have been happier since and I am fine on my own, but it was extremely tough as he didn't pay child support and I could not find a way to make him (not for lack of trying though and a social worker whose job it was to collect his arrears kept telling me no, I didn't really need it!). Financially it was terrible, but the relief of his absence was enormous.
He was critical. He was always rude. My friends would only come to visit when he was on the road. The kids would pick up their messes, but he made more than they ever did, never helped and constantly criticized me for not being a perfect housekeeper like his mom...who didn't work, had a housekeeper and spent her days at the mall shopping. I had more kids than she did, worked always and ended up being too exhausted for him. He is a homophobic homosexual and going out on "mommy and daddy" dates was always humiliating because he spent the evening looking at other men's behinds.
I got out and suffice it to say, at quite a price financially and emotionally. I have not remarried, have only had one relationship in 15 years and feel too damaged to ever try again, but I am FREE from all of that.
My kids were pleased when he left and were all too anxious to help him to leave the house!
People leaving their McMansions and traveling West
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Spending a romantic weekend in Atlanta with hubby. Leaving at noon. Can't wait! nm
,
My son met his wife somehow
on the internet. They've been married 4 years..Very nice girl... Also know 2 other couples who met online and happy together. susan
Does he have a wife?
Maybe you can talk more calmly with her about it. I would be furious too! But if confronting him you don't know what you may do or say and your daughter doesn't need to lose a friend right now. Dyslexia is not the worst thing that can happen, although right now to her and you it may seem that way.
Have you looked into the disability act laws and getting her some support or into programs for this?
Share the below with your daugher, if you haven't already, it is a list of famous people that had dyslexia; Albert Einstein. Tom Cruise. Thomas Edison. Many others.
http://www.dyslexiamentor.com/famousdyslexics.php
All the best to both of you.
To wife sm
Try some on-line help anonymously for awhile. Just Google recovery or AAonline and you should find some help there. Give him credit and help him. Remove all alcohol from the house, support him and realize it IS a disease, not a flaw in his personality, he inherited this in the gene pool but although there is no cure, it can be turned around with the right support. I know someone who will not admit it and he has lost everything.He thinks beer is not alcohol. So be grateful for the awareness and pay no attention from those who judge. Good luck, it takes a lot of work, it didn't come on overnight but with your help and his higher power, he can do it if he is ready.There is Al-Anon, AA, Adult Children of Alcoholics but beware, some go to these meetings and tell all they hear there. You can decide later if you want the whole community to know. Usually those who judge point the finger, having three pointing back at themselves. It's not always anonymous. Get some professional advice and get rid of all the temptations. You may have to change playmates and playgrounds. You will figure this out as you go along. Only listen to the positive, ignore all who judge, they know not of what they speak, it's a disease. Just treat it as taking the sugar away from the diabetic, same scenario, help but do not enable!
My son and his wife - sm
have been married eleven years and over time developed a pattern for Thanksgiving, at least - they trade off years, one year coming to our house for dinner and her parents' house for dessert, and vice-versa. Of course, she's not a cook and has never been interested in hosting their own holiday dinner. They've always slept over Christmas Eve at our house as we have two more children still in school (had actually, one's not in school anymore but living at home) and shared Christmas morning with us, then go to her parents' house for Christmas dinner. I don't know if that's going to change now that the last of the kids are basically grown now. Unfortunately they aren't able to have kids, but if they did I would encourage them to stay home and we would come to them.
Yes. My son's second wife never
cooked. It was always McD's, Taco Bell, Pizza, etc. She never cleaned either. All she knew how to do was spend the bill money. (She didn't work, BTW).
Now my grandson is on a diet at 15 yo, 195 pounds.Thank heavens, my son woke up and got rid of her.
My mom worked every day and when she came home, made supper and it was always on the table by 5-5:30. If my father was on the 2nd shift, she'd make him a hot meal, put it in a square metal container and I would bicycle it to his work. When I was old enough to use the stove, I would make supper once or twice a night. In the summer, I would clean the house so she would have less to do.
I worked 2 jobs most of my life, but always had time to take my boys to their baseball practice, wrestling practice, and when old enough, to their PT job and pick them up at 10-11:00 when they would get off, went to open house every year to see how they were doing, etc. I also made sure their homework was done (not that boys really bring homework home in those days LOL), had a meal on the table for them every night, never had snacks like chips or pretzels in the house. The only thing they had to drink was water or milk. No soda. BTW, my husband during this time was away from home all week, so it was all left to me.
The parents today are too pressured, as are the kids. Kids are not allowed to be kids anymore. They are 7 going on 70. I think it's time they get back to being normal kids. They need breathing room. I don't know who ever decided that the kids had to be in every sport, every club, every volunteer activity the school has, but it's crazy. Not all kids fit that mold and they shouldn't have to. Plus their grades are expected to be A's and B's, nothing less. Perfection is the norm and no one is perfect.
What's wrong with this picture?
I'll jump down from my soapbox now.
Talking to the ex-wife
Your boyfriend/husband talks to his ex-wife because he is mature. She means nothing to him. He would be with her, not you, if that was his choice. Don't you have ex-boyfriends? Do you speak when you meet them in the street? Please don't go down this road or you will experience a LOT of pain. You cannot ever "make" someone be faithful to you. Either they are or they are not. Dogs need to be tossed aside because life is too short. Work on your self-esteem. Choking someone to death with your insecurity and jealousy is the quickest way to make your boyfriend/husband say, "Bye-bye." My grown children stay with my husband's ex-wife when they are in her city visiting. We have had her over for Thanksgiving dinner. Was it 100% comfortable? No, but we did it for the children. Everyone has a past when they are over 18. Accept it, don't make it bigger than it is, and enjoy your relationship. That is very good advice.
Your knowing the wife well would be
much more important than you hubby talking to his buddy now and then. She's the one stuck with cleaning, getting a guest room set up and worrying about meals. Some women enjoy that, but many are just too busy to drop everything.
I agree that he should always put his wife first
but my brother was pretty much the same way...family was always an after thought if he thought of them at all and I assure you he is not gay.
To confused wife...
It sounds to me like you've made up your mind that HIS problems are all YOUR fault...they are NOT. The only problems you are responsible for are YOURS. It probably will not matter what you change about you to him. If he's this angry and unstable, he'll ALWAYS find fault with you.
Please don't be naive and think that you can change him...you can't. Only he can do that and he has to want to change his behavior. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and name-calling is by far the most disrespectful thing one person can do to another...especially if the other person is your spouse, the mother of your child.
And your child is being hurt by these outbursts. She would be better off in a broken home than to have to listen to you and your husband screaming and belittling each other all the time. In the end, her self worth will suffer, she'll think she doesn't deserve any better and may actually seek out abusive men when she gets older.
You all need help, even the child. Go to counseling, even if you go alone, but take your daughter with you. It may come to you and your daughter leaving until he agrees to get help. Then if he truly loves you and your family, he will do whatever it takes to make things right. Don't wait around for the abuse to get worse, because inevitably it will escalate. Now is the time to think of you and your daughter first. Your husband is a grown man, he's responsible for him...good luck and God bless...
confused wife
It sounds to me like you are being verbally abused. I went through the exact same thing until I said enough is enough. You are worth more than to be reduced to a *itch. I feel for you, I was in the same situation for 12-1/2 years, everything was my fault. Research the phenomenon of verbal abuse and you will find yourself and your marriage reiterated over and over in the stories you hear. Believe me. You sound just like me and what I went through. You have nothing to lose by just looking into it. Maybe you will find your answer. Don't allow yourself to be treated like that one more day, you are a human being and have God-given rights. I will be praying for you.
I agree about the wife, but...
she knows what side her bread is buttered on! Play the stand by your man, humiliated wife in public means for a much heftier settlement when the divorce proceedings start...not that she doesn't deserve it but come on, if your hubs was going to hookers for almost 10 years you'd be dumb as a post to not suspect it or at least get a hint of it from someone... Then again, they may just have that type of relationship where it is okay with her as long as she has the prestige, power and money that he brings. His daddy is worth 500 million dollars.
At least it is not a bombshell to the wife.
They both admitted their relationships..had counseling and moved on. you know it has been said for years now that good people are afraid to run for office for fear of a skeleton rattling around somewhere. You know an investigative reporter will dig it out.
my hubby did that with his first wife!!
I didn't believe him when he told me that he had only known her for two weeks when he married her! I said to him, "what were you thinking and no, I will not marry you right now"!
The wife will be gone at night
I am still thinking they are going to lock you in the basement for 10 years!
Dear Ms K9's wife
Try as you might, you cannot tell me your husband can approach any and all pitbulls and put them back on their chain- I was not born yesterday and don’t believe that for 1 minute. Tell someone else who does not know better, ok? You have named (except for the doberman) all dogs the police department close to me do not allow to be rescued because of their known aggressive behavior, chows, rotweilers and the pits. Better luck next time, sweetie.
He should consider his wife FIRST, not his stylist.....
nm
As his wife contacted you, you must have had some
contact details. Her son was in jail and instead of helping her, you took their inheritance share, PRETENDING that you do not know their whereabouts?
WOW!
I hope you are not one of those religious freaks, that would really be too much of a hypocrisy!
What the wife says and does is irrelevant
since the agreement was only with the husband. The wife has nothing to do with it.
most of the time it is the wife divorcing the man...sm
not always, but most of the time. I am just expressing caution, and to have eyes wide open. Love or the thought of love, tends to blind people to the true facts. JMO.
wife beaters and rapists.
From what I heard his wife did release
the tape and against court orders. This child was supposed to, from what I heard, going with him somewhere. The mother got into trouble 1 time before for going against court orders. True he did wrong by the ranting but I would be willing to bet you Ms. Kim involved in not following through with court orders. This is probably the case of a child being put in the middle by these 2 who cannot stand 1 another now. Sure it happens all the time but we are not Kim and Alec, right?
yes I believe his present wife was seated next to him
and next to her was Laila's mom. They seemed friendly with each other and both were very supportive of Laila.
A military man shot his wife
This man was our son's recruiter when our son signed with the military three years ago. We had several meetings with him. He was a "fun" guy to be around, always smiling, always happy. But now, this and I can't get over the sick feeling in my stomach. He is on the run, of course. He left behind his little boy, with no mother and now no father. Temporary insanity?????
That wife you wrote about sounds like me! LOL! SM
I was married to a man who cheated for years. I was in total denial. After close to 30 years, I up and left. Best thing I ever did.
Just want to acknowledge point that men don't leave. If they are in a long marriage, and have been getting away with cheating for a long time, AND there is a lot of money involved, what with houses, pensions, savings, etc., THEY DON'T LEAVE.
I admire both your honesty. Good luck.
If he were to leave his wife for you, then at some time in the
_
I am the wife up above. How in the world do you suppose one sm
like me survive with 3 children on 18,000 a year transcribing? Do you know how much it is to rent nowadays? Even though we own? He makes almost 5 times as much as me and yes, the paychecks are great, but I am living proof that money can't buy happiness in a marriage.
But I wouldn't even be able to put food on my kids' plate on my income.
All of you women who say to leave how do you expect us to live if we leave? I don't get it. I don't understand? I have NO family that can help me. None. I don't see it being possible.
Military wife with a suggestion
Beef jerky is a great gift and Jolly Ranchers. My husband is very popular at mail call time.
And then some husbands have their wife spoiled
and give them any and every thing their little heart desires and I am one of those lucky ones. By the way, I don’t even have to cook- he does all that. I am spoiled rotten and loving it.
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