The strategy of announcing a pay cut
Posted By: MT on 2009-09-22
In Reply to:
The following was obtained through much secrecy and personal risk. Please, guard it with your life and don't ask me to tell you how I came upon this information.
STRATEGY OF ANNOUNCING A PAY CUT aka DROPPING THE BOMB
1. Prime the citizens. Do some webinars about ISR and how wonderful it is and how people are making so much money on it, and how they'll make more money if they don't use their mouse. Prime employees for the bomb that will be dropped in a week or two.
2. Construct the bomb. Make a recorded message so no one can ask questions. Start by mentioning this is a quarterly call, as in just a routine thing. Talk about company growth and promise. Talk about how bad the economy is, and then talk about how great the company has been to avoid laying off employees (stress flexible scheduling here, really push that) and how the company is not using the overseas MTs like those other baaaad companies are.
3. Drop the bomb. Give news late in the day after most people have stopped working and traffic to this board is slower. Some of the employees will find out from each other, some through the board, some through their email. Portion of employees are now told, too late to call their bosses and gripe. They'll just have to sleep on the news.
3. Study the fallout. Watch those who do get the news and see how they react and what questions they raise. 'Whoaaa, they're more angry than we thought they would be. And hey, that question, I didn't expect that one! Gotta make sure they don't catch us off guard during the call tomorrow.'
4. Fine-tune second wave of attack. Revise speech in anticipation of company-wide backlash based on initial backlash.
5. Let them have it. Hit them with the details. Some will just be waking up. They'll be unprepared! They'll read their email and listen to the bomb ('can we call it 'DA BOMB', can we, please CEO, can we? YES! YES! I told you it was more fun that way') and BLAMMO! it'll be time for the call. Call is in a format that won't make it easy for people to ask questions. 'Smart, yes we are.'
6. Take no casualties. Shut down any possible reaction by repeating everything in #2 and stressing that some mystery MTs in the company are really making MORE money with the fabulous technology.
7. Celebrate victory! 'Dang, we're smart. I mean, they're just MTs. They need us. What can they do? If they don't like it, they can try to find another company in this economy. What are they gonna do, quit? Hah!'
(senior VP:)
'GIMME AN R
GIMME AN E
GIMME AN M
GIMME AN
(um, ceo, prez, do either of you know if there are 1 or 2 M's in REMARKABLE? hmmmm)
GIMME AN A
GIMME AN R
GIMME A K
GIMME AN A
GIMME A B
GIMME AN L
WHAT DOES IT SPELL???
(ceo:)...
(prez:)...
(ceo:) I think something's missing....
(prez:) me, too, but heck if i know. Got one of those word lookup thingies?
(ceo:) no, i don't have an almanac.
(senior vp:) I have it! I just called one of our MTs, and she said there's an E on the end!
(senior vp:)
GIMME AN E!
(ceo & prez:) eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
'WHAT DOES IT SPELL?!!!!!'
(ceo, prez, svp in unison:)
WEBMEDX!!!!
(ceo:) 'We are so smart. Hey, high-five me, vp! whose your dadddddy? whooooose your dadddddyyyyyy!? wooot!'
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What a strategy. It looks
like they cannot keep enough help to cover a client's needs.
Yes, I have. You have prompted sharing the Strategy above. nm
nm = no message, silly one! you're the curious type, aren't you? it's okay! really! but there's nothing to be seen here. nothing. really.
;)
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