so I take it he's not sexually mature yet?
Posted By: he may not be so thankful to you on 2009-02-08
In Reply to: Old enough to know... - MT
once he starts dating...
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My son is 15 and just recently became sexually active... SM
Some of you may remember my posting a few weeks back about him. Anyway, I just found out that he has been having sex with his girlfriend. And get this! She is the same age as him, but was by far not a virgin when they started going together. I have always, always, ALWAYS try to remain calm and encourage my son to talk to me no matter how uncomfortable I may feel. And let me tell you, I feel the same as you -- sick to my stomach. When I found out he was having sex, I felt like someone punched me in the gut! I raised him in church, taught him to wait for marriage for sex, that sex is best shared with someone you are in love with, sex should not be had casually. Didn't matter. Before I found out that he was sexually active, I had the "sex talk" with him again just to reiterate a few of the finer points and I talked about waiting for marriage or at the very least, love. He actually laughed at me and said "mom, I don't know anyone - boy or girl - that is waiting until they get married."
How I found out that my son was having sex was I was going through his room because I had reason to believe he was smoking pot. I found two joints and a box of condoms in one of his dresser drawers. Here's how I handled it. I confronted him with the pot and grounded his behind for a month. He also had to take a drug test which was negative (still baffles me, I guess I caught him before he tried it). With the condoms, I simply said "I'm going to give these back to you because I appreciate the fact that if you are having sex, you are at least being smart about it. Please don't do anything stupid."
I left it at that until I had another opening and then I told him how girls get pregnant sometimes on purpose, sometimes out of ignorance of birth controls. I've talked about STDs and HIV and how not only can unprotected sex will make him a father, a responsibility he is not near ready for, but it can also be an eventual death sentence. Every time we talk and I feel like I have an opening, I talk about safe sex and our moral and religious beliefs on sex.
I figure that is all I can do. I can't follow him around every day, on every date. And the truth is, I didn't wait until I was married. My mom said I would go to heck for having premarital sex and hellfire and eternal damnation didn't stop me from having sex.
The only advice I can give you is meet it head on. Don't act hysterical. Just approach straight-forward. She's having sex. It doesn't matter how you feel about it now. She's having it. Now your best course of action is to make sure she's smart and she protects herself. We live in a world where we have to balance our morality with practicality. It sucks, but that's the way it is.
Anyway, your not alone sister! Little comfort, I know.
And how!! We are truly "experienced and mature" now, right? :-) nm
nm
So right. Shawn is probably much more mature
nm
If you are both mature and desire a child sm
I was immature for the first, thought I was mature ten years later for the second and now that I'm too old to have one, wish I had more but it's too late. This is not an answer but a longing that I wish I had more than two and it's too late. My husband did not want another as the first had medical problems, so we waited ten years and I am sorry I don't have more kids. I love kids! Also, my MIL didn't like kids and was not happy, complained about both pregnancies as "another mouth to feed". Each time I see a happy family planning for a baby, I cry. If it is going to make you both happy, do it, you will be the happiest in your life when you hold that child. Just IMHO. It will work if you want it to. If you wait until you "afford" one, you never will. Children are beautiful and worth it, they enrich your life, why else would you get "married"?
I like the idea of not crating now that dog is mature enough. Never heard of that sm
and sounds like a possible solution to OP's problems. She did say that the dog was just fine next to her while sleeping on the couch. Good idea. She should try this.
And incredibly mature and smart. You are blessed. nm
!
I find it very mature. Those are the correct names.
nm
Yes, I think it's the most mature decision she has ever made. When she dropped out of school, we
suggested the military and she went ballistic, but a see a few signs of maturity and now she really views it as a career choice for her. She was told if she went into healthcare that she could be tending to the injured etc.but that she wouldn't be on the front lines. Then again, I was also told that recruiters will say anything to get you to sign LOL..
I thought about it too. Michaels has lots of beads. Just wondered if my mature
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